The AikoGraphics Logo Gallery

GODisgreat, first and foremost! A Picture speaks a Thousand Words, but a Logo summarises the Message to about 100 Words. Personally, I believe there are three basic Types of Logos: Mark, Font and Combination; a Logo System can be derived from these. I fancy descriptive Logos, but non-descriptive ones are also good. Art is amazing because you can create anything you want from Blankness. If you want Blogs, Book Illustrations, Editorial Cartoons, Logos, Lugbara Translations, Portraits, Theatre Backdrops, Transcribing for Films and Mural Paintings from Aiko (Cartoonist), then just call +256-781-345712 (MTN); +256-751-650276 (Airtel); facebook Edward Aikobua (AikoGraphics); Zoom Personal Meeting ID (PMI): 216-521-4436 or email: aikoug@gmail.com (Google Hangouts/ Meet)! Below are some of the Logo Design Gigs I have done. It's my Life, 25 Hours a Day (AM to PM). Welcome to my Logo Gallery (like a Museum Of Lugbara Art [MOLA], Design Asylum, E-Art Station, Bag of Graphics):

55 Foundation [Use your Fingers and Time]
Adam & Eve
AikoGraphics [Custom-tailored Design, Art @ 1st Sight]

Arua Cartoons [Free your Imagination]

Block Owners [Crest in the SMACK League for my Old Yearmates, the Class of 2002]
Busaana Modern Academy

Destiny Funeral Services [GOD rules your Destiny...]

Engato Store [for Edwin Paratra, Call or WhatsApp 0792-532097 and buy affordable Men's Shoes. Online Deals available...]

Federation of Uganda Clearing Agents & Freight Forwarders (FUCAFF) [for Uncle Jad]

Gender Equity [Females and Males have different Needs]

halo, a real Queen of Beauty

Kakaparaka [Maroon and green Cooper Black Font Logo: Maize ripens for people without teeth too...]
Leopard UG [Forgiveness]

Lugbara Translate (Cognitive Radio Tech/ Beats by Aiko)

Maracha View [Rock my World!]
oneway, Ch.39 [If you have a Problem, then just look up to Heaven!]

Paint-mixing Diamond
Pearl of Africa

Procurement ClassRoom [commissioned by Jorge Lynch, the Legal Owner who paid me 100 US Dollars for this logo. Check out his Website at www.procurementclassroom.com]

Procurement Initiatives Asia-Pacific [Copyright of Jorge Lynch, a Panamanian in the Philippines]

Prynce Pictures [for Joel Okuyo Atiku aka Prynce]

Rats Network Investment Group (RNIG) [for Andrew Muhimbise]

Springs [The Flow of Knowledge] for Emmyways

Sprout Investment Club [commissioned by my Big Brother Vyo]
Swaibong Ruga Ruga FC [Crest in the 2019 Mwiri League]
UCU Volleyball Team [for my Art Manager Edmund]

Uganda Clearing Industry and Forwarders Association (UCIFA)
Y-Corner [Either you go left, or go right...]; and so much more...

Wall Of JOKES (Make Viewers giggle!)
The following 40 (out of over 1000) Ugatoons Crackers are selected from "United Gombololas (UG)", my Sit-down Comedy Book and Collection of two-sentence Liners recorded from what I've heard and seen since the 20th Century plus my own Imagination:
1. Can money buy happiness? It depends on how much happiness costs.
2. Where does the wood for making court doors in Uganda come from? Kotido.
3. Which district plays Maurice Kirya music most? Kiryandongo.
4. In which country are citizens advised to stay indoors? Indoor-nesia.
5. Never give up! But all strain and no gain makes Jack a very tired worker.
6. How do Lugbara tribemates greet? By mentioning other tribes and civilisations like the Ngoni (of Southern Africa) as the greeting and UK as the reply.
7. What do you call the wife of your neighbour? Neighbour-in-law.
8. How are Ugandan presidential elections like cycling competitions? The front rider always wears a yellow jersey.
9. Money talks. But silence is golden.
10. If love is blind, then why didn't Batman marry Catwoman? Because he was not blind enough.
11. How much is a free meal? Free Thousand Ugandan Shillings.
12. When a teacher says: Any questions?, what do you do? I just sit there in silence because sometimes you do not even know what you do not know.
13. Waragi kills! Yeah but some people continue drinking it to remain dead.
14. What do you call a false prophet? An impastor.
15. Describe my booty! It's big like a loaf of brown bread!
16. What do you call a village where Ugandans live in another country? Uga-hood.
17. Where do broken hearts go? Mulago Heal [Hill].
18. If tea workers pick tea leaves, then what do teachers pick? Teabags!
19. Will Fresh Kid change his name when he grows older? Yes, he will become Fresh Teen, then Fresh Man.
20. What do you call a good Muganda? A Propaganda.
21. Where do people go to drink tea when they are sorrowful? Soroti.
22. At a Broadcasters Gala around 2003, WBS picked A in a Lots Game while Lighthouse TV selected B, but what did the Host tell Uganda Television? You be C [UBC]!
23. Name a motorcycle that can walk? Shoe-zuki.
24. What do you call a place where tourists watch the park? Pakwach.
25. Which Ugandan president is a public holiday? Idi Amin.
26. What was the Best Thing before sliced bread? Sliced flour.
27. How do France Football Ballon d'Or winners say "Thank you!" in French? Messi [Merci]!
28. Is Kuluva Hospital inside Arua City? No, it's on the outskirts and outshirts.
29. Which district in UG has a soul? Moyo.
30. If Blacks are niggas, then what are Whites? Jiggas.
31. What did the Fresh Dairy logo say to the Nile Special logo? You are not my type!
32. What kind of car dies? A mortal vehicle.
33. What is the opposite of Bullshit? Cowdung!
34. What did JESUS tell Arnold Schwarzenegger? I'll be back!
35. What message will you send your mama on Mother's Day? Thank you for not aborting me!
36. Apart from Hydrogen and Oxygen gas, name any other type of gas? Fabregas.
37. Words do not buy milk. But they do ask for a huge discount.
38. What is sweeter than honey? Sweeter honey.
39. A flight from Arua to Entebbe takes less than 2 hours, but how long does a flight from Entebbe to Arua take? Ask the plane!
40. What does the Bible say about pork? All the demon-possessed pork drowned in water, the rest is okay...

My Arsenal FC (Memories by Aiko)
I've watched English Football in Uganda since the late 1980s.
However, neither Liverpool, Tottenham, Blackburn nor Manchester United,
Could conquer my heart the way Arsenal did during the 1998 FA Cup Final.
I was attracted by the "Retreating Defence" Technique,
Exemplified by Emmanuel Petit and Vieira - the Wildman at Highbury, firstname Patrick.
It reminded me of the steal in basketball learnt from watching Michael Jordan,
My Favourite Sportsperson in the 90s because he always won.
Ian Wright, Captain Fantastic Tony Adams, Marc Overmars plus JVC Electronics also influenced me to become a Gooner.
I remained one through the tears from Leeds, heartbreak from Galatasary and Liverpool,
Because of Thierry Henry, Robert Pires plus every other Gunner.
Ray Parlour scored my Best Arsenal Goal-Of-All-Time against Valencia in 2001;
It was night but I ran out of the house screaming at the top of my voice.
He repeated something similar against Chelsea the following season in the FA Cup Final.
I liked Freddie Ljungberg's red hair and tirelessness,
Plus Dennis Bergkamp's seriousness.
The 2002 Double was a present for staying loyal,
Even though I almost gave up because of the 3-3 home draw with Blackburn;
Dreamcast and SEGA!
After the next two FA Cup wins in 2003 and 2005
Plus the Unbeaten 49 (golden Premiership) run in 2004,
The Gunners did not win a major cup again for nine years.
All through that period, I never walked away nor complained.
My love for Arsenal was so strong that I believed a trophy was just an empty cup.
I enjoyed all the Arsenal plays and goals instead,
From Cesc Fabregas on fire in the last 10 minutes during 2007,
To Eduardo da Silva's finesse before his injury,
Julio Baptista, then Andrei Arshavin netting four each in two separate games at Anfield,
Johan Djourou's focus,
Lord Nicklas Bendtner's Guinness Book of Records Fastest Goal by a Substitute after 1.8 seconds,
Samir Nasri's energy and Bacary Sagna's hair.
On 5th May 2009 when Arsenal lost 1-3 at home to Man Utd,
Which was the 2nd Leg after a 1-0 loss at Old Trafford,
In the UEFA Champions League Semifinals,
I literally felt my heart melt into liquid.
I tried to sleep quickly so that my heart could solidify back,
Proved to me how much I still loved Arsenal,
Despite losing the final in 2006,
Three years behind.
At least they set the UCL record for 9 Consecutive Matches without conceding a goal.
Man Utd already had three UCL trophies,
Why couldn't they just let Arsenal qualify and win its first in a rematch with Barcelona?
This game was the Genesis of why I turned into a huge Lionel Messi fanboy.
In 2010, the Gunners became the Premiership's Comeback Kings,
With a record four Consecutive Wins after conceding first;
That was very sweet!
Robin van Persie then scored 30 EPL goals before leaving in 2012.
Olivier Giroud replaced him from Montpellier,
Whereas Mesut Oezil joined in 2013;
Silverware finally arrived at the Emirates Stadium!
Cazorla was a slick, ambidextrous baller,
Podolski had a powerful left foot,
Fabianski was great in goal and
Aaron Ramsey became Rambo!
Just like Ljungberg before 2002,
I felt Ramsey went somewhere before his superb season began.
Indeed he had vacationed in Kenya, just next door to where I was.
I wish my Old Boy Philip who committed suicide four days before the 2014 FA Cup Final,
Had stayed alive to witness his Best English Club win a trophy again.
After Arsenal went 0-2 down,

I walked outside the house to eat a mango in the dark grass compound while shaking.

Then bathed as a ritual to wash away any curses on me.
By the time I finished, Arsenal had pulled one goal back.
Then Koscielny equalised and the rest you can watch on YouTube.
My celebrations were hushed and mild,
In memory of my dead friend.
However, the 2015 FA Cup triumph was exactly everything I wished for,
From Theo Walcott's opening goal to Arsenal's fourth by supersub Giroud;
Dreams come true!
She wore a yellow ribbon in the merry month of May!
Then Rambo scored the winner again in 2017 (Last Blood);
Meanwhile, Giroud won the FIFA Puskas Award (for his Scorpion Kick Goal).
Visit Rwanda; it's Wakanda to be cinematic!
When Living Legend Arsene Wenger announced his exit in 2018,
After 22 years in charge,
It felt like suicide.
I blame the plastic critics who pressed for his exit,
I do not want to call them fans!
I quit all WhatsApp groups talking negative vibe against the club.
Nevertheless, am still a wellwisher of this great club,
Because it gives me happiness, sometimes double.
From Wenger's Invincibles: Jens Lehmann;
Lauren Etame Meyer, Kolo Toure, Sol Campbell, Ashley Cole;
Freddie Ljungberg, Patrick Vieira, Gilberto Silva, Robert Pires;
Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry, etc;
To the next generation:
Unai Emery, Alexander Lacazette, Lucas Torreira, Gabriel Martinelli.
Mikel Arteta, Edward Nketiah, Martin Odegaard, history continues!
Pierre-Emmerick Aubameyang becomes the Fastest Gunner to score 50 EPL goals.
Fly better,
Till the End of Time,
Victory through harmony;
In GOD we trust!

Bako (Dribble by Aiko)
1984, year that GOD made me in Uganda,
A certain 3rd pick in the NBA Draft starts his career at Chicago Bulls.
Around 1992, my Big Brother tells me to check out a guy called Michael Jordan.
Because of His Airness, I cannot stop following this action.
I love this game!
My dream is to play pro-soccer, but I also play a little basketball for fun.
I quit my soccer dreams in 1996 to avoid getting whipped for academics.
In 1997, I join St. Mary's College Kisubi,
One of the Best 5 High Schools in Africa.
I discover Wilbrod Oketcho;
He is big and scary like Shaq and he slam dunks in our faces.
I quit playing Bako, the school slang for Basketball, because of Wilbrod,
Then meet him again at the Sheraton Hotel Kampala many years later.
Unfortunately, he is gunned down by thugs.
His cousin Flavia Oketcho,
My Favourite Female Basketballer,
Later becomes one of the Greatest Ugandan Basketballers Of All Time;
She is cute too.
If Aliens invade my Space and threaten to freeze it,
Plus challenge me to pick ballers to face them in a Bako Playoff.
I would choose Steve Kerr and Flavia as the Assistant Coaches to Phil Jackson and James Naismith who invents the game in 1891.
My Subs Bench includes:
Kareem Abdul Jabbar (Sky Hook),
Wilt Chamberlain (100 Points in one Game),
Larry Bird (Drama),
Magic Johnson (Showtime),
Scottie Pippen (MJ's Sidekick),
Dennis Rodman (Bad Boy, Worm),
Kobe Bryant (Black Mamba),
LeBron James (King of Cleveland),
Klay Thompson (Splash Brother),
Stephen Omony (Falcons MVP),
Plus Jimmy Enabu (Oilers Captain from UG).
Meanwhile, my Starters are:
Bill Russell, who wins 11 rings (including a 7-peat) in 13 years;
Michael Jordan, who makes sure he does not play Game 7 in the Finals (achieves two 3-peats);
Ray Allen, the 3-point King and Player with the Best Clutch 3-pointer in NBA History - He got game;
Tim Duncan, the 1st Player to win at least one championship in three different decades; and
Stephen Curry, the First Unanimous Regular Season MVP, the other Half of the Splash Brothers, Chef, Pocket full of dimes, Steph-ortless, Best Shooter on Earth...

Red Princess...

Ongo [Lugbara Beats]
Music is food for the soul,
S/he who sings prays twice.
One red heart (or three rows of lines) for the Menu,
One black dot (inside a circle-ring) for the Volume,
One blue triangle pointing right for the Play button! MVP...

The Happiness Of Art (Poem by Aiko)
I think about Art everyday,
How to improve my skills and marketing.
I'm not perfect,
That is why I try to develop my Art daily like Lionel Messi,

The struggle is messy!
My new classmate in Senior 5 called me fake,
But I know GOD made me war.
In fact, my father included it in my first name,
Like Uganda's First President.
Since School Canes ended my Football Dream,
My New Dream is to draw so much more,
Under the penname "Aiko",
Which is taken from the surname my mother gave me.
Ayiko 'bu-a in her Lugbara tongue means:
Happiness is in Heaven!

On Earth, there is sorrow.
I just dropped the Y,
No Crossroads!

The Y-Corner
What is happiness?
Everybody is looking for it.
Is it a mental state?
Is it a moving target?
I believe it is wanting what you get; I call it Double Happy-iness!
By definition, Success is getting what you want,
While Happiness is enjoying Success.
But what if you do not get what you want, what you really really want?
If you want oranges, but life throws lemons at you,
Then you either throw the lemons back at life in anger,
Or cut them to make lemonade and drink;
It's just a bittersweet symphony!
When you are at crossroads,
Either you go left or go right!
When you leave A-City, either you go to South Sudan or go to Maracha-Terego;
Choose one and have no regrets!
Be content with your choice,
Coz when you get what you want,
You start wanting something else!
It's like Happiness is a mirage we pursue.
But Happy-iness is contentment!
There are only two options.
When you depart from Earth,
Either you go to Hell or go to Heaven.
It's either Magma Lake or Lake Shore,
Broad way or thorny path, choose one!
There is no Purgatory, just a hollow vacuum;
Nothing between both sides.
Why do people commit suicide after rejection in relationships or jobs?
It's because they choose Death instead of Life, look right!
You need Shock-absorbers for your heart and soul;
They are positioned in the mind.
When one school does not give you an admission letter, another will welcome you.
If you lack a university degree, then apply what you learn in diplomas or certificates! 
Why kill yourself just because you have been fired from work?
Find another job; there are too many jobs everywhere.
If you cannot get your own car to drive, then use public means!
If GOD does not give you a motorcycle, at least HE gives you strong legs for walking.
When your highway is blocked, find a bypass or panya route!
When you lose an election, there is still another race ahead after some years.
Either you sip vodka or drink porridge!
Waragi kills, so either you drink waragi for status quo or gallop pina colada juice!
If you cannot get milk, then drink water!
If you are removed from a social media platform, then use its competitor!
When grid power is cut off, use alternative electricity!
If one supermarket does not want to sell to you, then find a kiosk!
If you cannot get millions of money, then enjoy the thousands of cash you get!
Money ain't a thing, eat it like rice!
If you do not have much, then enjoy the oxygen you breathe without a price.
Thank GOD am still here trying to be happy,
Stress free!
May HIS Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven!

JESUS (by Aiko)
I've never seen JESUS,
Even if the Bible says HE can save us,
But since I've met the Devil,
I believe HE is the opposite of Evil.
Write our names in the Book of Life, LORD!
Make us Friends of GOD!

Alternative Book Cover

Dreamsurfing is a 2020 Ugandan book written by Edward Aikobua [pennamed Aiko (Cartoonist)] about the prophetic power of Dreams. He has been recording his Dreamvisions since 1999 when his Senior 3 Stream Monitor Isaac Semakadde invited him to be the St. Mary's College Kisubi (SMACK) Timekeeper. HE prayed to GOD to always wake him up so that he can ring the first bell of the day in time and got bombarded with Dreamvisions like never before including one with a soundtrack. The following year, Aikobs gave Semaks (aka Zagallo) a Dream-based Prophecy that came true...

Twenty20

Self Portrait by Mr. Aiko...

PAIN-Tings (From Tears To Art)
Ello! How far now? How yuh stay, wagwan deh yah? Mi gud and irie hiya pon di Yard, tryna move fawad mi likkle Projek bout PAIN; dat is "Teardraps transforming into Art" or nuff Bashment, swit and therapeutic like Fuud, Wata and Wyne. Use your Pain to mine Gain and Lessons, it's Livity! Dis iz basically a visual Riddim for Eyes to nyam; am on a Mishan to draw more, #GADwillin! Salaam aleikum! JIZAS Peace to aal in di Siti ov Jerusalem (Israel) plus di Ort, wid One Love from AruaCartoons and 55 Faundeshan, JAH bless!

When Pain attacks, you go through it to the other Side! You can as well draw it; Art is therapeutic! No one asks to be born into this World - we are just sent here, neither do we ask for Pain, it arrives like a Passover. Suffer patiently: No matter how dark the Night, the SUN eventually rises again! It's noble to remain strong and tough through Pain, but it is not shameful to shed a Tear; Toddlers or Kids actually cry a lot until a certain Time when Tears somehow dry up. They say that Big Boys (and Big Girls too) do not cry, but Tears can also wash away the Pain in the Heart. Here are some emotional Moments that have stuck in my Memory:
1992: Who are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? At about 8 Years of Age when the four Most Important Men in my Childhood (James, Victor, Jad and Charles) moved their Home from Jinja to my Dad's Apartment in Bukoto (KLA City), I was inconsolable; I literally wept and cried a River. Nevertheless, the Morning we were dressing up to join them some Months later, I sang with optimum Joy; it was like the Happiest Day of my Life even though KLA was about to leave some Scars on me...
1992: Whipped five Strokes of a Tree Branch Cane instead of 10 by my Dad for repeatedly stealing Money (blue 100 UgX Notes - Highest Denomination around then) from my Mother's Drawer in Jinja. It was Friday Sunset and my Father had just returned from a Workweek in KLA; he forgave me halfway the Punishment coz I was wailing in Pain. He never whipped me again after that and I respected him for that. It's weird that I hated Canes from Teachers but I do not remember a single Instance where I cried, maybe because I wanted to appear tough whenever faced with Kiboko. By Primary 7 (that is 1996), I had made up my Mind that noone will whip me because of Academics; I became invincible. Why beat me just because I do not know the Square Root of 3025? Seriously, why why why? Is it my Fault? There was a chick called Agnes in my P7 class who looked like my sister Tina. She was always beaten for her marks. Something in me wanted to revise with her so that she jumps the canes but we were not that close...

JESUS TV: Every Knee shall bow and every Tongue confess that JESUS Christ is Lord, to the Glory of GOD the Father...

2000: Noone informed me that I had a deceased Sibling named Jocelyn who died in 1978 at Age 2, about 6 Years before I arrived. I only found out during Y2K (supposed End of the World) at 16 Years of Age sitted alone at the Back of my SMACK Classroom while reading a Good News Bible I had taken from Home for my Senior 4...
2000 "Literature is a Gift from GOD..." - Daniel 1:17; I usually scored high Grades in English (1 in PLE and later 1 in UCE as well) plus History (1 in UCE and A in UACE - a Student Teacher from Makerere University actually assured me at Macos that Yours Truly which is me plus Joseph Opio and Eric Nkuubi wrote the Best History Essays) but when it came to interpreting Literature, I was not as good (got 4 in UCE and later C in UACE. I actually offered HEL Combination in S5 as a Challenge to improve my Literature). After failing another spoken Answer during one of the Afternoon Lessons in Senior 4, I humbly went and sat on my Bed in the Quadrangle contemplating a final Solution. Suddenly, my Deckermate above who was standing on his Bed and taking off his Belt accidentally whipped my Face with it. I did not tell him about the Double Pain, just went through it quietly...

Blesson: Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose...

2000: Leeds Utd 1, Arsenal 0; watched the Game with my Big Brother (a Man Utd Fan) on TV Africa in Kyebando Kisalosalo (KLA City). About one Year behind, Arsenal's Title Defence ended at Elland Road with a Hasselbaink lone Goal. In 2003, Leeds would end Arsenal's Title Defence again with a deft 3-2 Mark Viduka Winner. This Evening though, Olivier Dacourt scored the Winner for the Whites in the Middle of the Season and it was very hard for the Gunners to net the Equaliser; I heartily felt the Struggle after becoming a Gooner in 1998. That is why, every Arsenal Victory against Leeds after that December Loss has always been sweet including Thierry Henry's four Goals in one Match, 2012 FA Cup (Return of the King), Reiss Nelson's 1-0 FA Cup Winner in 2020 plus the fast-paced 4-2 home victory where the creative Martin Odegaard started from kickoff for the first time as a Gunner in 2021 and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang netted his first Premiership hattrick in 4 seasons on Valentine's Day, though second for AFC...

Tr3 Drawing...

2001: TD = Tree Drawing; the Technical Drawing Teacher at my new School (Makerere College School) rejected my Request to join his S5 Class immediately after I had just dropped Fine Art which I studied in Ordinary Level (S1-4) saying, "You cannot start climbing a Tree from the Stem!" That meant: No Ladders! So, I walked back to my HEL (History, Economics, Literature) Classroom with Tears in my Eyes and stopped writing "GOD" with Lowercase Letters. Why couldn't HE soften the Teacher's Heart? Was it because of something I had said, thought or done? JESUS! I opted for C.R.E (Christian Religious Education) and capitalised GOD throughout...
2001: I asked GOD for Forgiveness after selling my Soul to the Devil: All I had wanted was for Mephistopheles to possess and numb my Conscience so that I kill and shut up a condescending Classmate for good since GOD was not silencing him for me...
2003: Transported from Mt. Wati Road (Arua) in a blue Van hired by my Cousins Juliet and Monica, this was one of the Last Times I saw my paternal Grandmother Ita [Nickname for Esther Anyia Yitiru or Esiteriyitiru] in Ojapi, Maracha. She usually sat with her Bible and walked with a Stick while bent like a typical old Woman approaching 100 Years plus looked blind but could still recognise me after a long while without meeting, "'Di Oguzua dri [Translated from Lugbara: This one is for Oguzua]!" Oguzua is the Name my Father was usually called back in the Gombolola of Tara. I inked a Picture of Ita and gave it as a Present; she placed it in her Bible. I did not cry but my Eyes welled up a bit because she still looked soulfully beautiful inside even with her Wrinkles and I wished GOD could make her less frail plus give her a painless Life. When she finally died at the End of 2004, I was informed a Week later by my Big Brother via Email which I read around Dusk at the UCU Tech Park Computer Lab, then walked out to visit my Mega Heartthrob less than a kilometre away and ease the Grief...

The Passion of the Son of GOD (Mashup Poster by Aiko)

2004: ''The Passion of the Christ'' is the 1st Film I can remember that brought Tears to my Eyes, particularly at that Moment when the Prostitute stretched out her Hand to touch JESUS after all her Accusers dropped their Stones. I had watched all Genres of Films before from Horrors to heartbreaking Romances, but none moved me like Mel Gibson's graphic Presentation based on the Last Week in the Life of JESUS; I saw it alone. Other Flicks that have sparked a Tear in my Eye include: ''Son of GOD (2014 film)'' when JESUS lipsynced with the Tax Collector's Prayer of Penance; ''Edge of Seventeen'' when the Main Character was contemplating Suicide, felt for her (probably because my 1st beloved Cousin had committed Suicide); etc...
2005: After wronging and growing apart with the UCU Campus Classmate I wanted to marry, I sat down on a lonely and dark Verandah near Bishop Tucker Road waiting for the Miracle Centre Bus to take me for the Friday Overnight in Kansanga while planning my Next Move as I tried to win her Affection. This was not meant to be Harry Potter Love! Suddenly, four Men came around the Corner and arrested me. Two Policemen carried me by the Helm of my Trousers to the Kauga County Jail nearby while a plain-clothed Guy held my UPC-red Shirt and Jumper; I was locked behind Bars. I prayed to be freed before the Bus would come but in vain. Another Campuser was arrested but let go coz I was going to be the Scapegoat; Police accused Campusers of always abusing them verbally. My Crimes were: Tresspassing on Government Property, Resisting Arrest, Being Drunk (though I had only drunk two Stoney Tangawuzis) and also for being a Suspect for a Robbery of 10 Computers at the Mukono Information Office that had happened the previous Monday, four Days behind. The Policeman on Duty pleaded for me to be released but the others refused. He later handed me my Jumper because it would get cold later; am forever grateful for his humaneness. My Belt was taken away so that I do not hang myself even though I was not thinking like that; I refused to cry though a few Tears formed but I spent the whole Night conversing with my two fellow Jailbirds. One of them thrown in that very Day told me that the OC would let me go in the Morning. When I was freed, I did not look back like Lot's Wife but boarded a Taxi to KLA using the money I had refused to declare was in my pocket (including Church Tax)...

Macmillan Shell (Dark Mashup Logo by Aiko)

2007: After Midnight, as I tried to draw a Sketch of an ominous looking Van parked near Shell Ben Kiwanuka for a Macmillan Illustration Contest, I was called across the Street by a Watchman at the Petrol Station. I did not run away in order not to look like a Suspect but the Guy in all-LDU-green was having none of that, he tried to slap me with his right Hand several Times but I shielded his Slaps with my left Arm. In the End, I got multiple Cuts around my Elbow and Neck. He was holding a Bayonet Rifle in his left Hand and threatened to lock me in a Dungeon for his rougher Boss to deal with me in the Morning. He ordered me to take off my Ghanaian Shirt plus sit down next to an unused Petrol Pump. Having confiscated my Company ID and sensing that none of the Petrol Attendants was asking for my Release yet they could even instigate my Burning, I bought Time to look down and pray a Muslim Prayer I had just learnt, "GOD help me, GOD help me, GOD help me!" Like answered Prayer, I saw another Watchman dressed in all blue surface around the Corner with his Rifle. He asked what was going on, took my ID into a brighter Light, returned to hand it to me and told the Shell Watchman to let me go, just like that. It's like GOD had spoken. I walked away and tried not to cry but Tears formed: GODisgreat...
2008: When my Grandmother Wupa (stylised Oopha Airu Banito) died, I had just spent a Night in Kasese while attending a Weeklong "Trading For Peace" Conference and it was Tea Breaktime, about 15 Minutes. I walked aside while listening to a timely Phonecall from my 3rd (though 2nd Living) Sister and sobbed quietly until I dried all my Tears. I did not tell anyone about my Grief. It was October and I had planned to visit my Grandma in December...

How to write Number 5: Man with a Hat and Potbelly! Can also be a Woman with a Hat and Pregnant Womb...

2013:Watching "The First Grader (film)" about an old Man, a former Liberation Fighter before Kenya got Independence, trying to start School (Mature Education Reloaded) like 5 or 6 Year olds and then having his Favourite Teacher transferred got me teary-eyed. It reminded me of a Victoria Nile School Classmate in Primary 2 (that's probably parallel to Second Grade) who could not write the Number 9, she would write it as Letter P which is a reverse. I never laughed at her because I loved her very much, I just felt sad that we were born into this Academic Quagmire. School Kids are whipped, caned or punished because they do not know something which they will eventually know anyway. Before 1994, I was beaten by my Mum for "Poor Handwriting", that's one of the Reasons I became a Font Artist or Calligrapher plus probably dreamt of the 55 Foundation like Angela's Lounge...

Obey your Father and Mother...

2013: Obey your Father and Mother, so that you may live long in the Land GOD is giving you! When I thought about a Vision I had seen during my 1st Year at UCU (2003-4), I begged my Mother never to say that I do not want to listen to her. The Emotions tied in with the Death Prayers I used to say in the early to mid 90s. It's absurd that I used to pray for my own Death; now I do not even want to depart the Earth painfully. LORD have Mercy on me...

MTN Nations

2014 (January): After Eunice Ayikoru was buried and People started returning Home in the Evening, I lay on my Bed facing up and Tears rolled down the Side of my Head to the Pillow. She was only 44 Years old. I first met her during the 90s when she visited my Parents in KLA, a French-speaking West Nile Beauty with a loveable Disposition. Her Brother Taban (whom we fondly called Kosovo) would also pass by sometimes in the Evenings and I graduated in 2006 with their Father - Reverend Adraiga; it's probable that I watched most of my Arsenal Games while in Arua at his Ociba Coast Video Hall in the 2000s Decade. Eunice was the Daughter of my Grandmother's Sister and therefore a Cousin to my Dad. In 2007, I took my MTN Card for Registration at MTN Towers in KLA City and the Ground Floor Reception felt like a Punch in my Stomach. There were so many Air Conditioners on sight but the Receptionist whom I didn't know apparently smelt something bad when I walked in. I was told to go to the Top Floor, so I entered the Lift and reached there. When the Elevator Door opened, the first Person I spotted busy behind a Desk was Eunice and my Mood changed from punched in to very very very happy instantly. She directed me where to go and when I finished and returned, we said our Farewells. I met her again about twice around the Period when Muammar Gaddafi was being overthrown until she collapsed at Entebbe Airport while boarding a Plane to Libya on a United Nations Mission. My Eyes did not form any Tears during her Transnight Vigil, but after her Burial, I was teary just to wash away the Pain. Why do lovely People have to die...

SuperSport TV DOG (Digital On-screen Graphic) and the Official Football used during the 2014 FA Cup Final (Mashup by Aiko)...

2014 (June): Success is getting exactly what your Heart wants, no Alternatives. Twenty14 was the Year Arua (plus West Nile) marked 100 Years as Part of UG. Other Definitions of Success can be overcoming Sickness & Poverty through Health Care & Wealth Creation but while waking up to watch the FA Cup Final Replay of Arsenal's nervy 3-2 May Victory over Hull City at 4AM on a SuperSport TV Channel, I found myself teary-eyed. On Matchday, after conceding two early Goals and shivering while eating a Mango in the Outdoor Darkness, I went and showered as a Ritual to wash away Curses from my Body and by the Time I finished, Arsenal scored its first Goal. This Morning however, my Subconscious took me through some of the Pain, Grief and Failures from the Past, but now I could drown it all in one everlasting Moment of Victory: Thank you SSTV plus Rambo and your Colleagues - Cazorla, Koscielny, Giroud, Podolski, Fabianski, Oezil, Vermaelen, Wenger, etc! This was only the 2nd Time I could remember Soccer and a Combination of other Things making me a little teary. One of my Good Friends (a Diehard Gooner) from Macos had committed Suicide the Tuesday before the Final. I was even recovering from Typhoid which I had not experienced for about a Decade, just about the same Time Arsenal last won a major Trophy. It's really weird that the following Year around the same Time, I got Typhoid again like Deja Vu and Arsenal won the FA Cup again, this Time exactly the Way I wished when I woke up though I did not cry nor get teary-eyed again. However, I almost collapsed after my Blood Test Results showed Typhoid and acute Malaria. My Wish was for Arsenal to beat Aston Villa 4-0 with the first Goal by Walcott and fourth one by Giroud. I did not care who scored the second or third, but Sanchez's Bullet was the Pick of the Game. Hard Luck Shay Given...
2019: When someone dies after you have prayed hard - as if led - for their Life to be preserved, all you can sing is: Thank YOU JESUS! It's not even sarcastic; afterall HE is the Resurrection and the Life...

"And GOD will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." - REVELATION 21:4

Just to keep from crying, laugh or sing! 

TOM BRADY QUOTES

Selected with Pick Number 199, a compensatory pick in the 6th Round of the April 2000 NFL Draft, Tom Brady was drafted from Michigan by the New England Patriots after six other teams had drafted Quarterbacks. It was a very emotional ordeal for him almost like Michael Jordan on the team bus when the Chicago Bulls failed to advance to the 1990 NBA Finals (knocked out in the playoffs by the same team for the third straight season) or Bayern Munich squandered a one-goal lead in both the 1999 and 2012 UEFA Champions League Finals though got vindication in 2001 and 2013 respectively. Lionel Messi (Soccer's BOAT - Best Of All Time) cried when redcarded after a few minutes as a substitute in his first game for Argentina, jump-starting his quest to become the leading Goal Scorer for both AFA and Barca plus a FIFA Great. Tears wash away the Pain in the heart...

You see so and so get picked and then there's nine more picks gone until one team that you think was interested, you know, that's pretty anxious! So I remember being downstairs for like the 4th Round and that came and gone. And the 5th Round was coming and going. All these guys were getting picked. You know, I don't wanna sit around, make my hopes get up, I'd rather just take my mind off it and it was hard. I remember taking a walk with my dad and mum around the block. They just were so supportive of me and they think it is emotional as I did; it was just a tough take though (Sobs)! You know, finally when the Patriots called, I was so excited, you know, I was like: Hee, I don't have to be an insurance salesman, you know. So thank GOD, I gat picked...

Hi Mr. Kraft, I wanna introduce myself, am Tom Brady... I'm the Best Decision this organisation has ever made...

When you're a backup Quarterback, you don't even feel you're on the team. You're like a fan; like: I didn't do anything to help our team win. You always feel that am just taking up space...

Let's go...

Everyone is dealing with something. This is life; this is not just a piece of cake. You expect that your teammates are doing their jobs, so you got to compartmentalize and do your job...

When you lose, talk little! When you win, talk less...

The love of your dream is in your heart...

Traits to develop if you are not tall, fast nor strong: Leadership, perseverance, determination, work ethic, discipline...

One play here, one play there can change everything. That's football...

I always wanna feel like am the Best Quarterback for this team, am gonna earn it every single day...

I didn't come in with the opportunity to play right away, I had to earn it...

Stay in the moment, one play at a time...

I can't do anything with what's happened in the past...

Think about what you are going to do and move forward...

To be ahead 3 in the 4th Quarter with a chance to win is pretty sweet...

I'm the Baddest Maf on the planet...

Be a percentage better...

Do a better job in the 2nd Half...

I want to be the Best I can be. I know why I go out there. It's not to compare myself to this guy or that guy. Everyone's good. Everyone plays good...

It's up to people to determine what they want to achieve...

Some of the best motivation in life is trying to impress a girl...

Play tough in any weather, environment or stadium...

Be sharp and aggressive...

Know what you are looking for...

I have a memory, and I can just eliminate mistakes when they come up because I've already made them...

Every man should know, if you're comfortable and you like it, you should do it. Everyone always worries about what the girls think, what the guys think. If you like it, do it...

Team sports bring in a humility because I know am nothing without the guys I play with. Your role is very fragile. Your role really only is important if the other guys can come up with the plays...

Go get the job done... Lots of throwing and catching... Make the right reads... Everyone's got to be set so that you can play fast...

One day you will look back on your life and appreciate the struggle and have nothing but gratitude for everything that happened along the way. And you came to recognize that in return, you're given the chance to earn the Greatest Edge of all and one that can never be taken away. To everyone who's struggling early in the morning or late at night in pursuit of your dream... Keep going! Keep going, because will always finds a way...

The magic you are looking for is in the will of trying and not giving up...

Start with what works for you...

Work on fundamentals...

When you lose on the biggest stage and you know everybody's watching and you've committed so much of your life to what you're doing, you're becoming a failure in front of everybody else; it's a talent show and you're a failure...

I'm so proud of our guys, the coaches, the team. It's unbelievable what these guys have accomplished all season. I'm just proud to be a part of this great group... Thank you to all our fans; everyone back in Boston, New England, we love you! You've been with us all year. We're bringing this sucker home... (After New England Patriots won Super Bowl LI by coming back from 28-3 down with a couple of minutes left to register a final score of 34 in 2016)

2000 NFL Draft Report on Tom Brady: Skinny; 

Lacks great physical stature and strength; 

Lacks mobility and ability to avoid the rush; 

Lacks a really strong arm; 

Can't drive the ball downfield; 

Does not throw a really tight spiral;

System-type player who can get exposed if forced to ad lib;

Gets knocked down easily...

Bible Cinematic Universe (BCU)
GODisgreat, first and foremost! Growing up in the 90s, only Flying House (animated series) on Uganda Television (UTV) made Bible Stories interesting for me: The hilarious Parable of the Workers being paid the same Amount of Money despite starting Work at different Times stuck in my Head. Other than that, secular or more worldly Cartoons felt more splendid and they took more of my Time than reading the Bible. DC, Marvel and other Universes ruled because of better Graphics and Blockbuster Movies too, but what if we said: The Bible Universe rules! Movies that glamourised the Bible for me include: The King of Kings (1927), The Ten Commandments, The Passion of the Christ (2004), Ben Hur (1959), Samson and Delilah, 300, David, Exodus: Gods and Kings, etc. Having gone through all the Stories in the Good Book (including Apocrypha) by 1999, I realised that the Characters in the Bible also make up very interesting Superheroes and Sheroes. Actually, some Superhero Films have Concepts similar to the ones in the Bible: JESUS walked on a Sea, turned Water into Wine, resurrected and ascended to Heaven the same Way HE will return as the KING of Kings with a Sword in HIS Mouth - Deadpool cannot match this; Moses parted the Red Sea among many other amazing Things like turning his Stick into a Snake - Sorcerers could also do the same but their Snakes were swallowed; Noah gathered Multitudes of Animal Pairs, something which National Geographic TV would have loved; Rain fell for 40 consecutive Days, that's a lot of H2O; Sarai (who became Sarah) gave Birth at 90 Years of Age for her Centenarian Husband Abraham - should be a Guinness Book of Records Milestone somehow; Elijah went to Heaven in a Chariot of Fire; Elisha asked GOD to open the Eyes of his Servant who saw many Angels protecting them; Mary gave Birth without a Man and also features in the Book of Revelation as the Woman pursued by the Dragon - Classic Action; Samson was stronger than 10,000 Men and fought them all with a Jawbone of an Ass among many other Battles; Joshua made the Sun stand in one Place for two Days; Enoch went to Heaven alive and so did many other People including probably that Egyptian Princess who found Moses in the River and did not let him be killed - the GOD of Israel had to reward her some Way; Saint Paul was struck by a dangerous Snake but he did not die, he just used the Snake as Fuel for his Bonfire; Gideon defeated an Army many Times bigger than his; David defeated Goliath the Giant; Daniel was thrown in a Den of Lions but came out unhurt and his Friends - Shadrach, Meshach and Abed'nego - could not be burnt by Fire; etc. If we do not praise GOD, then the Stones will, the Bread will, the Food we eat will praise the Almighty; HE is who HE is, the Most Merciful, Master of the Day of Judgement, HIM alone do we worship.

PrayStation 5, Worship Cube, JESUS-Box 360, Christendo Switch
The Kingstone (Comics) Bible is a marvelous Graphics Novel (Adaptation) of the Holy Bible drawn and coloured in a Style I fancy most: (VOLUME I: The Beginning [Noah, Job], The Patriarchs, Ten Commandments, Exodus, Joshua, The Judges, Samuel, David, VOLUME II: The Kings 1, The Kings 2, The Exile, The Prophets [400 Silent Years, then] VOLUME III: The Christ, The Letters and The Revelation). It contains Action, Adventure, Romance, Doctrine, History and The Future. The Manga Series of Graphic Novels drawn in the traditional Japanese Art Style of the same Name is based entirely on the Bible: Mutiny (Genesis - Exodus), Melech (Exodus - 1st Chronicles), Messengers (1st Kings - Malachi), Messiah (Matthew - John), Metamorphosis (Acts - Letters) and Majesty (Revelation) which was four years in the making. Meanwhile, "I Am JESUS Christ" (2019) is a very educative, realistic Simulator Game that can take People's Minds off wicked Soul-stressing Role-playing Games. It is the Most Anticipated Video Game Of All Time and might just become the Greatest VR Character. The Game covers the Period from HIS Baptism to Resurrection: I wanna be like JESUS; perform HIS Miracles, cure sick People, exorcise Demons, calm a Storm in the Sea, feed the Hungry, walk on Water and save the World like HE did! The annual FIFA Series from EA Sports has gone through massive Improvements since the 90s to get to the Level it's at. I'm confident one Day there will be a JESUS Game Bubble to rival all the others that have ever been made, from Super Mario to Sonic the Hedgehog, Gran Turismo, Need For Speed to Assassin's Creed. The KING of Kings is the KING of Games too, GOD Mode! Time to realistically fight the Devil [Shaytan]. Watching the Animated Rendition of the entire Book of Revelation is as cool and compelling as any Oscar-worthy Thriller or Animated Film! As a Game, it would sizzle.

Adhan/ Azan [Muslim Call to Prayer] said loudly at 5 AM (Fajr), 1 PM (D/Zuhr), 4 (Asr), 7 (Magrib) and 8 (Isha):
GOD is the Greatest! 4X
I testify that there is none worthy of Worship except GOD! 2X
I testify that Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) is a Messenger of GOD! 2X
Come to Prayer! 2X
Come towards Success! 2X

(Prayer is better than Sleep! 2X)

GODisgreat...

Poetry About Women

 

(Females and Males have different Needs plus Wants in) Gender Equity

POETRY INSPIRED BY WOMEN

The Cave Of Love (1991)

She is half Munyoro, half Lugbara.

She looks attractive in a grey summerdress.
Sweet like Kakira molasses, Kabalagala pancakes, Buyi Buyi confectioneries and tamarind juice!
She's so yummy that by default, she is the mummy.
I'm the daddy at 7 years old, ain't it funny?
When she turns me on,
I feel like entering her cave as a young pornstar.

All I need is a few inches of space,

To put a smile on my face.

She's my Sweet Target,
Coming to her America, Hotel California,

Like a Predator, Universal Soldier, Rambo and Commando!
I'm her Diehard,

Nowhere to run.
She takes me straight to the upper room in our flat with her bed.
Lies on the left side and waits for me;
I take off all my clothes and drop them on the floor,
Near the right backfoot of her bed.
Then I get under her bed-cover.

Now is the time!
Although my father owns a car like Batman,
I do not own a car but she invites me into her cave like Earlyman.
The only money I have in my pocket was stolen from my mother's drawer,
It's quite little!
The other thing I can give her is a bicycle,
Let her ride around the next block.
This girl is a winner!
She gives me a chance like Boudreaux and becomes my Natasha.
Her voice is like a gramophone player,

Earthquake 110!
Is this our karma?

Nothing's gonna change my love for you!

When she cooks rice and cabbage or greens,
I get afternoon lunch to satisfy my hunger and lust.
The aroma entices me.
I love my neighbour's daughter as I love myself.
Is that a commandment from JESUS or do I twist it,
To fit my own sweetest taboo feelings?

When beaten by her elders for a mistake made,
I do not want to hear her cry in pain,
Because whenever she hurts, I feel her strain.
She is always on my brain.
I wish she becomes my wife,
But she loses her life.
Unbreak my heart!

You are frozen when your heart is not open.

Black Beauty (1993)

Most of the boys fancy her taller, lightskinned friend who is always with her;
But for me I want only her.
Nobody can change my mind; my fantasy is full.

Mi want yu fi know,
Mi find mi heartbeat again, ah!
She is short, dark-skinned and extremely beautiful like Halle Berry and Rita combined.
Very intelligent too like an architect, Yale University material!
When I see her during schoolbreaks,
I clown around like am a sporty Superman.
She's my favourite woman;
The Black Lois Lane!
Can I save her when she jumps into the Nile River near Ripon or Bujagali Falls?
Forget Transformers, Zelda, Galaxy Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Zorro,
I want to be her real superhero!
I want to marry this madam,
Her name is Mariam.
She inspires me to be good at my soccer game.
Love is tough, but I want to give her my last name.

"Leave (Get Out) Ugandan Reply" by MR. AIKO [Lyrics posted as Facebook Notes in 2010 but inspired by 1994]

Jojo, you want me gone,

But where will I go?

I don't even have another place to go.

There's no halfway-house between intimacy and loneliness,

Can't you see?

I really need you in my life,

To share those spaghetti jokes and rides with me.

But if you want me to leave,

I think I better get out.

And when you change your mind,

We gonna be together always.

Silent Prayer

Chick landed for my art,

Her loud confession;

Classmates ask if she didn't land for me.

Meanwhile,

I landed for her booty:

Face, frame and nyash.

She caresses my left arm with her right hand near the Artroom;

I feel a powerful tingling within me.

Tells me she wants to produce me for the inter-house speech competition.

Unfortuntely, a different housemate gets the role.

For me, I act in a play instead.

Silently, I want to be very close to her,

But another classmate always follows her around;

So, I play it safe and just wait for my minutes.

Angel of mine,

We should elope to Taiwan!

I think of her as a perfect woman,

Definitely one of my Top 3 in the school.

GOD hears my heart's desire,

Makes her sit directly infront of me in the whole of my final year before campus.

My desk is her backrest,

How sweet!

I didn't ask for this,

But: Hallelujah!

She's my resident moral support,

Even if I do not confess it to anybody;

Only my Best Friend who is like an alter-ego knows.

Sometimes, I breathe her into my lungs like fresh oxygen.

My chick-magnet deskmate tells her to look behind,

Then asks me if her lips are the best part of her body,

I answer his question shamelessly: 

No,

Her entire body is good!

She resists a smile and looks away.

Whimsical

Friday sunrise, am alone in class with the Deputy Headgirl.

She tells me my shirt is dirty but I disagree,

Even though I hadn't washed it for two days.

Folding up my left sleeve to prove me wrong,

We both uncover the brown truth,

Which amazingly turns us into laughmates.

She had the power to send me back to the hostel to wash up,

But the Munyarwanda didn't.

I never faced any issues with her again after that;

It was all about mutual respect and friendship only.

She sat in the front row but would visit me in the second-last row to chat,

Before my deskmate arrived.

Flavoured like chewing gum

Or freshlyground coffee,

She also smelt like delicious milk sometimes;

I could have drunk her!

My hostel deckermate called her my girlfriend,

But I denied it.

Shorty liked my art skills,

I also admired her whimsical curmudgeon-esque persona.

Because of my disappearing stunt in our final term together,

She nicknames me Guest Star.

We should have done an advert for Omo or any other detergent.

I cherished her calls when I joined a separate campus;

Told her I could identify her distinct trademark laugh through wires,

Even if she didn't introduce herself.

Lugbara Woman (2001 Perfect Rhyme Poem about Arua City by Aiko) 

She wore a green hood,

The same colour as Barifa Forest in the neighbourhood.

She's got swag,

As boujie as a WAG!

What else can I say?

This woman makes my day.

Like an angel in a white dress, she is very beautiful!

My crush on her is sincere and truthful. 

Honey is sweet,

But she reminds me of a lollipop sweet.

I see her walking with her friend,

So, to her a Facebook message I send. 

She has me imprisoned in her pocket.
I always think about her and cannot run away from reality even if I was a rocket.
She inspires me to be myself.
I'm a lover; not a robber, killer nor destroyer like Mr. Wolf.

She's dope and perfect,

I cannot help but respect!

If she was a type of energy in the vicinity,

Then she would be solar electricity!

She's a fan of the Caterpillars from Onduparaka.
However, I want her to be my Kakaparaka.
It's a cold world,
Everybody needs a hood to hold.

Who do you trust?
Is it GOD or money, coins and medals which can rust? 

The grass is greener not only on the other side,
But also wherever rain falls or water flows, you decide!

I adore the way she looks at me like a brown hawk,
Those brown eyes contain volumes of data; I wish they could talk. 

Where do wrecked hearts go? They go where they can heal.
She is my Arua City, The Sweetest Place on Earth named after a hill. 

She makes me feel as superhigh as Arua Hill and Mount Wati. 

Playing and chatting with her is always a party! 

I'm in the clouds with the black and white birds called gaagaa,

Feeling eerie and gaga! 

When am down like an injured dove,
GOD, she touches my heart with love.
I'm a spooning snuggler,

Not a smuggler.

From dusk till dawn,
I wish my IQ is high like the top floor of the Tallest Building in A-Town. 

When she's next to me, it's like my life has no problem.

Her presence neutralises each of them. 

This woman is Arua One FM music to my ears.

She eases my fears.

Like Muni Suburb, her Lugbara language skills are impeccable and very important;
She can even replace my Google Assistant.
She tells me she likes me because I treat her better than other people have done,
So I kiss her twice to show that she is my Number One Lugbara Woman.

If I were her Komendaku from Tara Subcounty in Maracha,
Then she would be my Mount Liru, a West Nile tourism feature!

Everytime I travel far away from her, I feel a weird heaviness nagging my heart.

After many years, she might forget me but I do not want us to grow apart.

She's all am living for.

Thanks, awa'difo!

Josephine (2004)

I'm in the hostel commonroom eating Saturday lunch close to evening.

It's the 2nd week of the 2nd month in my 2nd year on campus,

Uganda's 42nd Uhuru Day;

So many 2s here!

My neighbour walks in with two ladies like an Arsenal Invincible or Barcelona legend,

Ronaldinho.
Tells me to watch one of them for him;

He knows I do not hurt women.

Anita is his wife-to-be and he escorts her out of the compound.

Meanwhile, Josephine informs me that she is studying Architecture in a neighbouring town.

I tell her to ask for any soda on me from the canteen.

She chooses a Fanta Orange.

We walk to my room, she sits on my bed sipping her drink.

I show her an architectural plan I drew from a recent lucid-high dreamvision;

She advises me about improvements:

Add ventilation plus natural lighting!

Beauty in a building originates from materials, draftsmanship and shapes,

Whether rare or usual.

Create what your senses reveal to you!

No problem!

Exactly one week later, that is the 2nd Saturday of knowing her,

She returns to our commonroom,

Makes a confession that she did some research on me.

She likes me, she likes me; I think I hear that twice.

Two of my Old Girls (Ruth and Cisse) told her some things about me.

This must be Heaven!

 

She Cares But I Want All Of Her ♥♥♥

Guess what,

She cares about me but I want all of her!

Half Itesot or Langi and half Indian;

She's like three hearts in one, so sweet!

Always asks about me!

It's My Life!

She's a socket plus adapter and am a three-pin plug.

Without her, I feel powerless.

I cherish her generosity towards me, she has a very kind heart!

She brings me food which I eat happily,

Matoke and beef plus Coca-Cola like a popstar.

We kick a football of love back and forth on top of Arua Hill for a while.

I try to make sure it does not roll off the hill,

But the ball finally rolls down.

I go and get the ball back while she returns home.

I head to her place and leave the ball with her;

She must return it to whoever she borrowed it from and lent to me.

A simple hug or SMS can put a smile on your face.

It's an honour to be the first number in her phone book.

People say she is my Girlfriend,

But she calls a different man Boyfriend.

She finds herself a Husband,
Tells me I will be perfect without her.

I can only be 90 percent perfect,

She is the remainder that completes me.
She cared very early,

Made me unstoppable like a runaway train,
But like a playboy, I cared too late,

Though she knew I liked her.
Losing her to a different man is load-shedding.

Maybe I should go and look after cattle in Congo as consolation.

Her half-sister who stands out like J. Lo is my temporary UPS for backup computer power;

I'm real!

I can see her halo.

Hey, be my baby!

She's the Vice Prezo of my ka-small heart.

I thought her stepsis would be mine forever,

Whether am poor or rich.

But now it's clear that I was dead wrong like a Nigga With Attitude,

Straight outta Jinja.

The blackout is so sorrowful that I feel lonely.

I have nobody to call my own.

You never took the time to know me.

I cannot fight civilly for her love.

My faith in love has departed, I feel hopeless!

The sun and moon cannot meet but they share the same light.

Love is like a flask,

When it falls, it breaks.

Matter of fact,

A wall in my heart cracked.

Samosa In A Blue Bucket (Poem by Aiko)

Going the wrong way on a oneway street,
You only end up in a wreckage,
Not marriage.
I'm attracted by her sweet scent and the graceful way she carries herself.

I love her husky voice too.
Is there any more room for me in those jeans?
Other boys also want her,
She tells me about two though I think there are more,
But am not afraid of their competition;
I'm my own competition,

The lottery himself,

Picked Number 262,
Spotless and invincible in my mind!
Why not?

One humid evening, 

I strut to her new hostel near the main road;

Her pawpawlicious roommate is not around, so we jazz privately,

This visit was fitting like my grey Reebok boots at the door.

After sunset, she courteously escorts me to a T-Junction about 200 meters away,

As if my own Beatrice in Dante's Inferno.

It felt so pleasant that when I reached my hostel,

I screamed more than once in our common room and praised JAH for creating women.
I'm a kid in Wonderland,
Like a big Reggae fan at Summer Jam!
My closest friends already call her my wife but there is a problem.
Several times when I think about her on a sunny day,
I notice a drizzle from the clear open sky above me;
It's like the angels are crying because of what I do not know about the future.
When it's not meant to be, it cannot happen.
Kasese, we have a problem!
Why did I follow her star for 16 months?
Why did I desire her samosa in a blue bucket?
The heart wants what it wants.
I wrong her for the first time and spend a night in jail,
Feeling cursed,
Even after returning the photo I stole from her huge collection.
I did not intend to hurt her;
She has very nice golden-brown boobs. 

Young babe forgives me for messing up but does not know why she does not want to talk to me.
She assures me in a note that what I did was my "Waterloo",
Maybe I was her Emperor like Napoleon for only 100 days.

Fine, you win! I lipsync to her like Terrence Howard to Ashanti.
I sleep out of town on Saturday night,
To prepare for my final onslaught.
I may never have anything to do with her again,
But try to make amends the following week.
I'm obsessed with her like a scarecrow in a garden and continue to fight for her love.
On the next Saturday night,
I take to her a gift she asked for before I blundered.
She rejects it,
Tells me she will get whatever I want to give her "from another man";
Life is a bitch, but I owe her nara!
Maybe if I possessed a Toyota Rav4,
Then she could have been mine.
That exact moment in time,
I quit chasing her samosa,

Even immediately inform the dude who offered to be my Best man.

I stop discussing academic work with her indefinitely;
No regrets, just living my life.

I harness our separation as fuel to improve my academics to another level,

Higher than before.

I'm a survivor!
We grow apart before Valentine's Day.
My buddies tell me they expect me to take her out on a V-Night date.
Unfortunately, it's all over!
All my previous visits to her room plus gifts go to waste;
The four lovecards I made,
A little cashmoney,
Plus the wonderful pink jumper on her birthday.
Being broke as a joke ain't funny! 
Inside, it's like the third wall of my heart is wrecked after two previous wall cracks.
I'm left with only one unaffected wall still standing.
I need to rebuild the walls of my heart,
Before it shuts down completely.
What do you call the final defeat that comes after Waterloo?
I call it Death; 

I'm living the Afterlife now.

Maybe she's out of my league;

I haven't got everything she needs.

After 1,000 Ugandan nights,

She perplexes me with her revived Yahoo chats;

Apologises for "acting like a bitch",

Her own words.

I'm invited for her wedding to the luckier man,

But can't attend for personal reasons.

She tells me she cried because of the things I said about our growing apart.

What's up, babe?

I confess to her that I forgave her a long time ago;

She's still my friend, 

My Megabyte,

Though not doppelgaenger(in) like I wanted.

The Visitor (2005)

She comes, sees and conquers.

I do not even know her name,

But she boldly addresses me as "boyfriend".

Is it a prank, hell date, internship or should I take it so personal?

She's cute, super-calm, intelligent and electro-magnetic!

Even her own blood sister agrees that she is amazing.

She reaches out to me in my doldrums.

Reset; restart!

Her hug, back rub and touch can mend a wrecked heart;

She's a healer, my match made offline!

R.I.P to the girl I used to see.

I do not have to ask the visitor 21 questions,
Five are enough. 
I address her as "galfi".

Like a Peacekeeper in Afghanistan, she protects my heart. 

She's my remedy and melody!

When she unstraps her pink bra,

The side view of her left breast is very titillating;

I'm having a blast like matoke and offals plus yellow fruit juice for brunch.

She reminds me of ripe jackfruits and raw mangoes;

Wasps better step aside!

Her thighs look thick and well nourished.

She exercises in the sportsfield on Saturday mornings to stay fit.

My male friends ask me what she has.

Well, folks:

Her curves are like brackets in Mathematics,

Bounce is majestic like Physics,

The Chemistry between us is geographical.

Her peck is agricultural.

She makes me feel butterflies in my stomach,

Like no other girl before her.

Cheers to a new beginning!

This woman is like sunrise after a dark night.
The Best Place on Earth is in her arms;

I know her perfume.

She is worth more than booze, Mobile Money or bread.

Mutual friends tell me she only dates galactikos,

But am part galactiko, part invincible:

When we lose, we draw.

I want her to be my sugarwoman;

However, she is taken far far far away by Whites and am back to where I started, again:

My plug is pulled out of the socket,

I lose her like the samosa in a blue bucket,

Her chocolate melts in my pocket.

Searching for a pot of gold like a leprechaun?

I won't judge her.

Feeling so tired,

Having trouble sleeping.

Goodbye for now,
I'm not the type to say: I told you so!

The hardest part of holding on is letting go.

She asks me online if I have a Girlfriend.
I tell her if she is not the One,
Then I have none.

Even though am not in her league, at least I love her bracket hips.

Ain't nothing wrong with trying to love somebody,

Trying to tell her:

143!

Why Always Me? (2006)
I love women,

Beautiful, exciting and caring!

But I've never desired to be one.

Two babes invite me to discuss a course unit with them at night.

Why always me?

Didn't know there would be four more women there,

Went with only my green and white radio scanner plus head.

The amazonesque convener jokes that they can rape me;

Let's get down and eat fene!

I have nothing to lose coz am a bachelor.

Wise King Solo had 700 wives and 300 concubines,

I can handle six.

Where does that leave my girlfriend?

Even if I had all that money,

I just can't do without my love.

I'm the odd man out in the entire bedroom;

Odd woman out, for gender balance.

After the discussions, the one with the biggest nyash escorts me to the roadside,

Bringing back one of my favourite moments with my ex-love interest.

At my hostel,

I sleep like a baby from start to finish,

No dreaming,

But wake up with seeds on my bed.

The following night,

The same thing happens, again:

Six women,

Smooth discussions,

Peaceful sleep,

Seeds on my bed.

Motoka

She finds me in the kitchen making juice,

Rubs my spine unexpectedly.

I tell her President M7 has a kiwalata bald head because he drinks a lot of juice;

She laughs heartily.

I always try to make her smile,

More fulfilling when she bursts out laughing.

In the dining room,

I sit directly opposite her.

She rubs my feet with her toes under the table.

When other people are around,

She wears a long dress and covers her big breasts well.

When am alone with her,

She changes into a maroon minidress with thin straps over her shoulders.

Leaves her literally half naked,

Exposing her flowery beauty:

A succulent bust and thick brown thighs.

I resist the temptation to get near her nor look,

As she lies on the crimson sofa on my left.

I continue reading newspapers.

She loves TV but the screen is spoilt;

Only radio can entertain her when am quiet.

On Saturday evenings,

She kneels and irons the clothes she washes for the week in my room,

Unbuttons her blouse to expose her left boob as I lie on my bed.

Is it too hot in here or is she just enticing me again?

She keeps giving me indicator signals but I remain e'yere slow.

If she was a car,

Then she would be a double cabin pickup truck.

Drive slow or you might crash, young man!

Though less educated coz she's a P5 dropout

While am campus level,

I do not despise her:

Her hotness alone is high class!

This househelp makes the sweetest millet porridge.

The Foreigner (2008)

The first time I see her,
She is wearing natural afro-hair.
I land for her immediately even though she appears hard to get.
The boot camp we are in will last one month,
So I plan to befriend her against all odds;
Play my game like The Arsenal Invincibles at home against Liverpool.
The whole camp goes out for a festival on the other side of town,
We dance together for the first time:

Ama woro anzi MUNGU ni,

Sitani, ida mi 'dale!

Translated from my mother tongue Lugbara,

Which she probably didn't understand:

We are all GOD's children,

Satan, vacate aside!
She asks me to exchange my country's currency for hers.

Harambee!

I happily give her the money and tell her there is a bonus.
When we return to our camp, I dance with her again until midnight.
It's like we invent our own jig,
I honestly fancy her.
She is a pleasant, immaculate woman! 
I buy her a beer as the bonus I promised,
She tells her girls who accuse me of ignoring them.
My male friends joke that I want to hop on her ass;
Maybe it's true!
She has great tact with children,
I admire that skill in her.
Even when I later see her kissing another man from a different far far far-away country,
I tell her that I love her;
Takes the weight off my heart.
All I want is to be her friend;
I guess I achieve that.

This is my story of Life!

She is like drinking ice-cold Safi in a plastic cup or sipping Mango juice in a Splash box through a straw,

House of Dawda!

She's my V&A Sherry, Club beer and Smirnoff Black Ice!
Although I believe she is made of something precious,
She does not act like she is too good for me.
She allows me to use her laptop,
I gift her some great blues songs from my flashdisk as my farewell gift though given to me by an older woman.
Foreigner lets me know that she loves the music when she returns to her country.

Twin Telepathy

It's not easy to differentiate mademoiselle from her identical twin sister's face,

But I know phonenumbers do not lie,

Unless they switch phonelines,

To mess me up like R. Kelly and Usher or AK-47.

I learn that fact the hard way.

She's got really strong hands,

Can even shake me as do earthquakes.

I love the way she sings,

She's in the city-church choir,

Guess she can act well too,

Plus speaks good French;

Definitely Vision Group Twin Festival material.

I wish I could teach her Chinese.

Her smile is remarkable,

Hospitality is her forte,

Even my Ex-heartthrob calls her "beautiful".

Oui, elle est belle!

Her birthday is exactly half a year from mine.

Like snacks, she adds double flavour to my single life.

I fancy the mental telepathy between us,

As though am a Kisoro Man.

Her hospitality is welcome.

Will she come to Arua,

Or turn me into her fraternal hubby?

Let's tour our country,

Like two big elephants in the sunset,

Enjoy art paintings plus West Nile mangoes!

But maybe we are not meant to be together forever.

Tutor (2009)
Shorty is two years older than me.
My new boss calls and tells her 
To tutor me concerning
How the company works.
She's well versed about their insider things,
Opens up my mind to unseen-before software,
Takes very good care of me on the first day,
Buys me hot food and a cold soda;
Almost like honeymoon at the lounge.
If I was a patient in Mulago,
She's the daytime nurse.
Brownskin pulls a chair next to my side,
Presses her knees against my right thigh,
I do not extend away;
Then takes off her creamy white coat.
I can now see her entire
Stringed, sleeveless, red mini-dress,
But do not want
To admire her protruding brown thighs;
I already have a girlfriend.
Is this workplace sexual harassment
Or temptation?
How come women scream and report but men don't?
It's because we lose nothing much.
She's enticingly too near on Day One;
I can feel her breasts
Rubbing against my right arm and backside repeatedly.
It's quite tingly,
Almost disarming!
Is she communicating something?
Of course she's assertive,
Maybe taking advantage of me,
But am not a victim.
I take it as sweet initiation and remain calm,
Focussed on the projector screen
Plus laptop computer,
Instead of the top of her lap nor bust.
I must learn,
Not for her body warmth yearn.
Perhaps she has seen a lot of evil in this world:
Divorce, betrayal, hatred,
Gender manipulation,
Lies, assault, exploitation, etc;
I vow in my heart
To show her only my good nature,
Make her laugh heartily during my moments,
Be very kind to her
Until my contract is over.
No thorns,
No insults,
No bad blood!
Let's finish roofing our friendship;
She's already built the foundation and walls.

Red Pain

I'm walking down the Lane,

Going to the Public Library.

Suddenly from behind, someone calls my name.

I thought no stranger in this hood knows my face nor frame.

I don't believe in my own fame.

When I turn to look at who it might be,

I'm smitten:

Wow, this girl is really beautiful like a perfect 10;

She could have been a flower in the valley,

Definitely Number 1 on my list,

The Beauty of beauties,

Four years younger than me,

But better than Beyonce and all the supermodels I have ever seen!

Her shekinah is not regular.

I wonder what her lifestyle is like.

They say:

Wise Men come from the East;

Beautiful Women too.

The stunner's appearance is delicious

Like maize porridge with groundnut paste in it.

She is taking her younger sister to Arua Hospital for medication.

I have never even seen them before.

I can't believe am everything she wants in a man.

She has everything I desire in a woman:

Beauty, respect, eloquence and three layers of love,

Which are hard to find mashed up in one person.

Our connection is like free Wi-Fi.

I love everything about her and vice versa;

It's just that I do not trust her,

Too beautiful to be undisturbed by other dudes.

She tells her Best Friend am her Boyfriend,

But she is not sure if I love her as much as she does,

Because I've never spoken it with my tongue;

I only texted it via Uganda Telecom.

That's very funny you know!

Actions speak louder than words,

But sometimes actions are just unnecessary noise.

Maybe I shouldn't chat about politics,

But kiss her lips instead.

She worries that I only love her like a brother would,

Though am just cautious and patient;

Playing it very very very safe,

Simply enjoying the back and forth moments she gives me.

Obsession can cause heartwreck,

So I take everything slow,

While patienty waiting for the end of her Makerere University studies.

To distract herself from wanting me too deeply,

She gets my replacement without restraint.

The midday I randomly confirm the secret I wanted to discover,

As if led by the Holy Spirit to her hostel gate which I did not know,

So cruel is the pain,

That I almost faint,

Under the pressure of the hot Kampala Sun.

No tears formed nevertheless,

I just accepted the situation:

I'm not down and out,

Neither the first nor last to go through this.

"Topowa," don't quit the game!

Mac Elvis must have sang that song for fans like me:

My love was just misleading me,

Yet I cherished her like a cement wall adores Sadolin paint.

She's the type I would wish for when cast away on an island.

All my family would have loved her,

Even by force.

Later in the evening,

My favourite football club Arsenal beats Blackburn 4-0,

Andrei Arshavin scores his first goal as a Gunner,

But the match feels like a goalless draw,

Because my pain is red.

Even highlights of Liverpool's early kickoff 4-1 win at Manchester United do not console me.

While returning home at dusk, 

I rest against a wall fence in Bukoto to send an SMS to my supervisor and almost get arrested,

As a suspect for a robbery the previous night,

But plead tactfully for mercy from the plump woman who was attacked.

Then vacate the Capital City to unwind in the Lado Enclave like a zonto.

I'm so paid, I keep my pockets full.

All I need in this life of twists,

Is paper therapy;

Let the money relax me!

A wise woman in Mukono once told me:

Chase money, not skirts!

I chased both.

My boobilicious Best Friend gets engaged and marries the other guy,

Bringing my Worst Premonition to life.

I wish for evening to come immediately that morning in Arua.

Life is too short,

You have to mend your damaged heart very fast or die young!

Rumours (2010)

The Parish supervisor believes am sleeping with my workmate;

He spreads the rumours.

My workmate reports him to me.
Maybe I should mess with her to clear my name,
Maybe I shouldn't, but she always looks sexy,
Many men in the Subcounty talk about her casual but very raunchy bodyhugging fashion.

I hear them say that we should advise our colleague to dress more decently;

I think it's just her outgoing personality that enhances her slimfit booty.

The locals are probably mesmerised by her youthful swerve.

I encourage her not to worry about any insults the villagemen spew,

But act like she has earphones on;

She giggles.

On the first day of work when an older already-married male workmate plus myself have nowhere else to sleep because we finish work late,
She lets us rest on her mattress in a nearby rented brick and mortar room.
Her roommate who lets her sleep next to her is against allowing strange men sleep next to them in the same room.
The three of us transfer to a grass-thatched mud-hut the next sunrise,
Pay rent for a month,

3,000 UGX for one room;

I actually double it to be fair.
My male workmate gets a mattress for us from his Maracha home,
So that she sleeps alone on the mattress she lent us the preceding night.

She asks me to take her to the home of my ancestors;

It's my pleasure.

What I respect about this girl is that she always prays for us before we sleep. 
She's very engaging in conversation and I actually adore her, that's not a rumour;
The supervisor probably sees that in the way I treat and look at her.
One morning, she informs me that all her kids are in her womb;
Their spirits come from outer space.
At sunset, we walk back to our hut holding hands,
The supervisor struts behind us with her former roommate.
Maybe he deduces a chemistry and physics between us! 
Another day, she sits on a bench covering my lap,
I explain to her why I prefer the Tab button on computer keyboards.
She tells me her funny stories,
Pours some of her tea into my cup after I finish mine,
I drink it happily without worrying about any disease. 
We fetch water together from the borehole.
Pump slow!
She instructs me like the teacher she is at Maracha SS and I oblige with a glow.
Other girls who give us right of way watch us. 
I use a dry-cell-powered torch but buy kerosene for her local tadoba lamp,
Plus edibles such as sugar as gratitude.

She asks me, "How come your phone rarely rings?"

Then threatens to put an aphrodisiac in the food she cooks for me.
I'm not scared,
Bring the marriage certificates for us to sign!

The female Subcounty team leader actually approves of our friendship like a mother would.
There is nothing dirty in my room to mop away,
Let's get jiggy!  

If you want something, go for it!
Netuchachancha wid evry ting nyce, effortlessly:

We have dinner for two at a restaurant after the FA Cup Final, 

I feel like Didier Drogba with my cup of water!
She rubs my back and spine as farewell.

It's Dancehall Saturday,

But I go to sleep in a different hut before jigging starts, feeling exhausted. 

I want to wake up early Sunday morning and head to the home church.

The village rumours do not affect me negatively,
I lose nothing, not even my image.
Let them talk!
I tell my workmate that maybe the supervisor sees me eat her in spirit;
She tastes like fresh yam.

Care

Money can't buy love,

But maybe it can buy care for a day, 

30,000 UGX!

Isn't it also free?

One by one makes a Kyebando;

Kisalosalo, Nsoba, Central, etc.

I didn't convert to Islam so that I can marry four wives.

However, the Koran frees you to appreciate another woman who impresses you,

When rejected by other women.

It's my 8th year after reciting the shahada,

Nyabo in white gives me a high wooden stool to sit on.

I'm literally in her hands right now,

Completely naked!

Can't hide anything from her apart from my thoughts.

Like a wounded Philistine giant,

She nurses my cuts steadily with care;

Keeps pouring clean water on me.

In fact, she can do to me anything she wants;

I'm sweating haplessly because she is in full control.

I hold the stool tightly with both hands behind me,

So that am not knocked out plus down by excitement.

The smell of her oily perm dominates my mind,

Babe keeps rubbing her hair against my forehead,

Like temple communication!

I breathe in her scent for a moment,

While she inhales mine too.

When she finishes her job and walks to the backdoor,

I desire more time with her,

But can't get extra time.

Chapati

Hot chick is dressed in all white,

Hot white to be precise,

Top and pants;

Covers her stretchmarks well like a cowgirl.

She's tall and hot like her sister,

Cassava does wonders!

This is the era of Natasha's father,

Eat your alifu towi (5,000 UGX)!

There's a get-together pan mi yard.

Deejay plays the music after nightfall:

My Miss,

Sesetula; kikankanye [Let it shake]!

Feeling my hands on both sides of her big behind as though possessed,

A different kyana in a grey skirt turns,

To see who touched her.

Earlier, she said she liked me, while tipsy,

Tried to return the favour.

She did not slap me;

Nevertheless, I move left to dance with the taller big girl,

At the TV corner,

Put my right thigh between her thicker thighs,

And try to rub against her watertap naughtily;

It may be pleasant,

But also embarassing if I turn her tap on.

The room is dimly lit,

So I hope noone around us will notice.

She doesn't kick my groin with her right thigh in repulsion,

But courteously dances along.

Then she puts her hand on my chest,

As if grabbing my heart,

Gently moves me against the wall,

About two meters away.

Turns her booty around,

Bends over at an angle,

Like she's picking up groceries.

Then starts twerking on my body,

Sliding left and right,

Up and down like a tennisball;

Paying me back in full measure:

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,

A tap for a tap.

I'm caught between a brickwall and a soft place,

Feeling as paralysed as wallpaper.

Young woman irons my pair of trousers using her own booty heat without apologies.
Normal body temperature is usually 37 degrees Celsius,
However, mine rises to 39 and over immediately.
I'm a captive in her flower garden tonight;
Luckily, she clipped her thorns.

I cannot escape her trap though;

Stuck with her like nganu mixed with warm water, oil plus salt.

She flips the script with her rolling pin,

Flattens me like a chapati on a board,

Then throws me where her big black sigiri tawa-pan is,

Standing on two tall legs.

Brushing rhythmically,

It feels as if she added honey as an ingredient

To make the Most Delicious Chapati ever.

Hot chick cooks me like pasta.

Isn't this why the birds sing to me?

Lala la, lala, lalala!

Even rebels get converted by love like this.

I want more chapati from her but shouldn't be greedy.

When she thirsts for a drink,

I bring her red watermelon juice from a green jerrycan outside hurriedly,

Not water.

I think I should drink it too,

It's an aphrodisiac.

Village boys may give her a C in the front,

But she's an A behind;

Boom!

This is not torture,

But chapati,

Asanti!

Use A Condom

One morning in KLA,

I wake up from a dream

Telling me bluntly to "use a condom".

Though I made family planning teaching guides in Makindye,

I didn't fancy condoms;

They promote fornication, adultery and prostitution.

Before midday,

I'm visited by a woman

Who has the Biggest Nyash

I have ever acknowledged outside the capital city;

She's huge and mature enough to be my sugarmummy.

Wasn't expecting her,

But she offers to mop the whole house for me;

Three rooms only.

When she bent over in a blue skirt,

It meant her behind stood out above every other part of her body.

I sat in the sitting room at the corner,

Couldn't close my eyes but appreciate what GOD gave her.

Since I didn't know if she had a husband,

Or an STD,

Or was a shapeshifting entity sent to trap me,

I fight off lust.

If I was not strong enough in resisting temptation,

Then I might have rushed to buy a condom

On the next block.

Maybe the dream was insight about possible danger.

When she finished mopping,

She sat on a mat not far from my feet as we watched TV.

I thanked her,

Chatted more than 39 words,

Then gave her tea with brown bread she never forgot for years.

She has very sexy legs!

Like a 10,000 UGX SanDisk Micro SD memory card,

She filled me up with melodious wonder;

Even invited me to spend a night at her home.

Vibes do not require a lot of money.

Second Round

Welcome to our ghetto!

Everytime I see her,

My skin cells become unstable,

Like there is fire under my skin,

Wishing for her calming touch.

I control myself,

But my body remains alert,

Just in case she comes closer.

She makes the sign of the cross,

Then drinks water in an army-green cup;

That's Roman Catholic!

I'm Protestant.

Wish I could make her laugh,

Maybe 25K cash would.

I usually eat one round of food,

But if she cooked for me,

I would take another plate;

No burnt beans,

Everything so yellow,

Like Winter mangoes in January.

Behind every exciting woman,

There is a man following her.

I do not fancy crunching red guavas,

However the juice is redrinkably tasty;

Second round!

Like black fuel in a blue Smart Home,

She's always relevant;

Awa'difo!

GOD bless her soul!

Yoghurt (2018)
From sunrise to sunset, she works as hard as metal,
Moves around a lot.
She's like fuel in a maroon Toyota Duet and am the ignition key.

Rats should stay away!
Her laugh is quite loud, but it's okay.
My woman is my property.
She is down to Earth like a mango and guava tree;
Always perfumed too,

A star girl!
Her figure looks nice,
Reminds me of a Coca-Cola bottle!
This girl has meat,

Even if she doesn't believe it!
I would cheerfully give her a full sack of cassava to accompany that,

Plus 40 litres of Arua Water.
She's not only mango juice but also my yoghurt,
Which smells like nganu wheat flour.
It's not as eggwhite as her soft petticoat plus harder mini-skirt,

But still a mark of my hunger,

As well as suffocating desire.
In her videogame world, am Bosiko.
She has power in her fingers to control me like a console.
I cannot disrespect her even when she taunts that I have no peepee,

Hope it is not reverse psychology;

I'm just self-controlled.

"Mummy!"

She cries out when my sudden appearance surprises her.
There's a gallop of water in my mouth,
Soothes the throat when I finally swallow it and apologise.

"It's okay," she consoles me.

Like a charcoal stove in the kitchen,
Or smoking joint burning steadily,
She heats me up.
My blood boils as if it's milk.

Lady looks delicious like ombangulu in a skyblue blouse and black skirt.
Do I have to beg for her gash?
This melanin-skinned angel has swash!
She wore a skyblue hood!
Blackskin wiggles her nyash while clad in a light-yellow towel,

As if trying to tease me,
Tells me I made myself docile here,

If only she knew how intensely she enchants me.

It's just that I hide the hard truth from her.

I need a drift formula.

Even though we are not married,

Only death can separate us.

She invites me for tea,

I tell her I do not drink too much sugar;
All I want is yoghurt.

Peace

It's my favourite girl's transcendental and sunny birthday afternoon.

There is a dinner for several people expected at my mam and pap's crib;

Maybe 30.

I help cut and roast two chicken with a babe in a mini-summerdress.

Although her dresscode is too provocative for a bornagain Christian,

I'm grateful she keeps her shouting thighs together in the outer kitchen,

Coz am fasting.

She can't believe some chicken live for 30 years.

Her wellcovered colleague meanwhile,

Prepares the cassava, matoke and other things on the verandah.

Dressed in a red blouse and black skirt,

Her waist curve is super-amazing;

I'm awestricken by the window view of her backframe when I enter the inner kitchen,

GOD is creative!

At night, I sit on her rightside in the dining,

While the other cook sits with a neighbour's sister opposite us.

There is a small torch in my left pocket,

Its shape through the trousers may give a wrong message,

But I do not care though am totally calm:

Afterall, my heart appreciates the chick next to me;

Maybe she can see into me.

She sounds quite mature,

Though too loud and lively for someone silent like me.

I tell her: This matoke is maganda!

That's Filipino for "beautiful" though she might have interpreted it differently;

Trying to compliment her for the cooking.

She chuckles and shouts: That is the funniest thing I've heard today.

The boys in the bigger sitting room tell her she should stay behind in Arua with me,

Instead of returning to KLA.

After the food and drinks,

I help my mother pour honey in white 5-liter jerrycans;

Superwaist comes to watch us like a sunflower.

Feels quite volatile when the female you admire

Stares at you while you do something slower;

It's fuel, motivation to be perfect,

No fumbling.

We pray to disparse before midnight.

While am walking out behind her,

She stops suddenly and probably reverses;

Her glorious maximus bumps into my body.

I feel the pleasant heaviness;

It sends electricity through me.

We continue walking out.

At the exit door,

She bends over unannounced to pick her footwear,

This time bumping my body harder.

I almost fall backwards,

Thankfully, my stamina keeps me balanced,

Around 39 degrees off the centre of gravity.

Then I tell her:

Thanks for coming!

She could have been my Peace for life,

But goodbye, nyabo!

Incandescent (2020)

Because of her radiance,

She glows like the Kansas Sun at dawn.

Her beauty lights up my day,

Like a bird at the Bay.

What else can I say?

She's incandescent:

This woman can sway.

Bless her everyday,

LORD, I pray!

Coldshoulder (2022)

She jumped from my Top 3 to top of the tree;

Photosynthesis.

MUNGU ni fe ni, ERI vini ga ni;

GOD is who gives, HE is also who refuses.

A natural beauty,

I loved the way her sad eyes hawked at me.

Her tender hands left fingerprints in my heart.

She told me she liked me because I treated her better than everyone else.

I always tried to make her giggle with my stories, jokes, games and later texts.

However, am not funny anymore;

I had the audacity to ask the husband of her youth for her phone number.

She assures me she was just tolerating me,

Finally warns me to stop nagging her.

The Beautyful One is not interested in my obsession.

All I wanted was her friendship until infinity.

Disconnection is redirection,

But I won't let that come between us;

I'm going to love her forever.

Slim Red

She's Black, slim and short,

Like I like.

I first saw her at night,

But couldn't match the face during daytime,

Simply because she wore spectacles the other time.

But the voice, oh my GOD!

It's musically unforgettable,

Plucks chords in my heart,

Like Tiwa Savage.

She looks angelic in her all-black dress,
Which compliments her Black skin.

Let's take a shortwalk, dear!

Two red hearts under a white umbrella.

Or should it be red in colour too?!

She's my G,

Like red beans and white rice.

A few hours with her is as sweet as a full week;

She put me in a backpack like a Nigerian.

Thank you so much, dear!

Zaru (2023)

With a wooven khaki ogea harvest basket in her left hand,

She doesn't mind spending some extra time with me.

How kind of this oku woman from Maracha!

She's my Jamila;

I feel like West B.

Her lovely kitenge dress is sharp and cutting edge

Like brand new Dorco Titan stainless steel razor blades,

Made in Vietnam.

No artificial dribi hair,

Nor fancy perfume scent on her, 

Just a clean, fresh, natural body odour!

Black skin is not the Most Beautiful Woman around,

But at least she has iza meat,

Bumpy like humps on a murram bypass road.

Whereas men grow potbellies at the front,

Women deposit their oso fat behind.

Her Lugbara nyash tells me to follow her,

It's a lockdown;

No way out,

No retreat,

Only surrender!

Ride or die!

The race is on;

I can't say No.

Had missed this interlude for seven months,
No holding back this time.
I have to put my mind to it and finish.

She looks left and right;

Wondering for a moment what's happening behind her.

Is it rock hard to figure out?

Calm down!

Ready or not,

Here I come,

You can't hide.

All women are beautiful!

She's probably less than 7 in the face,

But definitely 8 to 10 in the ass;

Up or down,

We'll stick together until the very end.

Our bodies communicate like woodglue,

Zero distance,

Chapter 39!

Is she from Nyoro or Zambia Village?

She wore a black and teal attire.

Feel the breeze as if we are in a desert!

I love the Ayivu wind this morning.

Now is the time!

It's approaching or probably already sawa na itusi, 9am;

Clouds in the sky look as chubby as Cupid,

The weather out here is humid.

No rain yet,

But am already wet,

Like a maize cob floating in a narrow riverstream nearby;

That waterbody in the valley should be named after her.

Take what you get!

Smartly dressed in a brand new, skyblue, 100 percent-cotton garment with orange stripes, 

Bought from Gaagaa Market, though made in People's Republic of China,

Why should I be embarassed by an abrupt moment of pleasure?

This woman is my treasure!

Worth more than only 4,000 UGX,

She's my seed-school and hotel mashed up in one darkskinned female.

Ugandan Women

Bateso are as beautiful as a fantasy;

Batoro can join them like Cushites (Ethiopians and Rwandese).

Lugbara have very sweet voices,

Like ripe mangoes, pineapples and passion fruits; no sugar.

Banyankole are endowed infront and behind,

Maybe because of amate [cow milk].

Baganda are loaded;

They love money and work hard for it like independent ladies.

Asians especially Indians add yellow spice to the Ugandan population.

Basoga are mysterious;

The brownskinned ones represent well the red soil on which they toil.

For GOD and Ugandan women.

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

Every woman has her own unique likes in a relationship; many do not want to be beaten, cheated on, disrespected nor verbally abused but given regular kimeza funds and freedom to pursue a career of their choice. It's universally agreed that women crave legal tender but money cannot buy love; what it can buy is a traditional introduction (kwanjula), wedding (or marriage ceremony), food and property. Are you looking for a soulmate or a bank ATM? That's the question. Money is the answer for everything (Ecclesiastes 10:19 taught us that) and makes life much easier than poverty but Love is simply an attraction or fondness and for us guys can be sparked off by anything including a woman's natural voice, gait or curves. Men want peace, friendship and sex - even for just 3 minutes, as simple as that: Males do not care how trendy or expensive a woman's hair, makeup and clothes are. Funny how both genders are wired! Every man has some ka-money, find where the bulk is hidden; it's all GOD's grace! Women also have money, so do they look for what they already have or desire more of it? Don't they look for love or is money more important than affection? Rich people eg Jeff Bezos unfortunately divorce too, so money ain't everything; GOD is everything and HE is LOVE. I heard someone say that a hug cannot buy anything but it can make you feel better. You do not have to own the whole world to be happy, a lover's smile or presence can make your morning plus weekend. No money, no love; no money, no honey! The love of money has been so demonised that you wonder whether rich men (as portrayed in many films) do not deserve to be loved when competing with poorer men for wives; they have legit feelings too. Also, someone can be broke now, sleep and wake up loaded. Does that suddenly make them worthy of love? If Godfrey Baguma (aka Sebabi) in Kyazanga (between Masaka and Mbarara) made more money than Brad Pitt, then does he also become more handsome? Despite his facial appearance as the Ugliest Man, he managed to get about three wives plus over eight kids; maybe money makes a man more handsome. One fairweather Kenyan lady once said that men who do not have cars should not get married. For her, she cannot use a matatu taxi. I guess she would rather cry in a Lamborghini than laugh on a boda (bike). That sounds quite ludicrous; even wise King Solomon who possessed no car (forget horses and chariots) had 700 wives and 300 concubines plus Queen Sheba though GOD did not approve of his polygamy. Muhammad who had no automobile married 19 wives. How about Jacob? Jerub-Baal aka Gideon, the one of 300 GOD-picked soldiers had many wives (Judges 8:30) and 70 sons. Adam just slept and woke up with a wife; stress-free. Kirikiri, mi aa ma oku (MAMO) [Lugbara Translate: Please, be my wife (BMW)]! The Koran (in 4:3 [Women]) labels polygamy as "Injustice" if you cannot deal equally with a maximum of "two, or three, or four" Wives and recommends "only one" Woman. Nevertheless, the mere fact that a man can choose four women is a remedy for heartbreak: If Cecilia rejects you, then chase after Hadijah or Amina! No stress. Malachi likens divorce to violence. Is money necessary in a relationship? Yes of course everyone needs money, you cannot eat kisses but rich people also get cheated on: What did Potiphar's wife want from Joseph? She was living in wealth but still wanted to cheat. An Indian Proverb says: When you see two lovers, don't hate, but throw flowers! Love cannot be based on money or luxury all the time; it becomes so fragile that coins turn into the requirement for loyal allegiance like Delilah betrayed Samson (who loved her) to the Philistines because of money after his new wife was given to another man and then killed. What therefore money has joined together, a richer man can put asunder. Hosea's wife was a prostitute. Uriah's wife Bathsheba slept with her husband's boss; King David snatched women like Bathsheba and Abigail from their husbands whom he wanted dead. The Samaritan woman had five husbands and the man she was staying with was not her hubby. Either you are a faithful partner or cheating slut, you cannot be both!

GOD provides, HIS hand is not short. Imagine every man earns minimum wage which can afford food, clothes and shelter! Is that still not enough? Generous Men's Association of Uganda (GMAU) also exists; they spend when they get. When they do not have, they continue to hustle. Women who treasure money as a requirement for love can be duped by bafere [conmen]; they put a price tag on their loyalty. Money comes and goes. Love first, then money later! I guess Pastor Aaron Mutebi from Entebbe Miracle Centre would tell you that gem of wisdom based on his own experience. Affordable bridewealth [aka Brideprice, Aje, Lobola, etc] is good enough as a foundation for marriage. In the Bible, the marriage present is about 50 (Israeli) Shekels of silver paid to the father of the woman (Exodus 22:16-17 and Deuteronomy 22:28-29) which was 14 US Dollars in 2017, enough to buy a goat in Uganda (By 2021, a goat was three to four times that price). For the Muslim Nika, gifts are not limited to specifics; you give from the heart. Culturally though in Africa, requirements can go beyond just one goat and include cows, sheep plus chicken. Do you even know how much money you will make or lose 10 years from now, GOD willing? Money is just a tool like a spanner, it may (by 21 percent) or may not improve the chances of love. Money is not the relationship but a transaction fee to seal the union between two families, that is why marriage vows declare: In sickness and poverty. A marriage union is like a club football transfer with a permanent (renewable) contract till death, an eternal Memorandum of Understanding or "romantic startup business" and must be recorded by Uganda Registration Services Bureau (URSB) so as to be recognised by the State (Government). 

Here are some songs that debunk the fanciful idea that "True Love is only based on Money":

1. Nkuweki - IRYN NAMUBIRU

2. Mudguard - BAD BLACK

3. I'd Rather Be - JHENE AIKO

4. Wuuyo - A PASS

5. Sente - BEBE COOL

6. Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me) - BLESSID UNION OF SOULS

7. Don't Need No Money - IMANI WILLIAMS

8. Love Don't Cost A Thing - JENNIFER LOPEZ (RJ Schoolyard Mix ft. FAT JOE)

9. Best Friend - 50 CENT ft. OLIVIA

10. Cheap Thrills - SIA FURLER ft. SEAN PAUL

11. No Air - JORDIN SPARKS ft. CHRIS BROWN

12. Reason With Me - RUDEBOY

13. Sing For Me - LYDIA JAZMINE ft. PRINCE OMAR

14. John Rambo - SHEEBAH

15. Specioza - BOBI WINE

16. Bikyuka - EDDY KENZO

17. Soka Lami - NAAVA GREY

18. The Actor - MICHAEL LEARNS TO ROCK

19. Sparks Will Fly - J. COLE ft. JHENE AIKO

20. Kasengejja - MAUREEN K

21. 21 Questions - 50 CENT

22. Byafayo - VOLTAGE MUSIC (KENT & FLOSSO)

23. Kasenyanku - RAY SIGNATURE

24. Tebiba Bingi - IRYN NAMUBIRU

25. Nothing's Gonna Change My Love - GLENN MEDEIROS

26. Amaaso (Remix) - VINKA ft. WINNIE NWAGI, FEFFE BUSSI and THE MITH

27. Over & Over Again - TAMI CHYNN

28. Stress Free - EDDY KENZO ft. FACEE OFF

29. Maaso Yawe - CHOZEN BLOOD

30. Kelekele Love - TIWA SAVAGE

31. Superstar - PINKY

32. Wonderful - JA RULE ft. ASHANTI and R. KELLY

33. Love Letter - BEBE COOL ft. IRENE NTALE

34. Mawulire - PEACE PERUTH

35. Do Without My Love - NATHAN

36. Tatizo - BILLNASS

37. Yatapita - DIAMOND PLATNUMZ

38. If I Ain't Gat You - ALICIA KEYS

39. Amelia - DOCTOR HILDERMAN

40. Ayiko - LEILA CHANDIRU

41. Zali La Mentali - PROFESSOR JAY ft. JUMA NATURE

X. All I Need To Get By - MARY J. BLIGE ft. METHOD MAN

My Dream Woman (2021 Poem)

Love should not be complicated;

Either you go left or go right.

Either you strut after the woman you fancy who goes her way,

Or follow the one who loves you,

Abanoonya,

Be My Date,

Be My Wife (BMW),

Date My Daughter,

Date My Family,

Date My Friends,

Late Date!

Take Me Out!

Take Me Home!

Will He Say Yes?

Hello Mr. Right!

Shoot Your Shot!

Ultimate Love.

Dating: No Filter!

According to the Holy Bible,

Love is the Greatest Thing on Earth!

Who got the keys to the favour? LORD GOD.

There are two types of women:

Diamonds love you more than you love them,

Pearls you love more than they love you;

A diamond pearl woman loves you as much as you love her.

I meet this woman in KLA City at Arua Park,

She's like a fire truck,

Heading to Nateete or Mulago.

Where shall we go?

She can put out the fire burning in me.

What's her name again?

Could it be Faridah, the drycleaner?

Looks as brownskinned as Sheila, the TV presenter,

Salt & Pepper in my food,

Music to my ears!

Walks ahead of me,

Talking on her Tecno smartphone;

I need to catch up,

Thank GOD it's Friday!

Her gait is very unique!

Doesn't care if I talk to other girls behind her back,

Coz she knows I cannot leave her.

Then tells me how she wants me to eat my food,

Leave no trace on my fingers.

Her thighs are round like raw cassava from Arua or Sheebah the Diva,

She's a Queen Herself,

Dances like Cindy too.

I can list 23 things I adore about her.

Why wear a wig of very expensive artificial hair,

Yet her face is naturally as beautiful as a Filipino?

She looks nice in a dark blue calf-high skirt and purple top.

This woman is the rose in my room.

Will we celebrate the Golden Jubilee of our friendship like the M7s?

Loving her is like winning a 50 inch TV in a wheel-rolling draw,

No stealing!

Sweet like fene,

I do not care if she is Lutheran or Atheist,

Noone has seen GOD.

We just believe what seems right and holy.

All we need is love and trust.

We are on the same page of happiness;

JESUS Christ, I will still pray for her soul at any stage.

I'm in the Gallery Department,

Till death do us from Earth depart!

Zoom!

I'm her groom.

Love Is A Number (Lyrics on Tuesday 21st June 2022)

She don't want no scrub, but I don't really care,

I'm an earlyman, I don't really swear.

Act like you want to!

I can walk the road to riches barefoot, and still buy pairs.

Let's take a walk to remember, Footsubishi!

I can't afford a RAV4,

But I can afford love for,

Only you.

Money can't buy love,

Because it's just a number.

Pick yours and let me pick mine, wama,

Like Betty Mpologoma!

Desert Dates (2024)

Can love be arranged by a third party?

Let's get chatty!

Tell me about yourself;

I'll tell you my stories.

Loneliness is dry,

But love is also a mirage.

You must dig an oasis

Or transport water from a distant source.