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| Birthday Squad (2017) |
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| Birthday Squad 2: Presidential (2019) |
I'm stunned that I share my Birthday with a Cousin called Job [one of several Matchups in my Extended Family]; Nicholas Cage [Gone In 60 Seconds, Con Air, National Treasure, Face Off, Next, etc]; Ruth Negga [the beautiful Ethiopian-born Irish Actress who starred in Loving, Preacher (Series), etc]; Blue Ivy Carter [Jay-Z's Daughter, the forever young Version of Beyonce]; Lewis Hamilton [very agile and sharp British F1 Champion Driver]; Roger Mugisha (Mugisher) [previously DJ Shadow and an ex-Devil Worshipper]; Raila Odinga [2nd Prime Minister of Kenya]; Julie Gichuru - the Prettiest Kenyan Woman on Television according to me [From Citizen TV she moved to KBC]; Jeremy Renner [American Actor in The Hurt Locker, The Immigrant, Avengers, Hawkeye, etc]; Lauren Cohan [American Actress in The Walking Dead]; Eric Gagne [Pitcher]; Irrfan Khan [Bollywood Actor]; Caster Semenya [South African Champion Runner]; Shinar Gutenberg; Lydia Nabatanzi [Ugandan Lady, her Name just popped up in my Head as if by Telepathy]; Katie Couric [TV Presenter]; David Caruso [Actor]; Haley Bennett; Jeff Koinange [Emmy Award-winning Kenyan Talk Show Host]; Eden Hazard {I wish he was a Gunner]; Bart Kakooza [Ugandan Filmmaker famous for "The World Is Ending Tomorrow" about Ugandan False Prophets Joseph Kibwetere and Credonia Mwerinde]; Charles Addams [Cartoonist who created The Addams Family]; Zayed [Son of Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum of UAE and Princess Haya bint Hussein of Jordan]; Jay Lynch; Robert Edgren; Aloe Blacc [who sang "I'm The Man"]; Vybz Kartel [sentenced to 49 years in prison for murder but still sings about obscene stuff without flinching]; etc and also the Day Nikola Tesla died, 9th Archbishop of the Church of Uganda (CoU) - Samuel Kazimba got married (1984) plus International Programmers or Coders Day, wuhu! On one of my Special Days before 104.1 Power FM stopped playing secular Music and became exclusively Gospel, I phoned in and told the angelic Presenter Diana Kobugabe [before she moved to read News at Sanyu FM] to dedicate for me any Song by Mariah Carey. When I hang up the Phone, she told the Listeners that I had "a Crush on Mariah Carey". Mimi is not even on my Birthday Squad; we don't belong together. All I wanted for the 12th Day of Christmas was not her but just one of her Top 12 Best Songs like "I'll Give My All", "When You Believe" or "Hero". Truth is: As a Scooby, I had zilch, none, nara, zero romantic Feelings for MC even if her Booty looks attractive - GOD's Creation, but only fancied her high-pitched Diva Voice and glittery Lyrics. Besides, overall I preferred Celine Dion's Discography plus Mariah's World was far far far away; I could not be that delusional! I was not obsessed with Mariah; she aint even my Type! I've only had irresistible Crushes on countable Babes I could meet including Joy plus Kawino [1991], Mariam [1993], Rita [1997], Catherine [1999, unexplained] and Alice [2003], mainly Shorties. Even though me and Diana stayed in the same KLA City Suburb, I don't think she knew me that well but I was amazed by the immaculately white Dresses she wore. Having discovered my Birthday Squad, now I have endless Ideas in terms of what exactly to celebrate about Life on my Birthday, aha...
THUGGED OUT
One Sunday in 2016 around Noontime while returning Home on a Boda Bike [near the End of Hospital Road as it joins Arua Avenue] after meeting my Cousins, a Thug tried to rob a Pedestrian on my right. The targeted Victim who was dressed casually in navy blue Jeans seemed easygoing though slightly bigger and taller than the daring Thug clad in a yellow Uganda Cranes Jersey plus khaki Trousers. The Thief tried to pickpocket Money in broad Daylight from the Lad minding his own Business but got noticed immediately. What was he thinking; are we in a Jungle really? It was Sunday alright but there were still enough People around. The Lad grabbed him by the Collar and almost strangled him asking loudly, "Sende nde mini?" [Translated from Lugbara: Is the Money yours?] The stunned Thug just had to break free by slipping expertly out of his Jersey and ran eastwards barechested down Hospital Road; he was chased by other People as me and my Boda continued our Way smiling. I don't know what the targeted Lad did with the yellow Shirt: probably threw it down like David O'bua in his last Game for UG at Nambole against Guinea Bissau about half a Decade back.
FIGHTING THE CURSE OF FLU
Everytime I diagnose Symptoms of Flu in my Respiratory System, I tie a warm Cloth [Sweater, Wrap or Scarf] around my Neck. While growing up in Jinja, I do not remember lots of Flu Bouts despite the nearby Lake and dusty red Soil (it was mainly Malaria, Worms, Jiggers, Sprains and Cuts) but when my Parents moved to KLA, I started experiencing a different kind of Flu, one that brings Breathing Complications and Rocket Coughs that feel like something is piercing your Chest from inside. You could not afford to cough many Times in order to reduce the Pain. There was a Guy with that Signature Cough and everytime I got it, I felt he was responsible for spreading it. My Father taught me to always cough into a Fist and not open Air. Nevertheless, that one Cough was loud enough to amuse Classmates. As I grew I learnt that taking Drugs to fight Flu also induces Rocket Coughs so I gave up on them and tried other Alternatives like Feet in a Basin of hot Water, warm Towel over the Head, eating Garlic with Groundnuts, wearing heavy Jackets, swallowing Salt Water onto Throat, Tangawizi and others. However, they only offered temporary Relief. In P7, a Classmate behind me would clear his Nose and place his yellow Mucus-soaked Handkerchief on my Nose; it was so disgusting. It's like he wanted me to get Flu also. In O-Level, I would get Flu almost every Term however hard I wished I didn't. I did not even fancy owning a Hankie and only kept one for a running Nose at the Onset of Flu; I would blow out Mucus mainly in the Urinals or Sink and wash it away while waiting for about two Weeks for the Virus to disappear until the next Cycle. Unfortunately for some Classmates, they probably had Sinuses because they would sneeze into a Handkerchief daily. It still felt like they had permanent Flu but I refused to think that Flu is normal and unavoidable. I always feel uncomfortable when a Person with Flu gives me something they have failed to finish eating like Maize or drinking like Soda. It does not even feel like Generosity to me, sometimes I refuse it. We survive acquiring certain Illnesses by GOD's Grace. On Thursday 12th February 2009 while watching "in good shape" - a Health Program on DW TV, the Presenter mentioned a Scarf as one of the Ways (among many others) to deal with a Cold. I had never tried one before thinking Scarfs are only for Decoration or People in the colder Countries that have thick Snow. For us in Africa, we only have Snow on top of the Tallest Mountains. Because of the Sun's Heat, I used to be too proud to try donning a Scarf but when I finally tried a warm Cloth around my Neck, I was amazed by the Comfort it brought: No more Breathing Complications, Nostrils get unblocked quickly and you generally feel like you are healing. Spiritually I believe Flu is caused by Demons that leave Rubbish Dumps or Sewers to come and reside in your Nose plus Throat. By warming your Neck, you make it uncomfortable for them to stay like sweet Revenge and so they run away; roger that Osmosis Jones...
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| AikoGraphics |
One of my Most Thought-provoking Sabbaths in KLA City was when Liverpool shredded Alex Ferguson's Manchester United apart at Old Trafford (Early Kickoff); not even the adorable Steven Gerrard nor The Kop could lift up my Spirit with a 4-1 Score away because I also had to feel for my Lugbara-Kakwa Second Cousin Edwin who supports Man Utd. From a cold Morning in Nakasero to a possessed Afternoon in Makerere and then Industrial Area, nothing was going my Way that sunny Saturday a Month after being fired from a new Job; so I went to see my upbeat Second Cousin in Bukoto who could at least remind me that #Life is always worth living. I met him on Kira Road exiting Prime Bar before Fulltime as I approached his Place just next Door oblivious of the Score but it was a refreshing Coincidence! We conversed like we had done since the 1990s for roughly two Hours though I did not tell him about some Events surrounding a very humbling New Vision Assignment I was given that Day and he took me back to the same Joint to watch my Arsenal Game (Late Kickoff) plus introduced me to some grown Lugbara-speaking School Teacher. He left me there with the kind Stranger at Dusk because he had to work transnight at MTN; I only drank a Soda. But as I returned Home in the Dark exhausted after a goalless Game, I stopped outside a Wall Fence to text my Supervisor at The Standard (UCU Newspaper). Some fleshy Lady returned Home to the opposite Wall Fence, alerted a Neighbour and started accusing me of being one of the Thugs from the previous Night. The Man meanwhile threatened to call Police asap and throw me in Jail; I calmly reasoned successfully with both Adults to just let me go rest coz the Double Closure before I visited my Cousin was about to make me run mad on them. Mental Peace is very important...
CAN'T LIGHTNING CHARGE A PHONE?
Even though a Lightning Bolt usually seems to strike once briefly before the next Flash, it has enough Energy to kill a Human and damage a Tree or Powerlines; I guess that is why Electricity is switched off during Thunderstorms. Houses are constructed with Lightning Conductors at the Top for Protection. Sometimes in Arua, the Bolts can be really huge. I used to wonder why Arua Lightning makes Matthew 24:27 sound so close: "For as the lightning comes from the east and shines as far as the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man." Then I discovered that Eastern DR Congo holds the record as the "Thunderstorm Capital of the World" alongside a Venezuelan Lake. Two youthful Women were walking on Mt. Wati Road during a cloudy Afternoon in the early 2000s and one of them said that she was not afraid of Lightning. Immediately, there was Thunder and the Pair jumped up into the roadside Cassava Garden at Amnesty Commission; it was quite amusing, they also laughed. I'm always worried that Lightning can strike someone indoors through the Window. Wednesday Night 19th February 2015: I got struck by Lightning Electricity for the first Time while I tried to close tighter the Metal Window in my Room holding the Metal Window-Lock with my left Hand; it had not been raining for some Days. The Energy went through my Hand up to my Elbow yet I had Slippers on and felt like the stinging Shocks I used to get as a Kid while trying to fix a Plug into a hidden Socket that was already on; I learnt about the Power of Electricity the hard Way. Lightning is more than merely Witchcraft. But my other Wonder is whether Lightning can charge a Phone if harnessed. I have seen a Phonescreen light up with a Charge Symbol several Times when Lightning strikes after Power has gone off; Lightning definitely is not a Joke. In 2016, the entire World used 16 TW (Terawatts) of Electricity but one Bolt of Lightning produces 1 Terawatt of Power; it's just difficult to harvest...
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| Logo Design Concept by Aiko |
Around 2003 during my S6 Vacation, I heard that there was a new free-to-air TV Station in Arua but on searching the UHF Band manually, I found nothing. I wondered if it was because of the lack of a Booster or Antenna since Places like Mvara were said to receive it clearly yet the Broadcasting House was on the northern End of Awudele Crescent - the outer curved Road off Oda Road in Anyafio, the same Suburb where I resided and just a few Blocks away; the Waves had to pass near me to reach some Parts of Mvara. Later I discovered that the Signal was receivable with a Roof Antenna. When I finally visited the Station for the first Time, I found a huge Banner outside the Residential Media House advertising a new Radio Station coming soon. I used to watch the TV Owner walking around on the green Compound though he spent a lot of Time in Canada too; I was amazed that the TV Programming Lecturer who joined after my Class at Uganda Christian University in Mukono knew him and asked me if I was related to the Boss since I knew his Name. I also visited the Liaison Agent on Nkrumah Road in KLA trying to sell my Idea for a round orange, sky-blue and brown Logo with a Mast which never got adopted but the TV still used a blue and pink Colour Scheme I fancy. Amazingly in 2014, the upbeat 94.1 Nile FM celebrated exactly 10 Years alongside its Sister TV named BTN (Bornfree Technologies Network) Television. By then I had witnessed the amazing Nature of the TV Station for over a Decade even compareable to the ones from KLA City on all Fronts except maybe only Filler Clip Transitions and Studio Background Graphics. English and Lugbara are the Most Heard Languages on BTN TV but Congolese and Luganda Music also feature greatly. UBC TV used to be switched on mainly when President Yoweri Museveni was coming to Arua while WBS TV also enjoyed some Airplay but after the (Idi Amin-built) Ombaci Earth Station was dismantled by UCC (Uganda Communications Commission), only three Analog Entertainers remained. Despite the Nation-wide Switch from Analog to Digital Broadcasting, BTN TV continued to show for some more Time via Analog after the other Stations namely NTV and Urban TV completely made the Switch. BTN TV was the first Lugbara and only TV Station from West Nile plus showed lots of local Content including Music Videos you could not watch anywhere else except a few on YouTube or other online Music Portals but not Ugandan TVs. Some Dudes in Bugolobi (KLA) once probably tried to wind me up in the late 2000s by saying that there is no TV Station in Arua but I kept my Cool because I knew about UHF 23 registered by Uganda Communications Commission whose picturesque blue Headquarters were just hundreds of Meters away from the Lads; they could have walked there to check. Infact for some Time, BTN test-broadcast an alternate Channel in KLA on UHF 61 showing Movies and Extra-Parliamentary Sessions before shutting down because the Guy in charge of the Equipment disappeared; BTN was broadcasting from a small rented Room on top of Naguru Hill (the Landlord told me) though I also heard of Naalya but never located anyone there. I don't even know if those Bugolobi Naysayers got a brief Glimpse of the Station; maybe it was not their Standard. The only Problems with BTN TV in Arua were that the Signal was not 100 percent clear without an Antenna, it never broadcast continuously (sometimes off) and some Music Videos crossfaded into the others (a Technique one of the Staff told me about) but their Movie Selection was so ballistic that I place them only second to maybe NBS TV if not level in the whole of UG; Urban TV, Bukedde TV and Life TV come close: I do not fancy Commercial Breaks within a Movie Screening (just like in a Soccer Game) interrupting the Flow unless maybe the Flick resumes a few Seconds from where it stopped or Adverts are shown in the Bloomberg TV Format. BTN was a House of Music, Movies, Cartoons, Documentaries (like from National Geographic), Local Shows and International News courtesy of mainly BBC World Service and CNN. BTN focussed on TV Programs that promote Culture, Democracy, Peace, Tolerance, Reconciliation, Health, Agriculture and Entrepreneurship. During 2014, locally produced Shows included the News Bulletins, Saturday Morning Variety for Kids hosted by a Dude from my Hood and other Young'uns, Early Riser by Mara (Nsangi) - the Sweet Girl, BTN Sports with Aloro (Saidi) plus TOK, Lunch Beat Request by (Amina) Likia (around Lunchtime) and Sunset Chat with Rashid and Lillian. In 2015, the Network shifted its Home from Anyafio Suburb to Arua Hill east of the Telecommunications Masts. One Day, BTN showed a Porn Movie for about 15 Minutes but later apologised that it was a Mistake. BTN was expected to go digital around August 2017, it never happened but will happen some Day. Meanwhile, some West Nile Musicians continued to lament that the Absence of a local Station on the Setbox Decoders meant that their Music would not get widespread Promotion. But come to think of it, YouTube is just as good as Digital TV, probably even better considering instant Search and quicker Access! Live free...
TOUGH MIRACLE
I've always wanted to witness a Crusade Miracle where a lame, decapitated or naturally limbless Person suddenly starts developing a perfect Limb like in the Films "Terminus", "The Amazing Spiderman (2012)" and "Deadpool", not just walk or hold Things awkwardly somehow. It's a tough Miracle! Roberts Liardon who visited Heaven as a Kid said that there is a huge Warehouse in Heaven with multiple Bodyparts for People to receive; everybody can be whole. Make that happen JESUS, amen!
BACK FROM THE DEAD by a Buddhist Monk...
My name is Athet Pyan Shinthaw Paulu. I am from the country of
Myanmar. I would like to share with you my testimony of what happened
to me, but first I would like to give some brief background
information from my life growing up.
I was born in 1958 in the town of Bogale, on the Irrawaddy Delta Area
of southern Myanmar [formerly Burma]. My parents, who were devout
Buddhists like most people in Myanmar, named me Thitpin [which means
'tree' in English]. Our lives were very simple where I grew up. At the
age of 13, I left school and started working on a fishing boat. We
caught fish and sometimes also shrimp from the numerous rivers and
streams in the Irrawaddy Area. At the age of 16, I became the leader
of the boat. At this time I lived in Upper Mainmahlagyon Island
[Mainmahlagyon means 'Beautiful Woman Island' in English], just north
of Bogale where I was born. This place is about 100 miles southwest of
Yangon [Rangoon], our nation's capital city.
One day, when I was 17, we caught a large number of fish in our nets.
Because of the many fish, a large crocodile was attracted to us. It
followed our boat and tried to attack us. We were terrified so we
frantically rowed our boats toward the riverbank as fast as we could.
The crocodile followed us and smashed our boat with its tail. Although
no one died in this incident, the attack greatly affected my life. I
no longer wanted to fish. Our small boat sank because of the crocodile
attack. We had to go home to our village that night on a passenger
boat.
Not long after, his employers transferred my father to Yangon City
[formerly spelt Rangoon]. At the age of 18, I was sent to a Buddhist
monastery to be a novice monk. Most parents in Myanmar try to send
their son into a Buddhist monastery, at least for a time, as it is
considered a great honor to have a son serve in this way. We have been
observing this custom for many hundreds of years.
A Zealous Disciple of Buddha
When I turned 19 years and 3 months old (in 1977), I became a normal
monk. The senior monk at my monastery gave me a new Buddhist name,
which is the custom in our country. I was now called U Nata Pannita
Ashinthuriya. When we become a monk, we no longer use the name given
to us at birth by our parents. The name of the monastery I lived at is
called Mandalay Kyaikasan Kyaing. The senior monk's name was called U
Zadila Kyar Ni Kan Sayadaw [U Zadila is his title]. He was the most
famous Buddhist monk in all of Myanmar at the time. Everyone knew who
he was. He was widely honored by the people and respected as a great
teacher. I say he "was" because in 1983 he suddenly died when he was
involved in a fatal car accident. His death shocked everyone. At the
time I had been a monk for six years.
I tried hard to be the best monk I could and to follow all the
precepts of Buddhism. At one stage I moved to a cemetery where I lived
and meditated continually. Some monks who really want to know the
truths of Buddha do things like I did. Some move deep into the forests
where they live a life of self-denial and poverty. I sought to deny my
selfish thoughts and desires, to escape from sickness and suffering
and to break free from the cycle of this world. At the cemetery, I was
not afraid of ghosts. I tried to attain such inner peace and
self-realization that even when a mosquito landed on my arm I would
let it bite me instead of brushing it off!
For years I strived to be the best monk I could and not to harm any
living being. I studied the holy Buddhist teachings just like all my
forefathers had done before me. My life proceeded as a monk until I
got very, very sick. I was in Mandalay at the time and had to be taken
to the hospital for treatment. The doctors did some tests on me and
told me I had both Yellow Fever and Malaria at the same time! After
about one month in the hospital, I was getting worse. The doctors told
me there was no chance for me to recover and discharged me to make
arrangements to die.
This is a brief description of my past. I would now like to tell you
some of the remarkable things that happened to me after this time...
A Vision that Changed My Life Forever
After I was discharged from the hospital, I went back to the monastery
where other monks cared for me. I grew weaker and weaker and was
lapsing into unconsciousness. I learned later that I actually died
for three days. My body decayed and stunk of death, and my heart
stopped beating. My body was prepared for cremation and was put
through traditional Buddhist purification rites.
Although I faded away in my body, I remember my mind and spirit were
fully alert. I was in a very, very powerful storm. A tremendous wind
flattened the whole landscape until there were no trees or anything
else standing, just a flat plain. I walked very fast along this plain
for some time. There were no other people anywhere, I was all alone.
After some time, I crossed a river. On the other side of the river, I
saw a terrible, terrible lake of fire. In Buddhism, we do not have a
concept of a place like this. At first I was confused and didn't know
it was hell until I saw Yama, the king of hell [Yama is the name
ascribed to the King of Hell in numerous cultures throughout Asia].
His face looked like the face of a lion, his body was like a lion, but
his legs were like a naga [serpent spirit]. He had a number of horns
on his head. His face was very fierce, and I was extremely afraid.
Trembling, I asked him his name. He replied, "I am the king of hell,
the Destroyer."
The Terrible, Terrible Lake of Fire
The king of hell told me to look into the lake of fire. I looked and I
saw the saffron coloured robes that Buddhist monks wear in Myanmar. I
looked closer and saw the shaven head of a man. When I looked at the
man's face I saw it was U Zadila Kyar Ni Kan Sayadaw [the famous monk
who had died in a car accident in 1983]. I asked the king of hell why
my former leader was confined to this lake of torment. I said, "Why is
he in this lake of fire? He was a very good teacher. He even had a
teaching tape called 'Are You a Man or a Dog?' which had helped
thousands of people understand that their worth as humans is far
greater than the animals." The king of hell replied, "Yes, he was a
good teacher but he did not believe in JESUS CHRIST. That's why he is
in hell."
I was told to look at another person who was in the fire. I saw a man
with very long hair wrapped on the left hand side of his head. He was
also wearing a robe. I asked the king of hell, "Who is this man?" He
replied, "This is the one you worship: Gautama [Buddha]." I was very
disturbed to see Gautama in hell. I protested, "Gautama had good
ethics and good moral character, why is he suffering in this lake of
fire?" The king of hell answered me, "It doesn't matter how good he
was. He is in this place because he did not believe in the Eternal
GOD."
I then saw another man who looked like he was wearing a soldier's
uniform. He had a large wound on his chest. I asked, "Who is this
man?" The king of hell said, "This is Aung San, the revolutionary
leader of Myanmar." I was told, "Aung San is here because he
persecuted and killed Christians, but mostly because he didn't believe
in JESUS CHRIST." In Myanmar, the people have a common saying,
"Soldiers never die, they live on." I was told that the legions of
hell have a saying "Soldiers never die, but they go to hell forever."
I looked and saw another man in the lake of fire. He was a very tall
man and he was dressed in military armour. He was also holding a sword
and a shield. This man had a wound on his forehead. This man was
taller than any person I have ever seen. He was six times the length
between a man's elbow and the tips of his fingers when he stretches
his arm out straight, plus one span of a man's fingers when he spreads
out his hand. The king of hell said, "This man's name is Goliath. He
is in hell because he blasphemed the Eternal GOD and His servant
David." I was confused because I didn't know who either Goliath or
David were. The king of hell said, "Goliath is recorded in the
Christian Bible. You don't know him now, but when you become a
Christian you will know who he is."
I was then taken to a place where I saw both rich and poor people
preparing to eat their evening meals. I asked, "Who cooked the food
for these people?" The king of hell replied, "The poor have to prepare
their own food, but the rich people get others to cook for them." When
the food had been prepared for the rich people they sat down to eat.
As soon as they started a thick smoke came up. The rich people ate as
fast as they could to ease their consciences. They were struggling to
breath because of the smoke. They had to eat fast because they were
fearful of losing their money. Their money is their god.
Another king of hell then came to me. I also saw a being whose job is
to stoke the fires beneath the lake of fire, to keep it hot. This
being asked me, "Are you going into the lake of fire too?" I replied,
"No! I am only here to observe!" The appearance of this creature
stoking the fire was very terrifying. He had ten horns on his head and
a spear in his hand that had seven sharp blades coming from the end.
The creature told me, "You are right. You came here just to observe. I
cannot find your name here." He said, "You must now go back the way
you came." He pointed me toward the desolate plain that I had first
walked along before I came to the lake of fire.
The Road of Decision
I walked a long time, until I was bleeding. I was hot and in great
pain. Finally, after walking for about three hours I came to a wide
road. I walked along this road for some time until I came to a fork.
One road, going off to the left, was wide. A smaller road went off to
the right hand side. There was a signpost at the fork saying that the
road to the left was for those who do not believe in the LORD JESUS
CHRIST. The smaller road to the right was for believers in JESUS.
I was interested to see where the larger road led so I started down
it. There were two men walking about 300 yards ahead of me. I tried to
catch up with them so I could walk with them but no matter how hard I
tried I couldn't catch them up, so I turned around and went back to
the fork in the road. I continued to watch these two men as they
walked down the road away from me. When they reached the end of the
road they were suddenly stabbed. These two men cried out in great
pain! I also cried out when I saw what happened to them! I realized
the bigger road ended in great danger for those who traveled down it.
Looking into Heaven
I started walking down the believers' road instead. After traveling
for about one hour the surface of the road turned to pure gold. It was
so pure that when I looked down I could see my own reflection
perfectly. I then saw a man standing in front of me. He was wearing a
white robe. I also heard beautiful singing. Oh, it was so beautiful
and pure! It was much better and more meaningful than the worship we
have in churches here on the earth. The man in the white robe asked me
to walk with him. I asked him, "What is your name?" but he did not
answer. After I asked his name six times the man answered, "I am the
one who holds the key to heaven. Heaven is a very, very beautiful
place. You cannot go there now but if you follow JESUS CHRIST, you can
go there after your life has finished on the earth." The man's name
was Peter.
Peter then asked me to sit down and he showed me a place to the north.
Peter said, "Look to the north and see GOD create man." I saw the
Eternal GOD from a distance. GOD spoke to an angel, "Let us make man."
The angel pleaded with GOD and said, "Please don't make man. He will
do wrong and will grieve you." [In Burmese literally: "He will make
you lose face."]. But GOD created a man named anyway. GOD blew on the
man and the man came to life. HE gave him the name "Adam". [Note:
Buddhists do not believe in the Creation of the world or of man, so
this experience had a significant impact on the monk].
Sent Back with a New Name
Then Peter said, "Now get up and go back to where you came from. Speak
to the people who worship Buddha and who worship idols. Tell them they
must go to hell if they don't change. Those who build temples and
idols will also have to go to hell. Those who give offerings to the
monks to earn merit for themselves will go to hell. All those who pray
to the monks and call them 'Pra' [respectful title for monks] will go
to hell. Those who chant and 'give life' to idols will go to hell. All
those who don't believe in JESUS CHRIST will go to hell." Peter told
me to go back to the earth and testify about the things I had seen. He
also said, "You must speak in your new name. From now on you are to be
called Athet Pyan Shinthaw Paulu ["Paul who Came Back to Life."].
I didn't want to go back. I wanted to go to heaven. Angels opened a
book. First they looked for my childhood name (Thitpin) in the book,
but they could not find it. They then looked for the name I had been
given when he entered the Buddhist monk hood (U Nata Pannita
Ashinthuriya) but it wasn't written in the book either. Then Peter
said, "Your name is not written here, you must return and testify
about JESUS to the Buddhist people."
I walked back along the gold road. Again I heard beautiful singing,
the kind of which I have never heard before or since. Peter walked
with me until the time I returned to the earth. He showed me a ladder
that reached down from the heaven to the sky. The ladder didn't reach
to the earth, but stopped in mid-air. On the ladder I saw many angels,
some going up to heaven and some going down the ladder. They were very
busy. I asked Peter, "Who are they?" Peter answered, "They are
messengers of GOD. They are reporting to heaven the names of all those
who believe in JESUS CHRIST and the names of those who don't believe."
Peter then told me it was time to go back.
It is a Ghost!
The next thing I was aware of was the sound of weeping. I heard my own
mother cry out, "My son, why did you leave us now?" I also heard many
other people weeping. I realized I was lying in a box. I started to
move. My mother and father started shouting, "He is alive! He is
alive!" Other people who were farther away did not believe my parents.
I then placed my hands on the sides of the box and sat upright. Many
people were struck with terror. They cried out, "It is a ghost!" and
ran away as fast as their legs could carry them.
Those who remained were speechless and trembling. I noticed I was
sitting in smelly liquid and body fluids, enough to fill about three
and a half cups. This was liquid that had come out of my stomach and
my insides while my body was lying in the coffin. This is why people
knew I had indeed been dead. Inside the coffin there was a type of
plastic sheet fixed to the wood. This sheet is placed there to retain
a corpse's liquids, because many dead bodies release much fluid like
mine did.
I learned later that I was just moments away from being cremated in
the flames. In Myanmar, people are placed in a coffin, the lid is then
nailed shut, and the whole coffin is burned. When I came back to life
my mother and father were being allowed to look at my body for the
very last time. Moments later the lid of my coffin would have been
nailed shut and I would have been cremated!
I immediately started to explain the things I had seen and heard.
People were astonished. I told them about the men I had seen in the
lake of fire, and told them that only the Christians know the truth,
that our forefathers and us have been deceived for thousands of years!
I told them everything we believe is a lie. The people were astonished
because they knew what kind of a monk I had been and how zealous I had
been for the teachings of Buddha.
In Myanmar, when a person dies their name and age is written on the
side of the coffin. When a monk dies, the monk's name, age and the
number of years he has served as a monk are written on the side of the
coffin. I had already been recorded as dead but as you can see, now I
am alive!
RADIO FOR THE DEAF [SPEECH TRANSCRIBER MACHINE]
GODisgreat, first and foremost! One Weekend in S5, I told my Hostelmates that in Future there might be a Radio that transcribes whatever is spoken on the Airwaves on to a horizontal Tickertape Screen or vertical Dropdown Panel. A Yearmate doing Sciences commented that I was just mad and crazy but 16 Years later, I discovered a synchronising Program (beta than Audio-editing Interfaces like Adobe Premiere 7.0 and Rubin et. al UIST2013) called VoCo that allows one to manually insert and replace the Words in an Audio Narration simply by Typing. It was mentioned in the Preview of Technical Papers for the SIGGRAPH 2017 Conference. You can actually alter what someone says in a Recording and make it sound real. Internet Radios like Jango that show pre-typed Lyrics of Songs being played already exist but my Imagination was a spontaneous Device that shows Text of what is being spoken in Real Time for instance the News Bulletin, Radio Advert, Presentation or Live Talkshow so that the Deaf or People with Hearing Impairment can get the Message just like Blind People have dynamic Braille Phones and Watches. If previously recorded Soundclips can be altered using computational Text-to-Speech Synthesis, then I guess Speech can also be displayed automatically as Text using something like a Convergence of the Google Translate Speech Machine with an inverse VoCo Program. Maybe there will be Sign Language Machine Translators too, but I strongly believe Speech can be transcribed into Text by a Machine. Even Google Pixel Phone's Assistant can do that. Thanks be to GOD for our Senses...
THE OTHER SIDE
Sleep is the Cousin of Death! One Morning before Sunrise in March 2017, I had an Out-of-Body Experience (OBE) or was it Near Death! I could vividly feel my Spirit walking upright away from my Body. The Senses were very sharp and I knew something was not normal, so I yelled out "JESUS!" and my physical Ears literally heard myself; I clearly heard myself calling out JESUS. In an instant, I was back in my Body like Lightning. I just found myself waking up with my Body facing upwards and Hands on my Bosom. How I jumped from walking upright to lying Face upwards that fast, only GOD can explain...
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| 100 Words |
In 2001, I wrote a Statement on my Literature Class Blackboard spelling "aught" the way I had seen it in an ancient Shakespeareanesque Book instead of the normal modern way [which is "ought"]. The Statement was inspired by Jet Li and Aaliyah's Movie entitled "Romeo Must Die". Some Girls from the Geography Class next Door, I later learnt because I was outside, made Fun of my English. They probably wondered what I was doing in the Lit Class with poor Spelling but it's just that my Mind was warped like an Escarpment after everything I had been through in the first Half of 2001; I really wanted to see the Devil burn: Annihilation! GOD is too merciful; why do we live this Way? One of the Babes named Emma Mugabe [GOD bless her] came to my Desk and apologised on behalf of her Classmates; it was really funny coz I was not even aware that they were laughing at my Spelling. I had written it intentionally so there were no hard Feelings, none whatsoever, but the Devil must die...
ILLUMINATI, HIGH SOCIETY OR LUGBARATI?
Why are all the flashy Things attributed to Illuminati? In the 1990s, I knew that to travel from Jinja to Arua would require a UTC Bus. There seemed not to be many Minivan Taxies on the Arua Route because of Distance and rough murram Roads that were impassable during rainy Seasons but Buses were well suited for such Challenges. In 2000 when I started travelling to Arua annually, I discovered that Coaches from KLA could transport People: namely Nile Coach, ANKK, Gateway and then later Posta, Regional, KKT, California and some Switzerland-originated Coach plus more. But the one Bus Company that really revolutionised Arua Travel is Gaagaa Coach (All White Body with a Black and White Crow in a red Ring as Logo). It even had arguably the First licensed Female Bus Driver in UG (Kenyan Alice Nyambura). They came in around the mid 2000s and set off unprecedentedly during Daytime unlike in the past when People were expected to wake up early for the 5:30AM Departure Time. Gaagaa gave out free Mineral Water and Christmas Cards (plus Biscuits), making you feel wonderful. A Friend from Pakwach once amused me when he said that "the only good Thing from Arua is Gaagaa Coach".
Along the way, Rumours circulated that Gaagaa enjoyed its Success because of Affiliation to Illuminati. In 2010, a Workmate told me some creepy Secrets about the Owner (James Nyakuni) and what one Girl discovered but I brushed it off as Stories. More Stories came in about Land-grabbing from some Orphans. People say many different Things in this World, but only GOD will judge! Something else I know is that James started off as a Mechanic, went to Nairobi to expand his Business and eventually progressed to become one of UG's Richest. As for the Bus Services, well they have not been bad. Besides, random People are always requested to invoke GOD for Mercy plus Protection with the Blood of JESUS before any Journey. Everytime there is an unfortunate Accident where People die, it is still blamed on Illuminati seeking Blood.
One Morning, two Men followed me (as I left Gaagaa Offices to make my final Preparations on Ben Kiwanuka Street for a Journey to Arua) and wished our Bus would plunge into Water. I heard them but also spoke a Counter Prayer in my Spirit. The Journey was totally without Incident until we reached Karuma where we found an unusual Traffic Jam. A Lorry travelling southwards bypassed us carrying a Car Body that had been smashed, probably in a Collision. As we got closer to the Bridge, I saw a Trailer that had skidded backwards down the right Slope. It was carrying Cement and some of the Bags had fallen into the River Nile. A Passenger on board our Bus commented that the Trailer Driver would have a lot to answer to his Boss. Personally, I felt the Cement Bags could have been us and thanked GOD for averting the Morning Curse, bringing back Deja vu of an old Incident when a Gaagaa Bus fell in the Nile at Karuma Bridge, saw Newspaper Photos and a Video.
Another Time, before travelling, I had a Dreamvision about "Kitante". When I got to the Stage near Home, Taxis delayed to depart because of few Passengers. So I got a Bodaman to take me all the way to Arua Park because Time was running out. When we reached Kitante (Uganda Museum Vicinity) in a Rush Hour Jam, the Bodaman got a Phone Call from a mysterious Line. I normally switch off my Phone while on certain Journeys so that I don't get repeated Calls about where I have reached: GOD is trustworthy! The Caller was stubbornly talking to the Bodaman in Lugbara yet he is a Munyankole, so he gave me his Phone. The Lady on the other Side asked if we had reached (Icaki bo?) and I hang up. When we reached Arua Park, she immediately called again and seeming annoyed, I told the Bodaman to just reply: Mi iza ma Dri ku (Translated from Lugbara: Do not disturb me!) which he did gleefully as I paid him five Times more than what I would have spent on a Taxi. When I boarded the Bus, someone led Prayers close to Departure Time, but the Driver was nowhere to be seen. We had to wait for one full Hour before a different Driver was allocated, the original one had suddenly fallen sick. I still wonder if the Kitante Caller had a Hand in this and what the Dream meant.
I have not yet stopped travelling in Gaagaa Coaches. In December 2013 near Hotel Equatoria, the Bus I was travelling in suddenly braked but noone was hurt. I was sitted on top of the left rear Tires and whenever the Bus oversped, some loud young Ladies on the right kept bringing up the Issue of the Driver almost knocking a Bodaman. Guess that explained the earlier sudden Stop. From all my Travels in the Arua Route, I know that Drivers accelerate on some free Stretches; I have no Problem with that as long as noone gets injured. In fact, somewhere between Lira and Soroti, there is a Forest Road where the Speed Limit is 100 kph, not 30, 50 nor 80 but 100. I have not seen any such Limits on the Arua Route but I would understand though the seemingly uninhabited Game Park Areas are dangerous, knocking an Elephant can be deadly. Hours into the Journey, one of the two Tires below me suddenly burst like a Bomb and some People started panicking that it might be a Terrorist Attack. I could smell the Tire through the Window so I stayed calm until the Driver stopped in some trading Centre where there is a Statue of a grey Rhino showing Tourists a Point of Interest when you cut outroad. Since the Sun was too hot, we were told to move ahead to an Area where a big Tree could shade the Bus as the Tire was replaced. Luckily, I found a small Building on whose Verandah I could sit and chat with a Stranger also travelling to Arua. Some People were having a Meeting in one of the Rooms. I sat on the Northern Edge and as if by divine Direction turned my Head to see a Green Mamba-like Snake near a Tree Stump on my left Side. With Head raised, it stopped, looked at me and turned back to hide in the dry Leaves on the Ground. When I told a young Man collecting Hay behind the Building, he took his Time but finally told his Father who referred to the Snake by Name. It sounded really weird that he knew the Snake personally: the tall brownish Man who had finished his Meeting asked for a Matchbox to burn the Leaves as we left to board the Bus. The Driver was sitted contemplatively on the Road behind the Bus and told the three decent probably middle-aged Women standing around him that we would reach Arua by Midnight. He seemed to know his Bus more than anyone and I believed him. It was only late Afternoon and having left KLA at 1PM, you would expect us to have reached Arua by 8PM under normal Circumstances. I'm not the complaining Type and that Moment alone was so refreshing, I kept quiet about it as I got back to the noisy young Females (in Trousers and Hair Extensions) dissing him. Later on, some peaceful older Ladies actually wanted the jerky young ones to tone down their Disrespect. If they could not sit silently and let the Driver do his Thing, then they should have been given the Steering Wheel. I just minded my own Business glad that there were other People on board who thought like me. After some Convenience Stopover, an Indian was left behind and as he ran to catch the Bus, he accidentally slid down and hit his Head on a concrete Block. Blood dripped, even some fell at the Back of the Headrest ahead of me as he walked in to his behind Seat. I cleaned the Blood with Toilet Tissue I always move with on long Journeys and threw it in a Kaveera provided by the Conductor. Some Woman behind wanted the Driver to stop so that the Indian gets immediate medical Treatment. He obliged (as the Indian was accompanied by someone from the Bus) but the young Ladies on my right kept blaming the Driver for a bad Journey. It was not all that gloomy, I just felt the Complainers carried their own negative Energy to the Bus. You don't solve Problems by complaining, try praying silently! Things happen, Life aint perfect! Sometimes, you have to learn how to keep your Mouth shut and mind your own Business. The Driver maintained his Speed without any Problems until the Bus broke down again in a Bush Area between Pakwach and Nebbi. It was already dark and cold after Dusk. We all walked out as some Electronics on the right inner Side of the Bus were repaired in Torchlight. Feeling cool in the open Star-lit West Nile Country that had just hosted the 7th Hybrid (Total Solar) Eclipse since JESUS was born, I switched on my Phone and called Home and told them me and my Youngest Sister would reach Arua by Midnight (basing on the Driver's prophetic Vibe with the respectful Ladies). I did not view the Total Eclipse, not even live on TV because Power had gone off but saw the Partial One in KLA City briefly through a black Kaveera [Polythene Bag]. Part of the Moon was covering the right Top of the Sun. It produced a golden Light Effect I had never seen in my entire Life, felt like Heaven was coming down. I have seen beautiful gray, red, orange and yellow Sunsets but this was something totally different: goldlight hundreds of kilometres southwest of Owiny Primary School. The Driver phoned someone asking for a Mechanic from Nebbi. An old Man kept talking about how he believes Gaagaa is Illuminati. He even revealed that GOD showed him a Dreamvision that Morning how our Journey would transpire. He asked me if I knew about Illuminati and I responded positively. My Answer literally endeared me to him and he kept telling me more. When a KKT Bus stopped to pick any interested Passengers, he did not hesitate to board while the rest of us waited like Die Hards. With another Guy I had never met, we walked some distance ahead and then returned. My only Worry on the darkened Road was seeing a Lion jump onto us but since this was not a Game Park, maybe it wouldn't happen. Thieves, Rebels and Accidents did not even worry me. Some Travellers called their Father from Arua and he drove all the way in a Saloon Car to pick them before the Repair was finished. It takes one Hour from Arua to Nebbi Roundabout, so it must have taken more than one but less than two Hours for him to reach. By GOD's Grace, we finally set off in the original Bus (the replacement Bus sent from Arua was told to return) and reached Arua Minutes before Midnight, some Rain fell. #GODanswers!
A Group of Friends, drunk, went to pick up a Friend. The Mother accompanied her to the Car and was so worried about the Drunkenness of her Friends and she said to the Daughter holding her Hand, who was already seated in the Car, "My Daughter, go with GOD, and may HE protect you!" She responded: "Only if HE (GOD) travels in the Trunk, coz inside here, it's already full." Hours later, News came that they had been involved in a fatal Accident, everyone had died. The Car could not be recognised, what Type of Car it had been, but surprisingly the Trunk was intact. The Police said, there was no Way the Trunk could have remained intact. To their Surprise, inside the Trunk was a Crate of Eggs, none was broken...
[I once saw a Vision of about a half Dozen Human-like Devils gathered around a Crash Site in the Middle of a Road. They were dressed uniformly like Mechanics and had black Bat-like Masks on. However, only the Main Guy had his Nose and Mouthparts exposed like Batman and in his right Hand was a big long Gun for sucking Blood from under the flattened Wreckage. The Police (though armed with Rifles) watched from behind a displaced Trailer Container and Eucalyptus Forest opposite because they were afraid of them...]
Friday 4th February 2005: While waiting for the Miracle Centre Double Decker Bus on the darkened Southern Verandah of the Mukono Information Office at around 8 PM, suddenly four Policemen appeared from the South-eastern Corner. Three were wielding Rifles. They came straight to me and asked me what I was doing there; I told them I was waiting for a Bus to take me for an Overnight in Kampala. Unfortunately, they forced me to take off my Jumper and Shirt. Then holding the Helm of my Trousers, two of them carried me westwards to the Kauga County Jail lifting my Feet off the Ground for some Seconds. The brownest Policeman who wasn't armed accused me of four Crimes: Resisting Arrest, Drunkardness (though I had only drunk two Stoney Tangawizi Sodas), Trespassing on Government Property and being the First Suspect for a Robbery of 10 Computers stolen the previous Monday from the same Information Office. The Officer on Duty at the Police Post, after reading my Campus ID Card (where I had added that I was a Sophomore and Artist), told the others to let me go in vain. The Brown Cop told him that I should be an Example for the Rest of the Uganda Christian University Campusers because they always abused Police (Straight Outta Mukono). I had no Plans of immediately telling this Incarceration Story to my Fellows but somehow I felt how Rubin "The Hurricane" Carter felt: not guilty but humiliated and helpless. This Brown Cop possessed almost the same shiny reddish Skin Colour as the Devil (Satan walks barefoot in a white Tee and red Pants) I was warned about a Couple of Years later on Buganda Road by a mysterious Voice in my right Ear near Boston Restaurant Parking Yard opposite KLA Central Police Station as I walked towards Daisy's Arcade (now demolished). He was present the following Morning before 9 AM and ordered me to squat in the Reception Office while the OC reviewed my Case before setting me free. When I left that Post, I did not look behind (remembering Lot and his two Daughters) but went straight to Jinja Road and boarded a Taxi to KLA City. I returned to Mukono on Sunday Evening and went to play some Basketball with a good Friend named Sharpe to let off Steam. He told me I disappeared from the Hostel mysteriously during the Weekend and I laughed heartily.
Before being locked up, I was told to remove my Belt to prevent Suicide Attempts, though I had no Intention of killing myself. In my Pocket wasn't much Money but when they asked me to remove the Money in my Pocket, I lied that I was broke. While behind Bars, the considerate Officer who had pleaded for me said I should at least put on a Shirt and handed it to me because it would get very "cold" later on in the Night. I met two calm Jailbirds in the Cell: A fairly macho Bodaman had been brought in that very Morning for fighting with a fellow Bodaman and sat on my right at the South End. The Person who reported him to Police was interestingly a Woman whose Advances he had rejected. He said he can never love her. In fact, at Sunrise the next Morning she came to check on him and told the beautiful Police Lady on Duty (who did the Roll-call) that the Bodaman should remain inside until he learns. She would decide when he comes out. I just shook my Head in Disbelief; I was on the Man's Side. The Woman looked like a real Sugarmummy, big but not amorphous (nor shapeless). Love, Sex and Money look straightforward but can become very dangerous Things when badly handled. The other Dude meanwhile had been in Jail since Monday for Defilement and his Hearing at Mukono Court, just behind the Post, was due the following Tuesday. He had a Mineral Water Bottle on his Side (courtesy of a Well-wisher) and slept on a Mat at the North End. The Urine Bucket was on the East End. He confessed that the 14 Year old Girl who accused him of Defilement asked him for Sex, but later denied Consent. The Cell, about three Metres on all Sides, was dark like Hell after Midnight. You couldn't tell what the Floor looked like or if there were biting Spiders, Cockroaches, Rats, Worms, Redants plus a Snake within. The Ventilation wasn't bad since the Bars on the Door started from around Waist Height upwards and am glad it did not smell plus neither did my Skin itch inside. Humans really need to control their Sexual Appetites and avoid Lust (Fantasy), Fornication, Adultery, Abortion, Contraceptives (Condoms, Pills, IUDs, etc), Astral Sex, Pornography, Masturbation, Rape, taking Advantage of little Children or Defilement, Prostitution, Bestiality (Sex with Animals), Homosexuality plus the Ways of Sodom and Gomorrah. May the HOLY GOD help us! Contraceptives like Condoms, Birth Control Pills and Injectibles though comprehensively block Transmissions can still increase Promiscuity and STDs when misused. Dr. Edward C. Green (PhD), the former Director of the AIDS Prevention Research Project said: "When Condoms become more available, instead of Infection Rates going down, they actually rise..." What the United Nations and many NGOs promote is labelled "Safe Sex" but it is still very dangerous when it encourages Fornication and multiple Partners. The best thing to do in the Fight is to Abstain, Be faithful (to your Marriage Partner of the opposite Sex), Christ, Drugs when infected with an STD, Early Testing, Fruits or GOD [ABCDEFG].
[As for me, though I never disclosed it to my Cellmates, I was actually found on the Verandah trying to figure out how to get back to the Woman I wanted to marry. We had just grown apart that Day. The previous Evening - Thursday, I was at her Place feeling feverishly possessed. She gave me her white Phone to set something almost like I had seen in a Vision though saw a Laptop but was putting on a Shirt I had pre-visualised. I used to ask her to give me a Photo of hers so that I could draw her Portrait, but she told me that she didn't like taking Photos. When I found unbelievably so many Paper Photos of hers in her Room, I told her that I would take only one. Having been to Miracle Centre the previous Friday, I felt that the Photo Discovery was a Blessing. She told me that the Photo I picked actually had a second Copy which was with her Mother. So, while she looked away, I slid it into my Classwork Book, but was seen by her Roommate's Visitor on the next Bed. She must be the one who gave me away. If Love is War, then that Night was my Waterloo: I lost like the great Napoleon Bonaparte. The next Day in Class, my Heartthrob sent me a Note warning me that if I did not return her Photo by 4 PM that Day, I would have no more Contact with her. Trust me, I took back the Photo before 4 PM without even making a Photocopy nor snapping it with my Camera, but roamed around trying to figure out my next Move. A few Days after the Arrest seeking a final Decision having fallen for her on Saturday 22nd November 2003, I checked on my Heartthrob (whom I used to visit happily almost every Week trying to be her Twin) with a T-Shirt she wanted designed for her. What she said to me that Night made me wish I could meet Cupid and ask him why he shot me with his Arrow. In Matthew 5:28, JESUS the Messiah warns, "Everyone who looks at a Woman lustfully has already committed Adultery with her in his Heart..." I had to pluck out Cupid's Arrow from my Soul and throw it in a deep Pit, lost for good. I made up my Mind never to bother the Babe again because I felt like I had been stalking her all along with my Interest. I wasn't even the only one after her, so she had to break some Hearts though only one Wall of my Heart got wrecked; two were already down and only one Wall was left after her. She was not yet hitched but another Man's Future Wife is technically another Man's Wife so I had no Right to covet. If wanting her was a Misdemeanour (Crime), then LORD have Mercy! Maybe even Engels cried whenever I thought about her because of the sudden Drizzles in bright Sunshine. It's true: "All Things fall apart..." but I remained her sideline Friend and fortunately, I also found another Woman to appreciate before graduating in 2006.]
I told my Cellmates that I got arrested and accused of four Crimes because I was waiting for the Bus to Miracle Centre sitted in the wrong Place at the wrong Time. Truth is, we were all in Jail because of Women though in my Case, the Woman probably accused me in Spirit for hurting her even if unintentionally coz I planned to take back her Photo plus a handdrawn Portrait as a Surprise. The 8th Commandment says: "Do not steal" but I believed I did not steal because I told her about it though she didn't say I can take a Photo. I just thought stupidly that I could buy Time like some Hours of drawing before she found out. Both Men assured me that the OC would let me go during his daily Morning Checkup. Some other Campuser was also arrested after me and brought to the Post, but pleaded until he was let go. The Policemen even assured him that one of his Fellows was already inside, that's me. I envied his Good Luck, but consoled myself by changing my State of Mind. I told myself that being locked in was like hiding from the World in your Room at Night or during the Weekend. If you literally lock yourself out from the World, then just think the same. Take it easy! Happiness is simply a State of Mind! This reduced the Humiliation of being locked behind Bars. The same applies to Rebukes, Insults or verbal Abuse, just take it as a Jabberwocky (nonsensical Poetry) or some foreign Language you don't understand. Throughout the Night, I squatted near the Door (which was on the West End and near the South Wall) just getting up regularly to stretch and ease the Cramps in my Legs; I did not sleep but conversed with my two new Friends as distant Voices sang Christian Songs throughout the Night, probably Overnights in Mukono. Even my Prayers to be freed that Night did not help, so I took the Lock Up as a Lesson in Disguise until Birds started singing and the Vents showed Sunlight: Suffer patiently! No matter how dark the Night, the Sun will rise again...
GOD REPLIES
In 2007, I almost got thrown in a Dungeon again (probably a Generator Room) like the Police Jail Incident two Years before, but this Time by a Watchman at the Shell Petrol Station on Ben Kiwanuka Street (KLA City) and late at Night. Holding a Bayonet-wielding Rifle and clad in all Green, he threatened to kill me or refer me in the Morning to his Overall Boss who was a harsher Ruffian than himself as he confessed. But since this Guy was already unkind to me, I knew my only Saviour from that Dilemma would be GOD. Having waited for a good old Friend of mine (while keeping Tabs on Phone) for too long from 7 to 11 PM at Makerere University Africa Hall (checking on her new Baby Girl like she asked me to) after Work at MTAC Nakawa, I decided to go to the Old Taxi Park and board a Taxi that goes straight to Kyebando Kisalosalo. I didn't find any, so I walked to the left Side of Ben Kiwanuka Street to get one that could take me to Kamwokya. I would connect from there, something I could have done from Wandegeya but skipped to avoid possible Delays and got myself in Trouble. Parked near Shell after Midnight was a German-made Van (like the ones Gang Criminals used for their Escapades in the Inspector Derrick Series) that I thought would be a perfect Visualisation for the ominous-looking Car I was planning to draw for a MacMillan Illustration Competition. I pulled out a Paper instead of searching for the Model via Google. Then while sketching behind a Fuso Truck loaded with Goods destined for Zambia, the Shell Watchman called me and I crossed the Road. He asked me what I was doing behind the Truck and I told him I was just drawing. He accused me of planning to steal and started slapping me. I was guarding his hard Slaps hence the resultant Cuts on my left Elbow and Neck. Whenever I watched the English Premier League and Players collided while trying to head the Ball, there would be Blood oozing from some White Players needing Stitches. I wondered why their Skins were so light. But after the hot Slaps, I understood their Collision Cuts. I did not bleed but I saw real Cuts as if someone had used a Razor Blade on my Skin. The Man forced me to sit on the Concrete Platform for one of the Pumps in a darker Corner, empty my Pockets and take off my Shoes plus traditional Ghanaian Shirt (a Gift from my Sister's Boss). I had my Uncle's Work Flash Disk in my Pocket and didn't want to lose it. I told the Guy whose English had some Loopholes that I wasn't a "Criminal" but he didn't buy it. Pump Attendants came around to find out what was going on. I thought they were going to lynch me too or set me on Fire, afterall Oil was in plenty and I was barechested but they just inquired kindly. I explained to them my Situation in very clear articulate English (hiih) but the Watchman was very adamant that even City Thugs dress smartly especially from Arua Park. I had mentioned that I passed there before sloping to the Old Taxi Park. It's true that Evil lurks in the City: there are deceptive Conmen (locally called Bafere), brave Thieves, greedy Extortionists, vulgar Prostitutes (Malaya), Witchdoctors freely carrying Blood in see-through Kaveeras, Older Boys defiling younger Girls but I wasn't planning to steal anything. Angry with the Watchman's Mercilessness, I bowed my Head and whispered a Final Dua I had learnt from Muslim Writings: "GOD, help me! GOD, help me! GOD, help me!" Suddenly round the Corner, a smartly dressed Watchman in All-Blue and also wielding a Rifle (probably from a different Enterprise) came around as if sent from behind the Block and calmly asked for my ID Card which had already been confiscated by the cruel Man. Picking it from his Comrade in Arms, he walked back into the Light to read. Then he returned and spoke, "Let him go!" plus handed me back the Reed Business Information (RBI) Card my Uncle had paid for me as his Employee. It felt like I heard an Engel speak and GOD had literally answered me in two Minutes. Putting on my Shirt and Shoes, I walked away unwhipped though the Bad Watchman kept insulting but I just ignored. The Pain was much but I refused to cry. Since the Route through Kamwokya is dangerous sometimes and Bukoto was too far, I spent the whole Night walking round Public Service, Steak Out plus Lumumba Avenue, crashing an Overnight Party, sleeping briefly in the Cold outside YMCA and at a Restaurant I visited twice on Bombo Road (Blew 10,000 UgX on Feeding there, Supper after Midnight). I wished I knew my Cousin's Hostel around MUK. My last Stop was Printers Arcade on Nasser Road at Sunrise to talk to some Chief before heading Home to just rest, grateful that GOD freed me from Incarceration...
KAMWOKYA
One Morning, an American Songwriter invited me to the Hotel he was staying in on Acacia Avenue around Kololo. I do not normally eat nor hang out in multiple-Star Hotels except if there is a free Conference but I still went to see him; at least sitting in the Waiting Area is free; at Sheraton you could even get free Peanuts. I went to this new Hotel on Foot via Kololo Airstrip but felt a bit awkward walking through the heavily guarded Gate that does not even allow in Bodabodas, only Cars. In fact, the Bodabodas were all outside a few Metres away up the Slope. After meeting him plus his Japanese Wife and being briefed about the Artwork they wanted from me, I walked back out without paying for anything and got slurred by the Boda Guys when I walked in the opposite Direction towards Kamwokya via Windsor Crescent instead of hiring one of them to transport me. They said, "How can you come to a big Hotel yet we saw you in the Kamwokya Slums?" They probably wanted to provoke me into proving that I had Money but I ignored their verbal Kosidiosis like a Cool Ugandan would and continued walking to Kyebando through Kamwokya with my Backpack in order to draft some Ideas. Silence is golden! I wouldn't waste my Time on confronting them because afterall on some Occasions, I do need Bodabodas. I just wanted to walk back Home as Exercise but does where someone stays or comes from determine where he can go? Is Kamwokya really a Byword for Low Class, Bad Luck or poor Housing? Why should I be ashamed of being associated with Kamwokya even if I only pass there? A Campus Friend who had just returned from Italy once found me in Kamwokya and said that he did not expect to find me in a Place like that. I'm not too good nor too graduated not to pass through Kamwokya, Kikoni or Bwaise Slums; I have passed there several Times. My Manager once apologised for driving me through Kisenyi Slum while shopping for Art Materials as if I had never walked there before. My Eyes have recognised Kamwokya starting around 1993. I got to know of the Slums a little later but the rest of Kamwokya is not as poor as some might paint it. In fact, Roads have been tarmacked and Improvements made since the previous Millenium. Lots of Media Houses; Businesses; Restaurants, Offices and IT Firms operate near Kamwokya so it has Life. I grew up shopping Clothes from the massive Friday Sales at the Kamwokya Market (a walkable Distance from Home) instead of travelling by Taxi to Owino. Girls travel from their posh Kololo or Muyenga Suburbs to see their Boyfriends in Kamwokya. It's not always about the Place, it's individual People that matter. Kampala si Bizimbe [Translated from Luganda: Kampala is not Buildings]! I watched my very first Emirates Stadium [Ashburton Grove] Game in Kamwokya, that is the Dennis Bergkamp Testimonial between Arsenal v Ajax on Sunday 22nd July 2006 though watched the First Premiership Game at the Emirates (Arsenal 1, Aston Villa 1) in Nakulabye Suburb. However, I have so many Gooner Memories from Green Valley and Kamwokya including the 2007 Carling Cup Final Loss. There are Clinics and Drugstores in Kamwokya that helped me heal several Times, so I rate Kamwokya highly. I got Haircuts from Kamwokya too besides shopping for Chicken and Beef. Funny how some Guys despise People when they say they are from Kamwokya! Like Honourable Bobi Wine (The Badman from Kamwokya) might tell them say: Happyness is just a State of Mind, it's not where you stay! Aba va eKamwokya, bebalya ebyokya [Translated from Luganda: Those who come from Kamwokya, are the Ones who eat hot Stuff]!
HYPOCRISY WAS THE CASE THAT THEY GAVE ME
When I joined St. Mary's College Kisubi (SMACK) on Monday 3rd March 1997, I was not very knowledgeable about what actually takes place inside a Catholic Church. I used to see one (St. Fatima) on Nile Avenue adjacent to my Primary 3 Class at Victoria Nile School in Jinja but never really prayed in any. However, since I loved music, I enthusiastically joined the School Chapel's Cherubim Choir (plus The Wildlife Club and German Club) along with other Bunsen Burners (nickname for Senior 1s). The choirmaster (an HSC - Higher School Certificate or A' Level student) even taught us about music voices plus how to read and write any music using solfa notations - the Best Music Topic for me then because it enabled me to read the ancient Hymn Books that my Parents had at Home and play the Music on my Mini-Piano during Holidays. I was placed in alto (third) voice, after tenor but before bass in the four voice choir. Soprano (which has high pitches) was reserved for the really talented boys like Senfuma (a Mariah Carey fan) and Karuhanga (a good Catholic who later introduced me to the Opus Dei at Bugala Centre on Nakasero Hill Road in 2006). Zziwa really understood music and Nicholas was the Piano Genius. I went to SMACK because I wanted to join the Best School in UG (UNEB Grades did not lie) plus meet my old Jinja Friends especially Dennis, but only met Robin, Timothy and Henry. I had imagined that Anglicans would be allowed to worship in their own Church like during my Primary 7 but when I got there, everyone was supposed to pray in the Catholic Chapel as a rule. It's amazing that I fell sick in S.1 whenever the Choir went outside the School to perform, so I missed most gigs but was usually upstairs during Mass when I still had a right to sit up there as a member.
Having had absolutely no background in the Catholic Church, I wondered why statues of Mary and JESUS were bowed down to or venerated plus why they couldn't be removed. Juliana, the Christian Religious Education (CRE) teacher taught us to always genuflect when we entered the chapel; I had to make sure that I only bowed facing the altar not the statues. Demons work through idols. I liked the comprehensive blue Jerusalem Bibles left on the chapel pews but did not like praying to dead saints; they were already gone and buried. So why were we asking them to pray for us? How did the Church know that they went to heaven and not hell? Even Purgatory was debatable because I had never seen it in the Scriptures except maybe alternative Catholic Bibles. Praying to dead people is like necromancy or the work of mediums. Hailing Mary like she was a goddess to be worshipped also jostled my spirit a bit since in the Anglican Church which I was born and raised in, there was absolutely nothing like praying to the Mother of JESUS nor angels. Even the Quran says that Mary never told anyone to pray to her. People who have visited Heaven in Near Death Experiences plus visions report that she does not follow whatever takes place on Earth. However, it doesn't erase the fact that she is arguably the Greatest Woman who ever walked the Earth: a Queen Mother but not the Queen of Heaven goddess. Only JESUS saves. It is at SMACK that I understood why the Church Reformation of Martin Luther and John Wesley took place, LORD have mercy! At the end of third term, I quit the choir and even became "saved" as it is said in Uganda on Tuesday 2nd December 1997 while watching Carman sing "Serve The LORD" (from his 1993 Absolute Best Album) on the new six-month old Lighthouse TV broadcasting from Naguru Hill in KLA City. (#JESUSredeems...)
One of my Best Friends, a short but very sharp brainiac named Joseph who got slapped very hard one night by the choirmaster, actually quit the choir before me yet he was a staunch Catholic. In early 1998, whenever the choirmaster told me to return to the choir, I kindly replied that my decision to quit was final. When I quit, it was partly in support of Joseph because that cruel slap which happened right infront of me had been unnecessary while he dozed off during midnight practice after Night Prep (which ends at 10 PM). We used to discuss Religion and in Senior 4 - our Last Class together because I was sold to Macos, he told me when the lights had gone out that Catholics pray to Mary because it is easier even in earthly families to approach your mother than father. After campus, I used to see his name on a list at Kampala Pentecostal Church (now Watoto Church); maybe he converted! I met Joseph again in the late 2000s but never asked him about his religious affiliation. As for me, I converted to Islam on 1st October 2002 behind Makerere University's Ivory Tower though I still go to church. (#GODisthegreatest...)
In my heart, I was trying to be a new person at SMACK - regenerate to Holiness or let me say HOLYNESS because I did not understand why Pride, Hatred and Anger were still a part of me and yet I claimed to be a Christian. I wanted to be peaceful around everyone (no hating) and also acceptable in GOD's Eyes. Being a choir member wouldn't save me, I really needed JESUS! So I made up my mind after reading the entire New Testament (something I had never done before) during the 1997 third term holidays to talk less and listen more. I literally became a cabbage because I was trying to hear GOD's still voice and avoid trouble on earth plus hell where I was heading. I also started a project to read the entire Old Testament which I finished in 1999 when I also began recording my dreamvisions. In 1996, I used to read mainly Proverbs for inspiration from King Solomon because I had been appointed Headboy by teachers (third in elections). But before that, I was quite ignorant about a larger Portion of the Bible even though I read Jehovah's Witnesses magazines plus Jesus, David and Moses Comics.
Schoolmates warned that staying quiet might make my mouth stink. Others warned that I might start a Cult like Joseph Kibwetere who burnt thousands of his Church members in Kanungu (Western Uganda) around March 2000 after his Doom's Day Prophesy (for the End to come after 1999) didn't come true, but I know am not like that. Despite my persistence in quietness, I still performed fairly well in my academics. Some commented that I was holy and the Only One who would make it to heaven, but they did not know that I was just trying to be holy. I guess I acted really well. Others said that one day I might just snap and kill somebody. Those were the guys I agreed with because I knew I was fighting something in my spirit. I tried to hide it, putting up a cool disposition but deeeep down in my heart, I knew the spiritual war I was still fighting. In my mother tongue (Lugbara), when someone says: "Ma ale ve", it literally translates: "My stomach burnt" but idiomatically means: "I got angry". I wanted to extinguish that irritability forever because it felt like the fire of hell was always burning inside my belly. Retaining hatred, frustration or anger is like trying to cut H2O with a sharp double-edged sword. Just let it go, bitterness actually causes Cancer plus maybe Angina (Heart Disease)! Guess that explained my constant Chest Pains despite good X-Ray Reports. If you don't forgive, then GOD doesn't answer your Prayers! Disappointment, Frustration, Wrath, Revenge, Malice and Evil-speaking have to be checked. Create in me a clean Heart Oh LORD, and renew THY Spirit within me!
During weekends, I would pray alone behind the Agriculture Lab or infront of the O' Level Physics Lab entrance door. When I told a born again brother in 2000 how I sometimes smelt the presence of a goat whenever I prayed, he told the other believers and they fasted plus prayed. GOD showed one of them (Raymond) in a vision that I had an ancestral dragon of "Pretended Holiness" pushing me. However, JESUS came around and it flew away. Then JESUS hugged me, how nice! Some nights later, the Bornagains laid hands on me and cast out the evil entity. I felt the dragon during the deliverance night, it stopped me from speaking nor singing during that Friday fellowship. I have no clue when it entered though the first time I heard that I was a hypocrite was way back in Primary 5. I took it lightly because my accuser was someone I diligently obeyed. She was our English teacher and one morning after our toilet break, she told me to stand up and read what was written on the blackboard so that probably the unfortunate tearhole on my pair of grey school shorts could cause some comedy in the class for those watching behind me (we used to sit on black metallic chairs that would tear our clothes). In the evenings after school, I would help her along with two other boys she picked (including my Best Friend Dennis, a Catholic) to arrange the books in the library where she also served. I was not a problem to her. But one day while practicing for the annual school presentations, I stubbornly refused to join the practice line as directed by one of my classmates. When he reported me to her in the library, she said I was well behaved in class but a "hypocrite outside class". I know I was not born holy, am a sinner just like every other human but I have to repent all my sins and make sure I don't misbehave. I must not let my demons drag me to hell, even if I fall...
GOD'S CLOCK IS IMPECCABLE
I do not fancy wearing Watches but in 1999 when my Class Monitor Isaac Ssemakadde (Zagallo) was told to pick a Timekeeper from his Classmates, he called me to the left (Eastern) Front Door of S3A and asked me if I could be The Timekeeper. I agreed immediately despite being known for being a Cabbage; I rarely spoke because I was trying to find GOD but my Classmates still gave me my Space. Me and Paulson Tumutegyereize in S3C (the Best Pupil during our PLE 1996) became SMACK's Last Timekeepers in the 20th Century and Millenium. I did not even have my own Watch, so I borrowed one from a generous Sudanese Classmate named Abraham Mach. Unfortunately I spoilt his Watch but he forgave me. My father then gave me his wonderful silver Seiko Watch during Visitation Day; I used to see it in the early 90s while in Jinja. It showed the Day of the Week (three Letters) plus Day of the Month and had a very longlasting Battery. However because of my Mishandling and frequent Winding of the fine Quartz Masterpiece, I had to replace it in 3rd Term with a lower-rate Gold-coated, brown-banded Watch. Paulson also gave me one briefly. I would synchronise my Time with his so that there would be no Confusion during the five Minute Intervals for changing Lessons: I would ring first, he rings second or vice versa. During our Tenure, an OB donated a Wonder Siren that made Sound through an internal Fan Mechanism but later turned soundless after repeated Use and we had to hit the Car Wheel Gongs until the Siren was replaced with the old more reliable electric Bell; the Biggest Problem was that Metal Bars for the two Gongs at SMACK (one infront of the Chemistry Lab, the other in the residential Quadrangle) would be stolen by anonymous Students. During the Prefects Farewell Evening Party, I was technically at the Bottom of the List but declined to attend because I did not feel like a Prefect, I just rang the Bell. Other than that, we had a fairly smooth Time and were congratulated approvingly by the Headmaster Brother Edward Bukenya during Morning Assembly when we finally handed over. As a second-last Sibling, I disliked the front Row but loved sitting at the Back; if not near the rear Wall then second-last Row. In my Class, the first two Columns from the left were together and separated by a Gap from the third Column which joined with the fourth, fifth and sixth, then a Gap and finally the seventh and eighth together. I sat in the fifth Column with Kenneth Kerere (Brother to former Miss Uganda, Sheba Kerere) on my left and John Mukwonga (Son of an MP) on my right. Movement was not a big Problem because all the Bells I had to ring required that I pass through the right (Western) Front Door without inconveniencing the Teacher. It's just that I missed some Dictations but proudly never asked for Repeats or Explanations. One Thing I did ask though was for GOD to wake me up at the right Time so that I would do my Year-long Service properly and HE would wake me up at exactly 2am. Checking my Watch, I would see the Minute Hand pointing straight up and Hour Hand at 2am; it was so unreal but allowed me to wake up some Dormmates who wanted to revise during Winter (very cold, optional Period after Night Prep between 10pm to 5am). I did not even have an Alarm Clock but when I slept again, GOD would wake me up again at exactly 5am to prepare myself and ring the first three 5:30 to 6am Bells with Paulson. If HE can put a Compass in the Brains of Birds, why can't HE put a Clock in our sleeping Heads? I once observed that Cocks crow in Intervals of about an Hour, sometimes very close to the Top of the Clock, wow! They use a circadian Rhythm triggered by Sunlight to crow repeatedly at specific Intervals of Time. Even if you cannot use Shadows created by the Sun to tell Time, you can still use the Sound of Cock Crows to approximate the Time.
FILTHY LANGUAGE
When I became saved [born again], a Classmate in Senior 2 at SMACK named Mukasa whose Parents had disappeared to London said that I got saved from Vulgarity; it was part of my Tongue in Senior 1 and I realised that it was creating new Enemies for me after jumping a different Batch in Primary 7. I needed to tame my Tongue, stop using the Word "fuck" as a Part of Speech and live in Peace with everybody! There was no Need for Aggression, Irritability, Pride, Envy, Anger or Hate coz they build up negative Energy which feeds Cancer, Angina (Heart Disease), Chest Pain, Eye Defects and other Diseases!
YOU JUST HAVE TO READ HARDER [No Shortcuts]
During Primary School, the first Time I ever topped my Class was in P1 Third Term and I did it with two other Boys: Dennis my best Friend and Anthony from the Garden Tea Family. Maybe in Reality, I was 3rd again like in the previous Term. In P4, I imagined that the three of us together with Silvester, another Brainiac who lived across the River Nile in Njeru would grow up to form an all Boys Quartet like Boys II Men. Unfortunately while these Boys rose in Academics, I painfully deteriorated but still associated with them. P5 was my Worst Performed Class before Secondary School [where I never topped overall even once until UCU maybe because my spiritual Problems were troubling] but I enjoyed the Friendships I was making. One of the Biggest Reasons I missed Jinja Town after leaving abruptly in 1995 at the very End of P6 First Term was Friends [sweet like raw Mangoes in Honey or fun like Water Sprays]. I never topped my Class again after P1 until I left Victoria Nile School; it happened only two Terms later in my new School, that is P6 Third Term. On my Report Card, I scored 90s in English, Science and SST but an odd 62 in Mathematics. "Why did that happen?" I asked myself after getting enough Time to concentrate unlike Dayschool in Jinja where I preferred Leisure to Books. When I got Home from Boarding School around Midday, I took off my Shoes, picked a PLE Mathematics Textbook from the Bookshelf immediately and cut Numbers like a Zombie in a white Shirt, blue Shorts, black Socks Kalinabiri Primary School Uniform until early Evening; I was completely determined to improve my Calculation Skills. When I went back for P7, I was passing Math Tests like a Genius. Even the Mathematics Teacher [our East Stream Class Teacher Mr Mukasa, famous for the Bottle] once called me to the front for a Hug on Sabbath Morning after being the only Person with 10 out of 10 in his Test. The rest received Canes. Reading harder than ever was my Decision and maybe that's why the Teachers nominated me for Headboy; I had absolutely no Ambition - zilch Dreams of becoming a Prefect even while serving as appointed Class Monitor since P6...
JULY 11TH
Where were you when the Al Shabab Bombs exploded at Kyadondo in KLA City on the Night of Sunday 11th July 2010? I was in Arua at the wonderful, brightly-lit Golden Courts Hotel watching the World Cup Final with my Dad for the first Time since 1984. At two Years of Age, I do not remember watching Maradona - maybe I was asleep. Neither did I see the Germans conquer in Italy four Years later though saw the Calendar of Football Stars including Gerd Muller and Roger Milla at a Neighbour's Place but watched Romario's Brazil lift USA '94 alone after Midnight in Jinja, the First in my Memory. I saw France keep the World Cup as Hosts while at SMACK and the Japan-South Korea 2002 Final was witnessed in the Dining Hall at Macos [KLA City]. I watched Zidane headbutt Materazzi at Lugogo Cricket Indoor Stadium in 2006: I bet I would have been in the Bloodbath at Kyadondo Rugby Grounds on the other Side of Jinja Road four Years later if it wasn't for a Call-up to Arua Town in 2009 and then Electoral Commission Registration [Update] Work just before Africa's First World Cup kicked off [in June 2010]. When I came back to Arua from Tara Subcounty (Maracha) some Days into the Tournament, I saw a few Games. Convinced that Paul, the German Octopus was truly prophetic after chosing the right Winner before every Kickoff of Germany Games, I was confident Cesc Fabregas and the Tikitaka Catalans would beat his Arsenal Teammate Robin van Persie and the Orange Team in the Final. I went out to watch the Game with my Dad but he was jaded by the vulgar Chat of the youthful Men in the Hotel Commmon Room so he went to view from outside in the open Grass Area. I remained sitted at a round white Table on the left of the Room with two Lads, one seemed familiar from SMACK but we did not talk much - they sat behind and I sat infront of the Table facing the Screen; they weren't from West Nile nor were they a Problem. What irked my Dad was the drunk Dudes at the Table on my right talking about how some People in the Room could not afford a Beer. Were they hitting at me and my Dad coz I only drank a Sprite [1000 UgX] while my Dad, I think, got Mineral Water and walked away while everyone else had a Beer? Of course it was comical to hit at my Dad who was probably three Times older than them and once worked at Nile Breweries; he is not Sudhir nor Bitature but I know he can afford a Beer though he is not a Drunkard. That left only me in the Hotseat but I was not bothered [I didn't give a fig]; I had just returned from a Government Stint so I was not totally broke but it brought back Memories when a Neighbour in KLA remarked that if I took a Girl out, I would run broke, hahehihohu! That's funny but when you are making Money - even Peanuts, the Price of a Beer seems like nothing. Besides, I do not fancy Beers, sometimes just too bland for me. I did not have to prove anything, I had just stepped up there to witness Fabregas make the Killer Pass that Iniesta would convert into Spain's First World Cup Triumph, the Curse was broken! At Halftime, one of my Tablemates read on his Phone that a Bomb had ignited in KLA; I did not take it seriously, thought it was a Halftime Joke but then immediately after that, a Waitress on our left accidentally dropped a Beer Bottle and it burst on the Floor like a Bomb. The Glass Pieces flew allover the Place including under our Table; she swept them. When the Game ended and I walked away with my Dad, I tuned in to 99.4 FM [BBC World Service in Arua] on my Nalongo Phone from Orange Telecom and heard the traumatic Headlines. There and then, I decided that I would watch Brazil 2014 in a very safe Place minus Risks: I did with my Dad again! During Extra Time at 0-0 after telling him that Commentators always talk about [Lionel] Messi - whom I rank Highest nonetheless - but forget the lethal [Mario] Goetze, the German Lad scored the Winner just like that! I do not claim to have prophetic Powers but my Favourite Second Cousin always confessed that in the 90s while watching Football Made in Germany on UTV (now UBC), I usually predicted the winning Team correctly; I just think I love Soccer too much. Of all the World Cup Finals I have watched, 2006 was my Worst because it was a Loss; I even slept at 3 AM and woke up with a blank Brain. 1998 was a temporary Loss coz I also adored some French Players from Arsenal (others joined later) though had wished for a Brazil Victory...
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA ARTISTS
The Year I became a Teenager was the same Year I joined SMACK and here are my Biggest Art Class Heroes (Brothers).
KARUHANGA: He could pencil Faces like a guru and knew how to sharpen his Tools. Sometimes, Jude slept on his Desk during Night Prep and never seemed to attend Winter [cold optional Extra Period before Morning Prep] but still performed better than most Students. His Soprano Skills were also angelic. Only Thing I felt I could roll in with him was maybe Football and German Language though he had a humongous German Dictionary. Jude loved Watermelons. He encouraged me to read Comic Books which seemed to influence his neat Superman Anatomy Style. I was always a huge Batman Animated Series (DC) Fan but also preferred Marvel's adult-themed X-Men. For Solar Tech, he is the go-to Guy...
KAWEEKWA: Was he the Reincarnation of Michael Jackson? His Dancing and Painting Abilities were mesmeric, almost non-terrestrial. He deserved his Mr. SMACK Accolade. Everyone in the Art Class knew who the Big Master was, of course Wekwes! Even Veteran East African Journalist Charles Onyango Obbo discovered him Decades later and tweeted about his amazing Talent but I knew Maurice from 1997. Want to know how my Housemate got the Nickname Wekwes, well who takes four Kilos of Groundnuts to Boarding School as Gweke (Luganda for Snacks)? Me I took about only one at a Time, if most two. When you want a beautifully made Cake for your Party, Wekwes is a good Designer to hire...
OTIM: We called him Oparaah, a very free Lad with alchemic Skills, always upbeat. If you did not know Agwau well, you would think he was just stubborn but Francis had the Best and Most Elusively-athletic Sidestep in Rugby among all my Classmates, at least according to me, don't know what the rest of the Lads thought. But anyway, everything to do with Mobile Money Systems, I trust him! He loves natural Hair, I do too...
AIKO: I feel like GOD offered me a Talent I have been nurturing since Nursery; sometimes am even inspired by what I draw. When Voices in my Head tell me I cannot draw, I get amazed when I persevere through the penciling [refinement] then inking like a Ninja from Jinja. Nevertheless, S4 Deskmate Jean Rwamukaga (Sato/ Batusai) sparked off the Inking Rebellion for me. We were always taught to sketch using Pencils but when I focussed and started copying Portraits with a Ballpoint Pen only, I realised how ignorantly lazy I had been in my Life. From S1 to 2, everybody studied Art by force and I would pencil Concepts roughly for pleading Streammates to complete before finishing my own Piece; they would score 10 out of 10 while I would get 9. I really did not mind! Senior 3 to 4 was Specialization Time and always Fun in the Art Class laughing at everyone's endless Jokes. We were just over a Dozen in the Class now from about 180. I was quiet but very enthusiastic about Logos and Lettering Graphics. During Parents' Open Day in 2000, I was really stunned when the Art Teachers selected three of my Manilla Paintings as a Showcase among the Best to mark the Millennium at SMACK; I just had to show my Dad! By 19, I had made up my Mind to become a committed Cartoonist after dropping out of the Art Class at Macos. My Passion for Arsenal FC since 1998 helped me practise Potraiture...
MAKE PEACE, NOT WAR!
One mid-Day while waiting with a Friend to book a Ticket to Arua at the crowded former Gaagaa Coach Office adjacent to King Fahd Plaza (Johnstone Street in KLA City), some Stranger suddenly accused me of laughing at him. I was busy laughing with my Friend because of other Things but this troubled young Man who was accompanied by his Friend unexpectedly chose to rebuke me. My Back was against the Counter as he entered through the Door. I repeatedly told him I wasn't laughing at him, but he continuously talked against me with boyish Pomp and Attitude. People around us just kept quiet. I wanted someone who had been in the Office before him to at least say something to shush him up, but nobody intervened. So I had to defend myself! He found me conversing with a Lugbara Friend who used to be a Hostel Watchman in Kauga (Mukono) attached to Uganda Christian University. My Friend moved to work in the Accounts Office at the Campus a few Years later. He was one of the (about) five Lugbara Watchmen in off-Campus Hostels who became my Friends while I studied at UCU between 2003 and 2006. The Stranger threatened to fight me, but I was not scared because I knew my older Watchman-Friend could block him for me even if he stayed silent to assess the Situation. There was nothing to apologise for. On the Surface, this schizophrenic Fellow (about my Body Size) looked tough and all that, probably a young Soldier, Watchman, Policeman, Government Agent, Spy, Militant or whatever but I had nothing to fear. I'm a Law-abiding Ugandan, so if he brought his big Mouth to the Office, I was ready to give him a Doze of my own retreating-Defence Ugandan Mouth. This is also my Country that got Independence on 9th October 1962, I told myself. I could not allow another Civilian intimidate me. Pride puffs up People like a Balloon, but it just requires one Thorn (out of Thousands) from a Hedge Fence to deflate their Bubble. We did not exchange Blows because when he told me I was a Fool, I simply replied sarcastically that I already knew it: "I never even got a First Class at University." What more could he tell me next that I didn't know about myself? End of Conversation...
DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
Some money unknowingly fell under my table one Thursday Night (searched in vain). So, I went to the City feeling a bit drained during the following morning, then outside KLA to finish a Task through Friday Night at the UCU Newsroom. While returning home on Saturday 29th June 2013 between 9 PM and 10 PM, I saw a youthful lady walking towards the Kyebando Kisalosalo Roundabout while reading from her phone on the dark North End of Tirupati Road, which is about a 5 minute walk from where I stay. The phonescreen was lit and I just bypassed her quietly. A few metres ahead, two men moving in the opposite direction walked past me. They were drunk, so I ignored them. But shortly later, I heard the woman behind me call out for help. So I turned around since there was noone else in sight (except noisy cars on the Northern Bypass a few metres east plus a faintly lit Cleveland Nursery/ Primary School Sportsfield in the west). I bravely walked towards the situation and one of the young men ran away northwards while the second guy let go of the helm of her skirt when I got closer. I couldn't recognise any faces. The frightened damsel quickly jumped to my safer side and I stood between her and the remaining guy.
In his drunken stupor, the assailant threatened to beat me up and my "girlfriend". He had actually bought her random name-dropping and thought she was with me. The damsel in distress had cleverly yelled out a name (probably James) but I responded immediately because noone else was on that lonely murram road at that dangerous time. I also pretended that I had left her behind. I told the guy to: "Be easy!" as I turned to walk her away with my black and blue bag hanging on my left shoulder while I eyed the assailant over my right shoulder. He kept threatening but I was waiting for him to make a move or draw first blood before I retaliate in self defence even though I also wanted to make peace. Why should I be afraid of a robber/ rapist in my hood? I don't fancy fighting but I have thrown down people before and wouldn't hesitate to throw him in the nearby river if necessary to sober him up. Besides, I know am not Frank Castle (The Punisher) but GOD's white Engels are never asleep! They could have helped me.
If he needed sensual healing after boozing, then he should have asked his wife (in case he had one) not a stranger who was probably someone else's beloved woman minding her own business! Luckily, the drunko gave up and walked away as I calmed the babe down by talking in Luganda like a brother. She was breathing heavily and revealed that at first the men grabbed her phone, then they started assaulting her sexually. They smelt like alcohol. She remembered that her sandal had remained behind, so switching on the torch on my Nalongo phone from Orange, we walked back almost ten metres behind and retrieved the sandal. She told me that she had just visited her blood brother in Kyebando and was returning home in Kamwokya.
Since the lights at the roundabout are blindingly bright and there were some people passing by as viewed from a certain double bend on the road, I told her I didn't have to escort her any farther and cut right. The adrenaline was a weekend relief basing on the fact that the midweek started quite badly and am glad I never got hurt. #GODsaves...
BITTER-SWEET TABOO
During 2000 (Senior 4) while in my Classroom revising alone sitted at the second last Table near the Corridor on the right, I sang the Song "(The Sweetest) Taboo" sampled by SHOLA AMA & GLAMMA KID (Original Song by SADE). Then: "Bam!" Suddenly, an invisible Palm slammed my Table and I stopped immediately. There was Sound and Movement near the left Top of my Book. Guess GOD was telling me not to sing Evil...
CONSTANT PRAYER WORKS
When I was appointed Headboy in 1996, I had to let go of my Football Dreams and aim entirely at perfecting my Grades, not just Passmark Success but optimum Performance. 1994 (Primary 5) was probably my Worst Academic Year before PLE and after P.6 First Term, I moved from my First Primary School to a new one (in June 1995) missing a redemptive Second Term Football Opportunity I was yearning for at my former School (having lost 2-0 to the opposite Stream the previous Year). I usually played Games enthusiastically as a young Boy is expected to and only settled to read for Promotion in third Term but this Time I had a Responsibility to be an academic Role Model longer than just one Term because I was made Class Monitor from P.6 till I became Headboy. In P.5, I was a Column Monitor for two Lines out of eight but never thought about topping my Class. The Last Time I was the Best in my Class had been P.1. In first Term P.7 which was tough for everyone, I got 8 on 4 according to my Report Card, but for the Rest of the Year: I was sailing high like an Eagle simply because I prayed to GOD every Night to make me the Best in my Class. Even Mocks couldn't mock me. I was the only Person in the whole of Primary 7 who was never caned for monthly Performance; only got whipped by Mr. Kiwanuka (P.7 West Class Teacher) with the entire Class when my P.7 East Stream was making Noise. I did not even deteriorate whenever we had bi-monthly Tests. I revised really hard for Tests, studying past Papers from my Sisters older than me (who had already finished P.7 from Victoria Nile School in Jinja), a UNEB Past Papers Booklet plus Kenyan Primary 8 Book I attribute a lot of my Knowledge to. I even read "Introduction to Biology" used in O'Level as I later discovered. Superstitiously, I sniffed the acute chemical Smell of the Book hoping it would diffuse the Biology Knowledge into me. 1996 was also the Year I discovered how Newspapers are made; all along I imagined ignorantly that everything you read on a Day's New Vision or Monitor Issue happened the same Day at the same Time indicated. Maybe it can apply for Online plus Evening Editions today but not then. Reading ahead is perhaps the Ultimate Secret to Academic Success because your Teacher/ Tutor/ Lecturer cannot teach you everything. You can also learn from your Life Events just like "Slumdog Millionaire" even if you don't focus at School. Proverbs was the only Bible Book I referred to for (Solomonic) Wisdom. I hated monthly "Firing Squad" Canes with a Passion and I had to do everything in my Power to avoid them. The Math and Science Teachers even referred to me as "My Son". The former (our Class Teacher) praised me as the Most Handsome, but I guess the KPS (Kalinabiri Primary School) Girls had their own Ideas. Teachers told my Parents (as they revealed to me Years later) that if I did not get 4 on 4 during PLE, they would collectively take my Results to UNEB and beg Officials to grant me a complimentary Grade basing on my Yearly Performance, haha, how nice! I'm glad it did not come to that, I even got admitted to the first Choice School I wanted. However, now I was facing the Brainiac Champions of the Country (As Number 31 according to my Admission Envelope, I joined the same Boys School with the Top 3 PLE Pupils in Uganda [who were all Boys]) and lost the Determination to constantly pray for first Place. Instead, I prayed to finish School alive without repeating any Class. Be very careful what you wish for, you might receive it! #GODisthegreatest...
REALITY OR FANTASY
After being warned by a mysterious vivid Voice in my right Ear, I saw the Devil on Buganda Road (in KLA City) one Weekday Morning during a Period (2006-7) when I used to attend Lunchhour Fellowships organised by a Born-again Church that met at the old Cineplex Cinema (Wilson Road). Maybe the Devil had a Deal he wanted to offer me directly. I was just starting out in the Working World (chasing 5,000 UgX per Day - Transport and Lunch) after Campus and vulnerably sought Blessings from a Church I knew absolutely nothing about. Strange Moisture would fall on my Forehead, didn't understand what was up. I just joined their interesting Lunchhour Fellowships because at Campus I had once seen a Vision of the Cineplex Exterior (on Wilson Road next to DV8) and wanted to work there but was never recruited. The Main Pastor in that Congregation confessed in some of his compelling Sermons that he used to dabble in Witchcraft but no more and I took it as Reformation-Gospel Truth. Nevertheless, the Olive Oil he smeared on Worshippers at the End of the Services actually had a weird Smell like it had been mixed with other Things but I did not want to judge him basing on his Past. I admired his Swag (nice Cars and Lifestyle) though what I really found repulsive was that sometimes during Offertory Time, he would shamelessly tell People to raise up their Offertory Money and wave it. Then he would say: all those who have 10,000 UgX and above should run quickly to receive their Blessings first (while the rest of us can wait to go last when the Olive Oil is almost finished - The Latter is my own idle Thought). As if playing Tricks on People's Psychology, he would warn that those who did not give in all the Money they came with would not receive GOD's full Blessings. You only needed to remain with Transport Money to take you back Home and not worry about Food or other Things for instance new Clothes. He likened his Church to a Business and even fired some Workers when they went wrong like stole Offertory. At his Church Headquarters somewhere beyond Nsambya Hospital, I was amazed by the huge Columns in the "House of GOD" he was building. I found Ladies (probably some Choir Members and Ushers) plaiting Hair at the Reception one mid-Morning. Their Skins usually looked oily, you wonder what they smear to shine that glorious. Somehow, I felt the Presence of Spirits watching from the Ceiling. When I headed down to the Pastor's Office, I was told to take off my Shoes before entering because I was on Holy Ground. I sat in a Chair and spoke to the Pastor sitting behind a Table but he never told me anything extraordinary though we prayed. I always wondered why he had Big Messages like specific Prophecies for other People and never me. When going out, you do not show him your Back, what Rule was that? Years later, I learnt from Asher Namanya (who calls himself GOD's Watchman) that this Pastor (won't mention his Name) was actually among hundreds of Ugandan Preachers who acquire Power from a suspect Source as narrated to him by Grace Kashemeire who had worked with the Leader of these false Prophets giving a falsified Testimony for Money that she was healed from HIV/ AIDS yet she was on ARVs. Grace also revealed that this Pastor was in the System of Satan for a long Time and sacrificed his own Son by hitting him with his Car as commanded by Satan. He turns into a Frog and was given a Task to eat People, so he eats human Flesh (like Omusezi). Whether this is true or not, only GOD will judge. #JESUSredeems...
WE ARE NOT ALONE
One night while in Arua, I saw a DreamVision of the Old Taxi Park (KLA City): one white Engel descended through the grey clouds towards the dark Taxi Park but was delayed by several dark Demons (probably a dozen) flying around him. They couldn't touch him because when they got near, they just got repelled by his light. However, they blocked his path about a hundred metres above the taxi park as he kept looking front, back and centre instead of completing the mission he had been sent to accomplish. It reminded me of Daniel 10:13 when a man in Daniel's vision told him: "The Prince of the Kingdom of Persia withstood me 21 days; but Michael, one of the Chief Princes, came to help me, so I left him there with the Prince of the Kingdom of Persia..."
The following night, I heard News that a relative was drugged by thugs in KLA when he boarded a taxi from the park and woke up at Mulago Hospital. He didn't know how he got there and the thugs only stole 60,000 UgX from him. Thank GOD they never injured him; he could at least recover from those stolen Shillings, #GODprotects...
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| FORGIVENESS: "A Leopard cannot change its Dots, but JESUS died to heal our Souls..." |
While Opposition organised "Walk to Work" Protests (since 2011) plus other Demonstrations disrupting roadside businesses and road transportation, foreigners would enter the country in flying cars with special clearance. Imagine you are in a taxi on a sunny day heading upstreet in a residential area and when you look left, you see Linda (married to someone else with whom she has a kid) walking outside a wall-fenced compound alongside Allan (also married to someone else with twins) heading to his car parked facing downstreet! What would you think even if they are not holding hands? Just shake your head if you are quick at judging people and continue with your journey! Otherwise, their business does not concern you for now until maybe GOD exposes them to their spouses if at all they are really cheating. What if they had a business discussion going on? Weren't they visiting another person together? Aren't married people allowed to remain friends with old schoolmates? Will you disembark to start accusing them of infidelity, cheating or corruption without concrete evidence? That is the kind of situation the Ugandan Opposition is in causing unnecessary suspicion. Anger is not a solution! It instigates a lot of negativity towards Government instead of healing, LORD have mercy...
MOUNTAINS OF THE MOON
If noone had convinced me that GOD exists, then viewing the double-extra-large (XXL) Rwenzori Mountains from Fort Portal Town (in Western UG) would make me believe. Globally, it is accepted that Mt. Everest in the Himalayas of India (over 8,000 Metres above Sea Level) is the Highest Mountain on Earth. It even keeps increasing by half an Inch annually. In Africa, the freestanding Mt. Kilimanjaro (Tanzania) and Mt. Kenya are closer to the Sky than Rwenzori (the only three African Mountains above 5,000 Metres) but this Ugandan Beast of a Rock is the Highest (non-volcanic) Block Mountain on the entire Continent. Meanwhile, Sierra Nevada in California tops Rwenzori's Category worldwide. Inside UG alone, Mt. Elgon (East in Mbale) with the Largest Volcanic Base on Earth (though extinct) is still second in Height to Rwenzori which is also much much more spectacular. "Say: Travel through the Earth and see how GOD did originate Creation; so will GOD produce a later Creation: for GOD has Power over all Things..." (QURAN 29:20 The Spider)
While growing up in Jinja, my Sports House from Primary 1-6 (at Victoria Nile School 1990-1995) was called Rwenzori. I can still recall the Green House's Super Athletes Mulala (our own Usain Bolt even before the Record-setting Olympian became known) plus Dembe (She looked graceful in Gait because of her slightly bigger-than-average Mass, but when you placed her with other Females on the Race Track, she would outrun all of them). So, I grew up with some sentimental Attachment to these Ranges even though my ancestral Origins are in West Nile. The first Time I saw the Rwenzori in Real Life was within a Copper-scented Vicinity in Kasese Town (October 2008) when recommended to Robinah Kajwenge by Martha Chemutai (my UCU Mass Communication Classmate) for an International Alert Documentary. At Hotel Margherita which lies on a raised Place, I told Tom Isingoma (another Mass Com Fellow I was reuniting with mysteriously after our Graduation two Years behind but this Time a Cameraman I was supposed to work with for five Days) that one Day, I "will" walk on the Rwenzori (which stood majestically in the beautiful Background I chose for some Interview Shots). I asked a top COMESA Official at the Forum if I could interview her, but she asserted No. Good enough, Winnie Kizza (the calm-spirited Kasese Woman MP who looks more beautiful in Reality than Pictures) accepted though later my Cameraman said he had already filmed her on the only Day I had missed (Monday) while travelling from KLA. I was still very grateful (not disappointed) that Winnie had agreed to be interviewed. She was very kind like some responsible Public Servants are with valuable Information, no Stress! I got other Interviewees and had a fair first Day. But then on Tuesday Night while being rushed to Kuluva Hospital (in Arua), my last Grandmother died in the Arms of her Son-in-Law (my Dad), four Years after his own Mother died. I had planned to visit her in December. Tears rolled during the Wednesday Tea Break when I got a Phone Call from my Sister (Doris) but I quietly faced away from everyone for about two Minutes to soak in the Pain and did not tell anyone. I only visited my Grandma's cemented Grave Weeks later.
Some nights later back in KLA City, I saw a Dreamvision of myself viewing the Toro Palace but did not know when exactly it would happen. Then in December 2012 courtesy of (a Recommendation by a former Workmate named Enoch Kassenyi to) Eshban Kwesiga with whom I did an Illustration and Documentation Project for WWF (World Wide Fund for Nature), I returned to the Rwenzori Area. After two Days in Kasese, we travelled northwards towards Toro with three other People. I told them about my Dreamvision and they assured me that I would see the Palace as we approach Fort Portal Town. I was praising GOD when I finally saw the brownish Royal Building perched on its Hill.
During a brief Stopover in the Town, I walked out of the WWF SUV we were travelling in and looked back left at King Oyo's Palace again (same View as in my Sleep to acknowledge the Existence of a Higher Power who sends Dreamvisions to Humans) while the two Ladies we moved with went across the Street to purchase some Stuff. When I first looked at the Rwenzori in 2008, it didn't seem high from where I stared, but I guess it is because of the rising Altitude of the land around it as you measure away from the Sea. I imagine that the same might apply to many other Mountains and Highlands. But when I witnessed part of the 120 Kilometre Horizontal Stretch of the Rwenzori, I was totally awed. You see it in one major Town, then when you travel away to another major Town for two Hours, you still see it again extending farther. The only other Phenomenon like that is maybe Big Lakes and Long Rivers. In Jinja, I had two Wonders of Nature to marvel at: The Biggest Freshwater Lake in Africa (Second Biggest on Earth after Russia's Caspian Sea) and the Longest River on Earth (River Amazon is just bigger in Volume but not longer). They seemed normal and ordinary to me because I saw them most of the Time, but People came from far to enjoy them. The Grass is not green on the other Side, it's green where you water it! The Source of the Nile was like a 6 Minute Walk away from my School yet I was always reading about it as a major Tourist Attraction, hiih!
It was approaching Dusk and we still had to travel to Bundibugyo located on the Other Side of the Rwenzori through a winding Mountain Road after leaving Andrew Mwenda's Homeland. The steep Sides of the menacingly huge Block Mountain made me worry about us falling over in an Accident; GOD putting an End to my World like the Mayans: 1000 Ways to die, choose one! I could see dark and scary Rain Clouds on the same Line with the Mountain Top and was told by the Driver that we had to go through them. I wonder why he kept teasing me that I had a Crush on NBS TV's popular Newscaster Joy Biira, which was totally false. Of course, I had an irresistable Crush on a Rwenzori Babe for less than 16 Months from Saturday 22nd November 2003 while on Campus but it wasn't the Presenter (I could not force her to love me). Joy was rated highly by many Viewers before she moved to KTN in Kenya, but as my NBS Owakabi I would still prefer her former Colleague Doreen Komuhangi (or Victoria Bagaya and another of her Youth Voice Crew) - all from this Area Code I bet. The only Joy I ever fancied was on Easter Sunday 1991 (saw her after Midday till Dusk); met another admirable Joy (Baguma) 10 to 11 Years later. Both had a younger Brother with the same Name, don't know if it was the same Flame! During that awesome Moment in Captain Gerald Portal's Town, I remembered the Campinas (Brazil) Car Accident where only the Eggs in the Trunk were not crashed and respectfully meditated a Prayer: "LORD GOD Almighty, if YOU brought me all this Way to kill me, I repent of all my Sins right now! Please let us go through this Elevation safely!" Humans have created Highways, Dams, Skyscrapers, Tunnels, Radio Telescopes and massive Towers but all their amazingly extreme Exploits can still be dwarfed by "GOD Engineering": Mountains, Oceans, the Sky, Deserts, Continents, Planets and Galaxies. There is even a Star called UY Scuti which is 1,700 Times bigger than our daily Sun. GOD is indeed a great Creator! I bet Kadongo Kamu Musician Paulo Kafeero would say the same!
Before Midnight, we were already at our Resting Places in Bundibugyo without any Scratches, ready for another busy Day at the Democratic Republic of Congo Border where a middle-aged Native eagerly showed me the Snow on top of the Rwenzori (though from a Distance). I could not believe why School scarcely taught me some of the refreshing Discoveries (like Water going upstream in Channels plus blue Rivers) I was witnessing in this Rwenzori Wonderland. Two Colleagues told me: maybe I never paid Attention in Class. #GODexists...
KEEP SMILING
Kudos to all the Entrepreneurs: when many Doors close in your Face, you have to try and open your own Windows of Opportunity! This is the Era of Natasha's Father; we look for Money but it is not enough! Salute to the President, he is not the Cause of every Problem! Even after him, we will still have to outmonster Sickness and Poverty by GOD's Grace! After Campus in 2006, I set out to work in KLA City; first under the Wings of my Favourite Uncle stationed at Daisy's Arcade because he had invited me a Year before during my Sister's Graduation Party at College Inn Wandegeya. I liked the Editing Work he assigned me though my Parents wanted me to get a big Government Job instead. Nevertheless, while working for my Unc, I also applied to over 100 other Places including Pricewaterhouse Coopers (PwC), WBS TV [thrice], Worldvision [free Lunch], Bayport, etc and spent lots of Money on Photocopies, Transport and Emails hoping to recover it all in vain. I would go for Interviews, pass them but never got selected for the Posts. The only other Work I did was unapplied for, usually Recommendations by other People except maybe Editorial Cartooning at the UCU Standard Newspaper; I was selected out of three Applicants. One Time, I passed an Interview by 36 out of 40, got hired by the male Director but fired indirectly and unexplainably a Month later by his Co-Director who had fired the Person I replaced; she just did not expect me to be there as she told me when I received the Call she had made to the Front Desk Manager's Landline. I had not even applied for the Job, just got recommended by two OGs one of whom was murdered a Year later (Rest in Peace, Brenda!). In another instance before that, I missed a Face to Face Job Appointment because I had been invited by an Employer to Employee Connecting Service I had registered with. Thinking it was a definite Joblink, I was amazed when the Indian Boss was just reassessing my Credentials; I should have gone for the other Appointment because that's where a Best Friend later joined. The Hustle here and there was all in the Name of getting paid and am glad I was never fleeced with Application Fee Cons but what really made me understand my Situation was one Midday in 2007. I had already taken Application Envelopes to about three different Offices and decided to go to MTN Towers to register my First MTN Card. I was not applying for a Job at MTN but on walking into the Reception Area that had so many Air Conditioners, one of the Ladies behind the long Table exclaimed in Luganda, "Waliwo ekiwunya!" [Translated: There is something stinking!] I knew it had to be my Socks because I was sweating profusely in my Shoes after walking Miles in the City looking for a Job. I took it as a Punch in the Stomach but calmly asked where I could register my Card. They directed me to the Top Floor. So I got into the Lift nursing my schizophrenic Moment hoping for a nicer Reception upstairs. When the Lift Doors opened, the First Person I saw sitted behind the Desk directly infront of me literally calmed my Nerves. I did not know that seven Years later, she would collapse and die at Entebbe Airport on a UN Mission to Libya (Rest easy, Ayikoru!) but was someone I had already known for over a Decade, actually connected to the Family some Way; I even graduated on the same Day with her Father. When she stayed at my Parent's Place briefly many Years behind, I was personally amazed by her Beauty, Hard Work and the Fact that she spoke French [considerd the World's Most Romantic Language; not by me though, Korean is cuter]. She was beautifully slender then than when we met again but I did not care, I told her why I had come and she sent me to the relevant Person. It was an Executive Floor; all the Papers I was seeing on the Desks had big Money Figures and I felt small with my Card Registration Issue but still handed in the yellow Form and returned to my Lifesaver. It was a refreshing Reunion and literally dispelled the hurtful Ground Floor Experience. When I left MTN Towers, I felt happier because of her (like her Lugbara surname suggests) than when I had just walked in. It reminded me of the Day I went to Crested Towers 5th Floor to get some Information for my Uncle from the new Kenya Ports Authority Resident Administrator sent from Kenya. His smartly dressed Lady Assistant was very kind to me throughout but the Jama suspecting I was a "Crook" threatened to call Police on me after I honestly told him I was a Student and yet had a Company ID: I had not yet graduated, Meeting happened between my last Campus Exam in April and the August 2006 Graduation. While going up in the Lift, a Stranger [with gray Hair] had told me that my deep red Shirt reminded him of his UPC Days plus President Milton Obote. After the unnecessary Fracus with the KPA Exec, I met the Old Man again in the Lift; it's like GOD had sent him to calm my Nerves. He kept joking again about UPC until the Ground Floor even though am NRM at heart but I walked away smiling inside. Man, this Bank Stuff of "Know Your Customer" also works everywhere!
BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
In 2005 after a Media Issues Lecture, I walked out of the Classroom in "OV Seeta Village" at UCU Mukono and boldly told the Lecturer (also Sunday Vision Editor, Samuel Apedel) who was talking to my Classmates that for Internship, I wanted to be a Cartoonist at New Vision. He laughed heartily and said, "We already have a Cartoonist called Mr. Ras!" I guess my Proclamation sounded like a Joke but I truly wanted to do that. During Holidays, I created a Campus Life Toon Collection using folded A4 Foolscaps bound with two Staples like a B5 Book with two Cartoons on each Page separated by a Line in the Centre just in case I was asked for a Portfolio and it unbelievably got me my very first professional Cartoonist Job at UCU two Years later. Although Ben Bella (the Mass Communication Dean) wrote an Internship Recommendation Letter introducing me as a Writer to The New Vision in 2005, I never got selected out of about five Candidates (who included Helen Mwiza and Doreen Katusiime). However, when Apedel advised me later on at the Entrance of the Media House to write Letters as a Reader to the Editor instead and got published several Times, I became encouraged that my Art can also get published. So, I chose my Best Drawings, photocopied them, put them in a Manila File and asked Classmate Roger Mugisha (also the New Vision Food Guide Writer) to take them for me specifically to Mr. Ras even though he is not the one who chooses the Artist. The popular Ugandan Cartoonist kept my File near his Desk and I saw it again when I was called by Wanyama Wangah (my first UCU Standard Newspaper Supervisor) to meet Ras at New Vision on Bob Marley's Birthday four Years after sending it; I left Mawanda Road and rushed to 3rd Street using two Taxis from Mulago and Kampala Road. That very relieving Evening, I learnt that there are so many very good Artists (some even more talented than me like Loukman Ali) who crave to cartoon for NV but never get the Chance because there are not many free Spots. It's just like in a Traffic Jam, the Best Way to your Destination is to either wait patiently, jump on a Bodaboda or walk Home. The last Saturday before Christmas in 2010, I was in Arua preparing to visit my Aunt who stays across Enyau River on Monday but got a Call from Wanyama again to come to the NV Offices on Monday and meet Eric Adriko because Mr. Ras was going on a Month-long Leave. I booked a Gaagaa Ticket immediately and was in transit on Sunday. When I finally met the Photo Editor whose Name I had always seen but did not know personally, I felt like I had arrived where I wanted to be. Besides, he is a Lugbara and it was easy for me to talk to him. Despite being given only one Slot for the Week on Sunday while the rest of the Days would be filled by Tom (an Etop Cartoonist in Soroti) whom they probably reasoned had more NV Experience than me, I was just happy to be Temporary Staff for the first Time; sitting in the same Chair where Mr. Ras always sat felt like I had reached a Mountain Peak. Working for the same Sunday Paper as my Favourite Ugandan Cartoonist of All-Time named Danny Barongo (aka B. Danny) was too much to ask for. It was not my first Time to meet him since I had visited him at Vision before for Mentoring after Andrew Mwenda's The Independent sent me to him but it still felt surreal. When you meet Staff like Ernest Bazanye, David Mukholi, Mr. John Kakande and Esther Namugoji, you feel like you know them just because of their Names which you have seen over and over again but you really don't; I tried not to act excited. I even went to see Mr. Apedel in the first Office from the Upper Entrance a few Metres behind the Photo Section to show him my first Cartoon (though unpublishable because Boxing Day Sunday would have no Newspaper) and chat a bit: Dreams do come true! Now I could go beyond Camilla's Reception Desk without waiting for Clearance first. Joseph Opio, my OB from Macos and NV Sports Writer welcomed me outside to their "humble Workplace" and stopped at my Counter to make me more comfortable; he never lost his Humour, LOL! Other People like one of the Financial Staff and Constantine Odong - an OB from SMACK whom we nicknamed Kara [Electricity] because of his black Skin also stopped by; I did not know Kara was at Saturday Vision but was pleasantly surprised. He used to send me blank SMSes when I was working for The Electoral Commission in Tara Subcounty, Maracha. John Semakula - another humorous Old Fellow from UCU Mukono and first Campus News Editor at The Standard also checked on me. However, best of all was Roger Mugisha (transferred to Vision Group Holdings) who surfaced one Morning with two other Dudes. It was chilly outside but I felt very comfortable clad in a grey Pullover my Youngest Sister had gifted me. Talking to Roger reminded me that Dreams require cool Patience; it took me five Years to get exactly where I wanted to be and I should actually enjoy it. I did not ask for the Names of the Photo Team but they were a welcoming and very lively Group, always kept me entertained as I silently listened to their Conversations. Opposite me was the lightskinned Advertisements Guy who had recently scooped an internal Award for Employee of the Month, I think I confused his Name with (Allan) Ssekamatte of Daily Monitor. I did not know that the Artist who draws Sports Cartoons with the Penname "Dr. Stone" is actually black; used to imagine that he is probably some White behind the Scenes, William Pike Type-of-Way! He spoke fluent Luganda and had the same Skin like me but faster; he drew his Cartoons very fast while chatting with the Photo Lads unlike me but they always come out comprehensive, that's Brainwork right there. I also saw Robert Kabushenga, Barbra Kaija, Stephen Candia and many other People though cannot mention all! On the Morning of the Annual End of Year Party, I was stopped from entering the Building because I had no Vision Group ID. Nevertheless, I did not fight too hard nor make a Scene. I just waited patiently for a Moment when I could finally convince the Guards to let me pass. Arthur Oyako who had been my second Managing Editor at UCU arrived and I told him to get me someone from the Newsroom to clear me at the Door. Suddenly, a Financial Staff Officer walked out and told the Guards that I was doing something with them; they let me pass and I was extremely grateful. I had learnt some of the NV Corners and so when many People from external Vision Group Branches flocked in asking for Directions to the Party Venue, I gleefully directed them yet I bet they had worked for Vision longer than me. In the Evening, I told Apedel I would not attend the Party because I had a Requiem Mass for an old Friend to attend in Kamwokya at Night before his Corpse would be transported to the South Sudan Border near Koboko the following Day. During our Internship Vacation in 2005, Roger Mugisha taught me that non-Staff are not allowed in the New Vision Library after Noon. Half a Decade later when I needed to research some Stories in order to draw a Weekly Recap [Aiko through the Week], I headed to the Library and while sitted digging seriously for Topics one Evening, the Librarian questioned why I was still inside unlike the others. Some Dude I do not even know informed her that I was with them. It was such a Heartwarming Moment; I did not defend myself. Someone else did. I spent my 2011 Birthday Evening in the Newsroom and left around 11 PM to go to a Cousin's Place by Invitation. Another Day, Dorcus Inzikuru came to the Newsroom and shook Hands with several Staff Members while thanking all of them. After that brief Month at Vision Group, I dropped the Copyright Symbol before my Moniker but kept on cartooning for UCU instead till I was let off in 2015. Be very careful what you wish for, you might receive it...
DREAMVISIONS/ SECOND SIGHT PRECOGNITION
Sometimes I would have Trouble sleeping simply because of the sudden Previsualisations I would see in my Dreamvisions, not necessarily about the next Day in my Life but also other People. I became afraid of saying the LORD's Prayer before sleeping because I would have really vivid Visions. Seeing the Future is a brave Situation even if it is just seeing one Day ahead which most Times is my case. What I dream about becomes my Guide for understanding any strange Thing that occurs during the Day. I have talked about my Arsenal FC Matchday Dreamvisions on another Platform (www.retreatingdefence.blogspot.com) but here am going to reveal others. I do not practice Divination (though as a Kid I wanted to get Magic Powers from across Lake Victoria - Those Wishes evaporated), neither do I ask for Visions but sometimes I just dream something. #GODisTheGreatest...
I saw a Dream where a Man was kidnapped but he threatened his Attackers after a Hustle inside a Building and they ran away. During waking Life, I saw News that the Libyan Prime Minister Ali Zeidan was kidnapped for less than one Day in 2013, but he told People to remain calm after his Release...
Before Sudanese Freedom Fighter John Garang died, I saw a DreamVision of "The Missing Event" discovered by Kids playing inside a crashed Chopper. The Black Box in the Chopper did not give sufficient Information according to News Reports but in my Dream, the lower Portion of the Aircraft was shaky (not well riveted) as noticed by the Kids jumping inside the Wreckage. I've never investigated if that was the deadly mechanical Fault...
One Afternoon, I saw a grey Monkey in Barifa Forest (for the first Time) just behind Greenwood exactly the Way I had been warned in a Dream during the Morning. I didn't get scared, I just shook my Head as I walked to Mvara through the Forest where I usually strutted amazed by the Power of precognitive Visions...
In 1st Year at Uganda Christian University (Mukono), I dreamt that I was the Best in my Class and wasn't surprised when I got a Scholars & Friends USA Bursary for Madi & West Nile Diocese. In fact, when I phoned my Baba to tell the Achievement, I started jokingly that I had some "Bad News". We both laughed afterwards...
In 2nd Year Vacation (2005), I failed to get Internship at New Vision. However, Samuel Apedel, a Sunday Vision Editor and Lecturer at UCU told me to just write relevant Letters about Current Affairs like a Reader, even though no Facilitation is involved in it. Many of my first Attempts didn't get the Nod but I kept on until I got published. One Night, I even saw a Heading for a Letter I could write entitled "Respect Mothers". When I woke up, I wrote just that and it got published...
In 3rd Year while at UCU Mukono, I dreamt that someone was falsely accusing my Ma and Baba in Arua. So I sent Ma an SMS and she called me back saying they were "fine". That was a Sunday but the following Saturday, I headed to KLA to meet my Baba who had travelled from Arua and heard him tell People who had come to see him about a schematic and greedy Lawyer who wanted to throw them in Jail. The Lawyer later cried and apologised...
In a Dream, I saw Arsenal Goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny shake his Head. During the Evening Match the same Day, Everton drew 1-1 at the Emirates and Wojo looked dejected after conceding a stoppable Equalizer over his Head scored by a vibrant and fast Everton Substitute. That was the Last Football Match I ever watched with Enthusiasm inside a KLA Video Shack (2013), but it wasn't the Last Day I saw a prophetic Arsenal MatchDay Vision...
My Second Sight showed me a Vision of the UCU Newsroom in Mukono but I did not travel there from KLA when I woke up. Then during the Course of the Day, the Supervisor phoned to tell me that they sat for a Production Meeting that Day and briefed me on what I needed to cartoon for the Issue in the Pipeline.
Around the Time El Ponchis - a 14 year old Mexican-American Hitman on a killing Spree got arrested, I saw an epic DreamVision of the Return of the Legion Demons in Mexico...
One Morning, I dreamt that some big Stealth-Bomber-shaped limbless Creatures with pointed Face kept coming back but attacking differently the next two or three Times after studying the Defence Reflexes of Humans. I immediately interpreted the Dream as "Deep Blue Sea (1999 film)" and waited patiently till 3PM for Amaaso Ku Lutimbe (Movie Dom) on NBS Television. I swear to GOD, they broadcast the same exact Movie with intelligently deadly Makosharks I even consider one of my Best of All-Time...
On pre-Graduate Campus, I saw a Classmate chase me in a Dream and after a Lecture, I mysteriously found myself speaking to the said Classmate outside the Classroom. I cracked a Joke and ran. It happened just like in the Dream. I also had a Dream of being the Best in a certain Lecturer's Coursework and when Results came back, it was like Deja vu, 45 Marks out of 50. While others congratulated me for the Moment, I had already seen it before so I had no vain Time to feel any Pride.
Several years back, I had a Vision that my first Brother-in-Law got a Daughter named Joan. I only told one person about the Possibility once and was stunned in 2015 to find out from my Nephew that he actually has a Half-sister named Joan. She was in Primary 6. Prophetic Dreams are simply awe-inspiring.
In Senior 4, I told a Classmate who sat behind me that I had seen a Vision he would be the Best in the whole of Uganda during UCE Exams. I never met him again until after Campus and he reminded me that my Prophecy came true. I had even forgotten about it. I doubt whether I saw the News anywhere during a Time I probably watched only Entertainment TV, it was Vac' - what else would one want? When I went to SMACK and saw my Name on the Selling List, I just headed to my Second Choice School without any Complaints. The same Dude had been the third in Uganda during our PLE Year.
I once saw a Dream that saved my Life on KLA Streets: it simply required me not to run and the People who were probably planning something wrong for me gave up quickly. I just minded my own Business like I wasn't afraid of them because I had already seen how it would end.
I saw a new DFCU Building in my Dreamvision and got a Call during the Day from somewhere the side of Kabalagala (a KLA City Suburb). While in a Taxi passing on Gaba Road, I looked right and saw a new DFCU Building under Construction almost completed. I had never seen it there before yet I had been to several other Branches. It confirmed to me that I was meant to take that Route that Day.
I have also seen People I know dying because of a certain Problem and when I wake up, I pray for them and act towards them according to how I think the Problem can be softened without saying what I know. Sometimes I have even confirmed their Problem by hearing them discuss it with other People. Most Times, I keep quiet about it. Whenever I see bad Visions like Robberies in the Neighbourhood, I try to pray that they subside.
While in KLA, I once saw an unbelievable but irresistable DreamVision of what Arua could have been in the 1970s hadn't Idi Amin been overthrown. It included Buildings that could have been constructed. When I woke up, I wondered how and why I had seen these Things but on visiting Facebook, the first Photos I saw were sepia-tinted Artistic Impressions of the KKT Plaza under Construction in Arua uploaded by one of Idi Amin's Children (Ssalongo Jaffar). He freely told me the History of that Plot of Land on Duka Road...
I have also seen Snakes in my Dreamvisions and during the Day saw real Snakes, sometimes exactly where I saw them in the Dream. Another Time, I killed one exactly how I was supposed to, by hitting its head repeatedly after waiting for it to appear. My Youngest Sister actually warned me about it as it passed near my closed Door. I once informed my first Nephew in the Morning that I had seen a Snake near where he usually plays. In the Afternoon, he ran into the House towards me and reported that there was a Snake on the Compound. Immediately, I walked out and the first Thing I saw was a green Mamba with its Head raised up about 20 Metres away looking behind directly at me. It lowered its Head and vanished after I said a Prayer. My Quest to find it failed, we even burnt Tires to scare it away from wherever it was hiding. In my Vision, Tygress the Family Dog had swallowed it but she was still tied to her Kennel in waking Life. Around 10PM on Independence Night 2015, a black Snake fell on my right Foot as I opened the Door after seeing myself falling off my Bed towards the Right like a Snake in a Dream the previous Night. It was very very very very sudden but I did not shake with Fear because I could still remember my Vision...
I have seen so many other Dreamvisions that rhymed in Real Life, but cannot mention all!
THE WORST HEADACHE EVER (Campus Tales)
During the final Saturday before my first ever Examination Week at UCU Mukono (2003), General Briefing ended before Lunch and I used the remaining Time to play vigorous Survival Basketball in the Drizzle alongside many other Dudes including Joel (Hostelmate) & Tony at the Tech Park Half Court (Afghan). When I went back to my Hostel (Bishop Kamanyire) on Besaniya Hill Road outside the southern Campus Fence, I rested and sunbathed on the Western Verandah of my Hostel Block. Little did I know that I had activated Pandora's Box after having a somewhat healthy Semester. Mama always warned me not to play in the Rain because of Malaria and I got a Fever a Day before Exams but did not go for medical Checkup. Instead, I just rested. Luckily, I woke up with Strength to sit for my first Paper on Monday. I had revised with Determination during many cold Nights prior to the Exams so I was not too worried about failing. Usually on Exam Mornings, I relaxed and made sure that I did not read much except maybe Summaries that would help me break down detailed Ideas. In fact, after topping my Class in the Overall Results (which included Courseworks), I got a (Top-up) Scholars & Friends USA Tuition Scholarship for Madi & West Nile Diocese ($300 which was 600,000 UgX per Semester for my final four Semesters - 2nd and 3rd Year). Prayers worked.
However, that Exam Period was unforgettable. After my first Day of "Cantab", the Fever returned. In the Night, when I forced myself up to go to a Clinic, I felt like I was going to faint. So I sat on the Trunk of an abandoned Volvo Saloon Car in the Compound and asked Dan (the Landlord's Son/ Hostel Manager) to help me. I wrote a Letter explaining my Situation and told him to get for me Drugs from any Clinic downhill plus paid for the Medicine. The Mistake I think I made was that I just relied on the random Drug Prescriptions without Physical Checkup and by the Weekend, I could not believe the Headaches I was experiencing. Mornings were always fine and allowed me to sit for Papers most of which were in the Morning, but in the Evening: Hell literally visited me. One of the Drugs I can remember consuming was called Diclofenac, it must have been my first Time to take it and the Doze really messed me up. The unusual Headache during the Exam Weekend felt like my Brain was being cut repeatedly using broken Glasses while I lay in my Bed. My Mind was seemingly transported into Outer Space and the Galaxy looked endless. I also visualised a gigantic moving Creature with multiple Limbs probably like the Destroyer in Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer or the Evil Entity in Green Lantern. Both Movies were not yet even out then but I felt like my Brain was in a limitless Realm where everything could be known but still I couldn't grasp anything. The Pain was immense. I had nothing else to do: I just kept trusting the misprescribed Drugs to work their Magic as I shivered in Pain. I even wondered if that was what is usually called a Migraine Headache. I had felt horrible Headaches before but this one was the Master of all-Headaches. Close to the real End of the Semester, three Lugbara Babes who stayed at the same mixed Hostel even came to see me because they were informed that I was dying. GOD bless them! My Kenyan Roommate's Kenyan Girlfriend who was also studying on Campus suspected that a jealous Relative might have bewitched me so that I do not do Exams, but I knew GOD could block that.
On my very last sunny but nauseating Afternoon in First Semester, I almost had no Strength to go see the Sister I follow who was in her 3rd Year at UCU. While climbing up the Hill to get to Campus, I first rested briefly on the left of Besaniya Hill Road, then at the Beginning of the Slope towards the Highest Gate at UCU. Cows were even grazing nearby and they probably wondered why a Human was sleeping on their Food. The third Stop was the left Grass Area just after the Guild Canteen as I headed southwards towards my Sister's Block that was near where the current Dining Hall is. My Sister gave me some Tea plus brown Bread and I regained Strength. Luckily, I got to KLA alone in the Evening.
The dangerous Exam Weekend Headache taught me to always visit the University's Allan Galpin Clinic on Campus instead in my remaining five Semesters which I did whenever I fell ill, for example for the unusual Boil on my Head in 1st Year the following Semester (which was wonderfully removed within a Week - A very comedic Classmate joked that Knowledge wanted to come out) plus Malaria and Typhoid in 2nd Year when I was given Drugs for Gonorrhea (I found out after reading Leaflets in the Drug Box) that also messed up my Heart. In my Mind, I felt like something (probably a Death Angel) kept sitting on a Bench in my Heart and I was itching restlessly throughout a certain Friday Night while a Hostel Neighbour's KPC Friends held a Generator-lit Overnight in our Common Room. At least the Drugs were prescribed after comprehensive Lab Tests on Campus and the slender female Resident Doctor who handled my Case gave me edifying Bible Verses to read. Somehow, the audible Prayers and Songs from the Worshippers probably saved my Life too because a Voice in my Dream before the Sickness had warned me that it was going to kill me. I was very near Death about twice on Campus. I always had this unhealthy Premonition that I would die before 3rd Year, but thank GOD I graduated with Honours (4.12 GPA, Second Class Upper)...
THE WORST THING IN SCHOOL [since 1989]
I started nursery at the age of 5 years and at 22, I received my first degree (a Bachelor of Arts in Mass Communication). Throughout that period, I was punished in various ways for various reasons till S6 (Age 18) though on Campus I only faced one major incident with a Lecturer who, instead of whipping, punished my Group by not indicating marks in our final results for boycotting her Discussion Assignment. In P3 while teachers had their meeting in Upper School, they sent a few older students to come watch Lower School classes for them. Somebody else in my stream whistled but I was called to the front to carry a brick with each of my outstretched hands while kneeling simply because I was spotted covering my mouth. Did I just look guilty? In S1 and 2, we would be made to slash grass or dig in the gardens if we made noise; in S5, it was cleaning our hostel toilets after lights out (10:00pm) though I survived it many times. Nevertheless, the one punishment I abhored with all my blood was being whipped for academic performance. It started around P4: the Maths teacher would call the Best Performers to the front of the class and locate a reason for whipping pupils from their test papers. For instance, if you left a number unattempted, then you would get whipped; she would ask who you left the number for. If your method was right and answer wrong, then you would get whipped even if you scored above the D1 passmark. If you failed a number she had taught recently, then you would get whipped; noone was spared. Those who scored low marks would definitely prepare for their turn after the high scorers. It's like she wanted everyone to score 100 in her tests which is totally impossible and unrealistic. It made me hate school. Meanwhile, my mother also used to beat me at home for "poor handwriting". It forced me to study the serif font styles used in newspapers, novels and other literature. When I finished P4, I felt so relieved but P6 also had its hard-hitting teachers but I was with them for just one term. I moved to a new school in second term and thought I might jump the performance canes but it just got worse in P7. There was even a frontpage newspaper story that some kid had died somewhere in the country after being whipped 50 times by a teacher; we worried that we might be next. I prayed every night to be top of my class and was never whipped though everyone else was. As Headboy, the only time I got whipped was when my class was found making noise and the classteacher from the other stream that had the headgirl told all of us to stand where we were sitted and executed the canes. Every month, we would have tests and a Post-results Firing Squad where candidates were required to either remain in the same Point Average as the previous round or improve. When you dropped from 5 points to 6 or lower, you would get whipped. My East stream was usually ordered to go for the sessions in the West stream and most stood near the walls. The lucky ones shared seats with the Westerners but when your name came up, you had to get up. It was "misery", reminded us of Idi Amin's era. I revised really hard during P7 and even let go of my football ambitions, turned down a call-up to the school team. I read past papers from my three sisters who had already gone through P7, a Standard 8 textbook from Kenya and a UNEB Booklet with past PLE Tests. My mission was to outsmart my teachers which I successfully did; they even told my parents that if I did not score 4 points in PLE, they would take my cummulative results throughout the year so that I receive a honorary 4 instead. Glad I got 4 by GOD's grace but really hated the academic canes even if I never got them. There was a classmate named Agnes who looked like the biological sister I follow. Whenever she would get punished for her academics, I felt like sitting down and probably tutoring her but was worried that she might think I have other motives. Girls nevertheless asked me questions, teachers called me their "son" but probably did not know that I was trying to outsmart the canes with laser focus. There was a sickly girl in the West stream who would pass out when handled violently; her father nevertheless gave a go ahead for her to be whipped nonetheless. Glad there was no worrisome incidence but she seemed truly fragile because of her health. I'm totally against whipping learners when they fail. Why should someone's kid be whipped just because he does not know the name of Barack Obama's father yet he does not know the name of his own cousins living in UG? Or why should someone's daughter be whipped just because she cannot spell "hippopotamus" correctly? What if she is more interested in French because she is Rwandese? Beating kids won't make them sharper, everyone is gifted differently. Instead, kids should be allowed to explore what they are most interested in! There is noone who wants to remain daft; some of my schoolmates would read endlessly but never top the class while others would chill and read occasionally but still perform well; it just felt unfair.
In O-Level, the teachers did not really punish us routinely for academics but we still got beaten for many other reasons including late-coming, theft, bullying, boycotting school activities and going home without permission. One morning in S4, after being Timekeeper the previous year, the Headmaster came to our Quadrangle at dawn and whipped those who delayed to wake up quickly for morning prep. After hearing that he had surfaced at the gate, I wanted to run and hide in the toilets but when I reasoned that the canes for hiding in the toilets would be hotter, I took my bums to the gate for torture. Those were probably the two Hottest Canes I ever received in my life because they left marks on my behind and basing on the fact that it was cold at dawn, the pain was definitely deep too.
The Worst Punishment Sessions for Performance during secondary school came in my A-Level school; the CRE teacher was the Roughest Enforcer. He even raised my eyebrows when he told my sister during one Class Day that I have a "poor handwriting". I swallowed my pride and allowed that to be the Only Complaint against me even though I knew I could write artistically on call; my classmates from O-Level knew otherwise, no debating! The beautiful Economics teacher meanwhile only placed the stick on my behind lightly twice for skipping her homework and writing small letters in my classwork book but the rest of the subjects were quite smooth-sailing. The only thing I did not like was the CRE Punishment Sessions as though we were in a primary school but I still enjoyed my two year stay at the hostel. Even though the warden was a hard-hitter who whipped hostelmates for taking long to leave the hostel, he never caned me even once but arrested me twice in S6 for other offenses: he made me kneel near the canteen for roaming outside the main school area during classtime and then also confiscated my forbidden radio from a roommate; I had to fetch it after completing UACE exams. I was never caught leaving school to watch Arsenal FC matches, a reprieve am very happy about while other lads were so unlucky.
At campus, noone whipped me for anything but a tutor once ordered me to stand up for the whole of her lecture because she claimed I was disrespecting her by talking and laughing. I was trying to enjoy her lecture with my fellow scholars but she saw through me in the wrong way. I served my time and that was it, no more unnecessary punishments!
I DO NOT FANCY ACADEMIC FLOGGING (Version 2)
The only Thing I hated about School was Academic Flogging; why whip someone just because they do not know the correct Spellings in English (their 2nd Language), Discoverer of the Smallpox Vaccine, President of Guinea Bissau or Square Root of 69, yada yada yada? I could stomach lack of Money, Hunger, poor Grades, unrequited Love from Girls my Heart wanted, Departure of Best Friends, Warnings, Sports Injuries, Bullies plus Enemies but hated Canes based on Marks with all my Blood. My Mother who was once a Teacher used to beat me for "Poor Handwriting" but I remember that by FIFA World Cup USA 1994, I was already teaching myself how to write the Times Roman Fonts used in Novels and Newspapers. I could not dislike her forever, she never aborted me, so she deserves my Respect! You can tell why I turned into a Graphics Designer and Logo Artist. However, my Abhorance of Academic Nagging by School Teachers started around P3 (in 1992). During P4, I remember being beaten for missing some Numbers in a Test or failing a Question that had just been taught despite getting 88 percent in Mathematics. Our Maths Teacher happened to be the School Music Mistress and she would whip literally everyone as long as you did not get 100 percent in her Tests which nobody scored. In the other Stream was Mr. Tusubira (SST) and Miss Techiba who were also brutal Floggers; I just heard about them, I never really tasted much of the Pain they inflicted. Neither was P5 relaxed though the tall Mr. Okutela (SST) did not flog us as much as I feared but Deputy Headmaster Okoth Ochen still scared me: He actually whipped me for not buying a School Tie yet I was healing from (twelve) X-Pain Injection Wounds and preparing to leave VNS forever. P6 had Mr. Bamwamye (Maths); I met him again after Graduation on Buganda Road many Years later and in my Mind I had a crazy Idea that he might have taped a straight Cane on his Back and pulled it out from within his Shirt to whip me like Bruce Willis taped a Pistol in Diehard (film), but I still shook his Hand. Luckily, that was not the Case. I left Victoria Nile School after 1st Term in P6 thankful that I had survived the P7 Canes coz the Candidates would stay behind towards Dusk after Classes ended at 4pm for Academic Whipping to run especially by the Headmaster Mr. Gawaya (Maths). Even his Surname alone spelt Danger like a "metallic Wire Cane". Having seen what he had been doing to indisciplined Pupils during the monthly General Assemblies on the Main Hall Stage, I thought I had really escaped Academic Flogging. The only Confrontation I had with Mr. Gawaya was during a Lunch Break in my Final Term at VNS. The Bell had rung for Afternoon Classes to commence but I continued arguing loudly with the Boys about whether there was a Statue of an Elephant or Giraffe at some Grocery Store on Main Street. I was sitted on a Desk and facing the Back, so I did not see the HM surface. Suddenly, the noisy Class became quiet and I realised that it was too late for me to hide when I turned around. I had to walk from the Back of the South Corridor to the Door on the North End where Mr. Gawaya was standing. He grabbed my left Arm, slapped around the Elbow while pinching it; the Pain was unbearable though I think Slaps on the Face might have been worse. That was like my Goodbye Punishment and also the first and last Time in six Years I had clashed with him. At least I was never going to receive his hot Academic Whips since my Parents were tranferring their Home to the Capital City. What I did not realise was that I was moving from the Frying Pan into the Fire, not Counter nor Fridge. At Kalinabiri Primary School (Ntinda), I do not remember my Performance during 2nd Term however at the End of the Year, I scored above 90s in English, SST and Science but a meagre 62 percent in Maths. Having heard from the P7s before us that there was a Firing Squad for Weekly Tests, I had to prepare for Whips by reading very very very very hard, more than I had ever done before. No Excuses; I was tired of Academic Canes. When I got Home for Xmas Holidays, I only took off my Shoes, picked a P7 Text Book (used by my Sisters who finished P7 at VNS before me) from the Bookshelf, put it on a Table in the Sitting Room and cut so many Numbers. I spent most of the Afternoon practising Maths. The Year 1996 had a Frontpage Newspaper Article about a Kid who was whipped to Death by a Teacher. I had already set my Mind to jump Canes by quitting my Footballer Dreams instead of running away from School and as my P7 Studies carried on, even the Class Teacher who taught us Mathematics called me in front of the Class for a Hug one Saturday Morning after I scored 10 out of 10 in his Class Workbook Test. He also hailed me as the "Most Handsome". Meanwhile, the Science Teacher used to call me his "Son"; my Secret was that I read ahead maximising my Time with Books like Introduction to Biology (which I later used in Senior 1) and a P8 Book from Kenya. For SST, I read Past Papers I got from my Sisters. Carrying on with my Role as Class Monitor from P6, I continued in that Post until the Teachers suggested that I should become Headboy. I prayed to GOD daily that HE should make me top the Class and HE helped me though I only read Psalms and Proverbs to gain Wisdom for my Head Boyship. I did not read much of the rest of the Bible. Throughout the Year, I was never whipped for Academics. Even the Teachers told my Parents that if I did not score 4 Points on 4 Subjects in PLE, they would take my Results from the whole Year and present them for me to receive a honorary 4 Points. Luckily, I got the Optimum Score alongside the Head Girl (Diana Namugalu). During Mocks in the Middle of the Year, I got 8 points but was still the Best in the School alongside Denis Lubowa. Remember, the last Time I was the 1st in my Class was Way back in P1 (1990) and I shared that Position with two other Friends. Basing on what transpired in the next five Classes together, I must say I was the 3rd in that Tie. I left VNS as 7th in the Brainiacs Stream (out of 3 Categories); I tried coz I was usually below that Position. I would play in 1st and 2nd Terms but focus and read very hard so that I gain Promotion. When I got to Senior 1, I relaxed because I believed Academic Canes had reduced. Also, I was competiting against the Best Brains in the Country and could not be Number 1, my Envelope had 31 which meant there were Students before me in the pecking Order. However, I did not care as long as my Bums were not whipped for not cramming and knowing some ancient Facts. All I wanted was Promotion to the Next Class and Money-making Skills...
WATERPROOF BEDWETTING
As a kid, I thought I used to sweat profusely in bed. Then in the early 90s, my father warned me that he would start whipping me if I did not stop bedwetting in my cot. Fortunately, he never whipped me for bedwetting (only for stealing money from the drawer) but neither did I stop bedwetting despite using a red waterproof material below my sheets. It's not like I bedwetted on purpose; who does that? It's not even something to be proud of. In O-Level during load shedding one night while waiting for the Quadrangle gate to be opened, I heard schoolmates say that people who bedwet should not even pocket. That's funny! I did not feel ashamed to be labelled a bedwetter but my immediate classmates were still respectful. A mother in the neighbourhood once threatened her bedwetting son that she was going to report him to his classteacher so that he can be shamed infront of his classmates. That does not work, in fact it might just aggravate the problem. There have to be other ways to deal with the issue. A classmate who used to bedwet during O-Level told me while we waited for our admission letters to A-Level that during S4 vacation, he went for an operation that solved his problem. Myself, I never went for one because I realised I bedwetted less while at home on holiday because I was not stressed by academic pressure. I started boarding school in P6 second term and at first, I never used to take my soaked mattress out. The multi-coloured mat under my mattress would start changing texture to brown. One day, the matron took out my beddings for me after morning lock-out and I knew I was busted. Even when I became Headboy, the appointment could not help me stop by default. I only slept on the lowest bed once, also once in the middle but twice in the top third. Kids would refer to me as the Headboy who doesn't bathe, even threatened to report me to the Headgirl. I made up for all this tension by reading very hard and rounding everyone while waiting earnestly for the imminent day I would leave primary school; even the classmate whom dormmates referred to as my girlfriend knew that I bedwetted. In secondary school, the problem continued but that's when my mother offered to help. She told me she was praying for me to stop and advised me during holidays to try drinking the water or morning dew that accumulates on the leaves of yams that grew in the compound. I don't know how they help because I did not stop bedwetting immediately. Another solution was to tell somebody to wake me up in the middle of the night every night. It just seemed inconveniencing so instead, I opted for an alarm clock I would set for 2 and 5am. I also asked GOD to wake me up at those times so that I could ease myself but still continued to bedwet some nights. In S2, probably my Worst Time as a bedwetter, my mattress would fall down from the washing bay wall (probably pushed by someone) and the water used to clean upper toilets plus urinals would run through it. I would have to hang it up again and sleep on the bedsprings made comfortable by a blanket beneath me till the following night. My mattress had to dry under a roof instead of the open cloth-hanging lines because if rain suddenly fell, there was no way it could be retrieved; the Quadrangle gate would be locked from morning to evening. I could not sleep on someone else's mattress lest I wet it too like I did in P7 during kiromo (Last Supper). Othertimes, when students showered in the evening, my mattress would be wetted as they threw water from their basins. Consequently for S3 and 4, I decided to let go of my misguided pride and took my old red waterproof material I could put between my mattress and the bedsheets. One thing I would advise bedwetters or parents who have children that bedwet is to simply use a WATERPROOF MATERIAL: in 2016, one metre of Mackintosh cost about 15,000 UgX (that is 4 US Dollars only) but polythene might help as well. It's even used on hospital beds to prevent blood or other fluids from soaking the mattresses plus probably custom-tailored waterbeds. In P7, I saw one of the P6 kids with an entire mattress-cover sewn using that material. His was brown but they come in different colours. The youngun did not have to struggle with drying his mattress outside in the sun, he would just wash or hang out the bedsheets; I used to think I would outgrow the material so I never took my red metre-piece to school but was dead wrong. I would pray to GOD to help me stop bedwetting but still felt there were curses and demons stuck in me because the bedwetting couldn't end completely. Some nights, I would find myself in a tiring dream where I felt like I needed to ease myself and would just do it only to wake up on a wet bed; you feel like cursing GOD there and then but then remember that HIS Will is above yours. I would even start imagining that maybe it involved a succubus though bedwetting is totally different from a wetdream. Nevertheless, a spiritual solution is always welcome. My mum also advised me to drink less water late in the day (afternoon). It still did not work out especially if I consumed dinner like matooke or sweet potatoes which store water. Diabetes (Sugar disease) also causes people to urinate several times in the night but it has never been diagnosed in me. In S6 while still using my waterproof material, I told my deckermate below me that sometimes I bedwet accidentally, so if urine ever dripped, he should forgive me. He was very understanding and said he knew plus it was okay because the urine never dripped though one unlucky night I think the neighbour on the upper side got the end of his huge blanket wetted, did not smell bad though. Amazingly at campus, I did not use the waterproof material because I felt totally free. I had a feeling that pre-graduate school really boxed me in and stressed me out causing me to vent out the pressure unconsciously by bedwetting. Maybe bedwetting is a psychological disorder or a symptom of diabetes if not influenced by demons!
