Vision in a Box [4D Concept Stories to Explore (from 25:14 Hours/ 13 O'Clock)]...

Sizza
From Ediofe Hills to KLA Hills, Vietnam, Sudan, Onduparaka to the Ethiopian Highlands and beyond like a Hustler, you can call him "Sizza"! Inspired by the real life Arua footballer Caesar Okhuti: a sizzlingly talented, pacy and ambidextrous shooter on a Comeback Trail that saw him return in 2017 to the amazing Onduparaka FC who finished their maiden Premier League season as the Only Team Unbeaten at Home in the Ugandan top flight. He moved on to other franchises including Arua Hill Sports Club in 2021. Express yourself, the struggle continues, together we are kongolo. GOD is great...

Inzi
In 2005, three generations of Ugandans [X, Y and Millenials] born after the Munich '72 Olympics heard their National Anthem performed after an international Athletics event for the first Time. While they stand up to honour the First Female Gold Medalist from the Pearl of Africa, their Kenyan peers have seen their own many times before. Respect...

Ovakedo

Welcome to Anzi Amvu (pronounced "anji anvu" in Lugbara) = Children's Garden: Where great Plants grow! Ovakedo is a green fruit born on 9th June in Arua and his best friend Augbenduru is a loud, hardworking peach chicken egg born in Lugazi. Although delicate, she also bluffs a lot and even says noone can love her because she is different, but Ovakedo knows how beautifully outgoing and very helpful she is. They always try to avoid a strange thiefman with a knife outside the fence who asks them "What do you want?" because he can pin and take them away like he took yellow Banana one evening, he was never found alive again. Other friends from Vegetarua include Lemon, Lumbu, Water Melon aka Namboze, Cane, Pineapple, Sunflower, Kaka [aka Maize], Osuru [Beangirl] (rejected and thrown away but she grew up very beautiful), Lemongrass, Mengu [Mango], Ago [Pumpkin] aka Mao, Fene [Jackfruit], Mangada [Tangerine], Ondu [Sorghum], Funo [Groundnut], Tangawuzi [Ginger] from Jinja, Biringanya [Eggplant], Maaku [Sweet Potato (a twin girl, her sister wants to be a musician)], Tomato, Carrot, Pawpaw, Beetroot, Matunda [Passion fruit], Mayuni [Yam], Drika [Mushroom], Rice, Soyabean, Pea, Cocoa (from Bundibugyo), Jambula, Lorika, Mapera [Guava], Coconut, Date (an Arab), Strawberry, Onion (the Curvaceous One), (the ever-cool) Cucumber, Soursop (aka Brother Heart), Orange, Cassava, Chilli, Cabbage and Yam (Ovakedo's love interest who is quiet). Other Friends include Mr. Bee, Pasta, Cheese and Fish. Stickman is the Guard while ALEX, the Parrot is their school teacher: Stay in the Garden till Groceruation! JESUS is the Winnerman, the Winnerman all the time...
  
Buja Buja Man

What scares young'uns, is it the Kalabanda, Muzimu (Ghost), Musambwa, Adroanzi, Night Beast, Kakindaman, Witches, Gremlins, Jeepers Creepers, IT, Dragonman or the Boogeyman? Have you heard of invisible rats, unseen witches in the darkness or possessed nightdancers hitting people's roofs and doors for fun? Are they real or just Figments of Imagination? But who is the Buja Buja Man...

Jobless Brotherhood (The King Of Abadongo)
After eating rice and meat from a neighbour's Monday Evening Party, an unmarried JB (nicknamed "Jobless Brother") Lakidi does not feel well but is not worried by the slight fever, sweating, restless turning and mindbending visions he experiences every night. Afterall, he has gone through similar torment several times before and knows it always ends. On Saturday morning, he drinks ORS (mixing half a teaspoon of salt in one blue plastic-cup of water plus two teaspoons of sugar) and vomits out his lunch by sunset, cleans himself up but does not eat supper; he only swallows glucose made in Jinja. After a fair Sunday, he drinks lemon-flavoured ORS before sleep but with less water in a silver tumbler and feels very sharp pain on the right top of his head till sunrise. On Monday 18th November 2019, he struts to a construction site in Nakasero to look for work but the foreman is not there (gone on strike) though other workers are present and ferry materials through a back window. Lakidi helps them carry a few equipment while dressed smartly like an officeman in a longsleeved shirt but without a coat and tie. At the entrance, he greets three young men from his ghetto (Kenge, Jona plus Gero) and they tell him, "We have a job to do for M7!" Lakidi, a staunch NRM supporter leaves them there and heads downtown on a day when so many city workers including transporters and traders have gone on a Lockdown strike (with the Mission: Abandon streets and stay home to paralyse city). He finds the Minister for Kampala (Capital City Authority)'s tinted-window SUV with Giraffe interior parked in the middle of the deserted left lane of Jinja Road just before dfcu with the rear left door open; pedestrians walk beside it. Beti, the minister greets him, "My friend, what do you think someone needs to start a factory?" Lakidi replies, "Perhaps approval from Uganda Chemical, yes, Chemical Authority, then Uganda Business Society! Can I get a lift?" The spectacled Minister inquires, "Where to?" Lakidi says: Ntinda. The Minister's female driver chips in from the front, "Let him stay and wait at the same spot, I will return to pick him up!" The car is filled with people and the second last lady even says: We are full! The minister takes her seat and they drive off. However, Lakidi cannot wait, he walks away ahead. Feeling thirsty, he cuts right onto a murram road in a ghetto suburb that seems calm but reaching a dilapidated two-storeyed building on his left, he notices a man rise from behind the cracked rooftop wall shouting out, "Kabaka w'abadongo!" Suddenly, the street that earlier seemed deserted gets more faces and Lakidi stops walking. Lazy men in shabby clothes who had been lying down like zombies in the enclosed verandahs on the left, right and down behind him get up and seem as if they are about to pick stones and throw at Lakidi like the menacing man at the rooftop just because he is dressed for work. Feeling threatened by the strangers, Lakidi turns around and spots a man clad in a clean but untucked white shirt plus grey trousers disappear into a corridor; he runs down the junction after him and lands in plush surroundings that had just been developed. Immediately, Lakidi forgets about the hostile men on the other side, it's like he had entered a new dimension: Coming down the pristine, freshly-painted aqua blue and white 5+5 steps with the man he had followed was Mr. Ssali whom he knew and was very shocked to see, so he stops again. Lakidi overhears the disapproving man tell Ssali authoritatively, "Your state-of-the-art facility is required to be at the corner of a visible market and registered in four countries to get approval! Through the window glass, Lakidi sees Isaac, a lawyer friend he studied with in O-Level sitted behind a desk and is amazed for the second time in less than one minute, the walls inside are bright orange and glistening in the light from the bulbs. When Ssali and the Trading License Officer stop at the entrance door, Lakidi stretches out his hand to the man and pitches a fast recommendation for Ssali like a skilled Marketer without being asked, "Hi, my name is JB, as in John Bosiko Lakidi but I do not work here (pointing with his left hand at a sign that reads "The Fruit Company"). All I can say is that Mr. Ssali is a very hardworking man! He has been successful in a different business and am sure he will do very well in this one too!" On second thought, the convinced officer walks in to check the facility. There are two other men standing outside the door plus two ladies inside carrying plates of chopped fruits and chewing while walking towards the door. Ssali says nothing but seems impressed by Lakidi's intervention and gestures for him to come in and eat something fruity...

Suabo
Every King needs a Queen, so when you spot yours, make a Move without Fear; take a maximum Risk! Floods have washed away the soil infront of an abandoned white wooden kiosk, turned the land into a river-like swamp. Hasan Suabo plus his two friends Eyotre and his cousin nicknamed Shorts (because he loves wearing shorts) walk to a certain green area, they stop at a corner. On his left, Hasan spots a shapely, bombastic girl with a red band on top of her hair plus clad in a black skirt tied from her chest; she is the certified Joy of his Heart. He leaves his friends talking about the hills in the distance and tries to follow the beauty but she enters a small sky-blue gate in a compound surrounded by a tall wall fence. Unlucky, Hasan continues walking and passes through a mini forest that includes a huge mango tree on the farther side of the gate. He reaches the trading centre near the tarmac road, turns right and asks a vendor for two chapatis at 500 UgX each. The rollexmakers are packing the chapatis in a green kavera and bucket for sale elsewhere. Hasan pulls out his black kavera from the left pocket and puts in the two chapatis packed in a seethrough polythene. He presents a green 5,000 UgX note and the chapati man goes to the white-walled block supermarket opposite his tablestall to get change. Ama, the cabbage seller on Hasan's left picks a small cabbage from the heap on the ground and puts it in his bag for free. When Hasan turns to walk away, Ama tells his colleague, "That guy wants cheap things!" Hasan returns to his friends thinking about the radio news concerning the brother of his favourite local musician who had just lost a daughter in hospital. Two unknown women move towards the trading centre, Hasan feels the road is not dangerous afterall. He gives the chapus to his buddies and returns to knock at the gate, Suniyara opens, "Hi, are you looking for someone?" Hasan replies while shaking her hand and walking in, "Well, I want to ask for drinking water!" Suniyara locks the gate, goes into the house and comes back with a redtop glass jug plus a silver tumbler, Hasan is grateful. "My mother and aunt are about to return, they just went out to buy cabbage for my birthday salad!" Hasan is astonished and vibes fast, "Oh wow, what a coincidence! I've got a small gift for you, Happy Birthday!" Hasan hands her his kavera and when Suniyara looks in to see what she wants, she is excited. That very moment, her mum and aunt open the gate shouting, "Suniyara baby, we failed to find your cabbage, the sellers went home early today!" Suniyara calms their nerves, "No problem mum, my visitor here just brought me a very special gift!" Her mother addresses Hasan, "Nice of you, young man! Will you stay for her Birthday Dinner!" Hasan replies, "Thanks mum, but I have to get back home, it's getting dark!" The mother adds, "Okay, but at least, let my daughter get for you something to take away first!" The three ladies walk inside the house and the aunt mumbles to a smiling Suniyara, "He looks like a dude girls would fight themselves for!" Suniyara packs for him egg noodles with roasted onions, offals, spiced matoke and avocado on top plus cake. She also gives him a small purple-top Mirinda bottle filled with kwete, which her mother brews at their home. Her brother plays with his toys in the living room while the father is not yet back. Suniyara is only 14 but by the time she reaches 40, she has given birth to Hasan's three daughters. The fourth child came later...

Mabirizi Complex (Suicide Love)
Makerere University lecturers have gone on strike, she has been sent home from her campus hostel to her parents in Isingiro where the bananas have wasted away because of the dry season, she got raped and dumped by a boyfriend in a different course and Crane Bank where she keeps her savings has closed. Meanwhile on the other side of KLA, his Favourite Footballing Nation France lost Euro 2016 meaning he also lost a 500,000 UgX bet, his lover whom he wanted to marry left him for a richer man calling him a loser, he lost his job without being paid for seven months. Both youngsters feeling jinxed wish to commit suicide and coincidentally head to Mabirizi Complex to jump but a first encounter makes them realise that everyone has issues they must strive to cope with. Caption: "No matter how dark the night, the sun will rise again. Wait for the next sunrise! To keep from depression, smile!" Two years later, the 5 feet tall French scholar Peri who smells like milk and taller Nshuti are still together - clad in the latest Les Bleus (France Football Federation) jerseys with their customised names emblazoned at the back but numberless - and head to the Alliance Francaise/ Geothe Zentrum (French and German Cultural Centre) holding hands to watch the Russia 2018 FIFA World Cup Final. Nshuti's Best Friend Segirinya carrying a Nile Beer Bootle was not far from them. Story fades with soundbytes of "Come A Little Closer" by BRANDY and Antoine Griezmann scoring against Croatia plus jubilation by the Kampala fans gathered. Final Score: Croatia 2, France 4...

Drakonya
What's your Worst Fear? Is it HIV/ AIDS, giant spiders or witches? Choose one! Shawn has a crush on Mariana; she's very attractive and just the right size but his mother informs him that she was born with HIV. Now he has to decide between following his heart or his mind as she deteriorates in health. All their juicy kisses flash back hauntingly...

Hasma

She does not know her father. At age 11, she is raped by an older boy in the neighbourhood, but her mother hesitates to press charges since she is also a victim of rape; Hasma is her consequence. Hasma battles the depressing demons of mental illness until she overcomes them without counseling. Her mother struggles with casual jobs to educate her until she finishes S4. The academically-gifted girl ignores her UCE results, enrolls for a Catering Course and becomes a cook. Having lived with her mother in a rented house that leaks whenever it rains, Hasma is determined to change her life and starts up her own wooden restaurant with the slogan: We take care of you! Every day, Hasma hustles like boiled water and even washes her utensils with the help of two other women. On her 19th birthday (29th September), a wealthy stranger named Mavini who covertly enjoys her cooking for two months finally shows up bravely at her joint and humbly offers her a custom-built clubhouse with kitchen, restaurant and washrooms on just one condition that she would do a DNA test to ascertain if she is really his daughter. “Where have you been all my life? Not even your money can buy all the tears I’ve cried thinking I was cursed: no father, a struggling single mother, raped before I was a teenager! I used to pray that I could see my father for just one day, but you never showed up until my tears dried up.” Forgiveness heals so many wounds…

Dragon Man
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the Devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour..." - 1st PETER 5:8
Monday 1st July 2019: Two friends meet up at another friend’s pharmacy just before he closes at 11PM. He offers both free antibiotic medicine to drink from two small line cylinders and tells them that KLA has better medicines than the upcountry health units. Then he asks one of them, “Lule, how is your new Nyankole babe; she’s Katherini, right?” He replies: She’s juicy even though she has a kid with another man! The other friend - a grasscutter chips in, “But you man, why don’t you get married, always jumping from dame to dame like a grasshopper?”/ All the good girls are taken, and brideprice is too high - cows, goats, chicken, gifts, clothes, child support, etc yet you can hook up a suburb slut at as low as 500 UgX. You just buy her a sacket of waragi and she gives you her goodies. The more sophisticated ones may demand 15,000 UgX, but I cannot spend more than 20k for a doughnut!/ “Lule, if you add up that 20k with other 20ks, you get a lot of dime. Bridewealth is as low as 50k, the price of a ka-local goat! Aren’t you scared of STDs?”/ Na, I use protection. Sumbis should be 200 UgX only./ “I won’t judge you but don’t you think the Devil is using you to sin with these women? That’s fornication, infact adultery coz some ladies might be married. Then one day, he will kill you and drink your blood!"/ Stop scaring, the Devil is a myth! One of the friends switches off the TV (after it breaks off from the film entitled "Orphan" and shows an advert that Big Brother Naija has started) while the other still wants to watch. Suddenly, a black man appears outside the door but vanishes immediately. Lule, a haircutter asks: Did you guys see that? “See what?”/ A man stood at the door, he was in all black with a black cloak on his back. The Doctor is amused, “Hahaha, the drug you just took must be working on your eyes already! Don’t tell me you spotted black Superman!”/ Seriously, medic! I saw someone! He was right there!/ “I guess that means Time Out; we need to leave!” When they walk out and part ways, Lule pees in the dark by the roadside and spots a snake cross the path ahead of him. He switches on his torch and walks to his door very alert. However, the torch helplessly falls out of his hand plus dry cell jumps out; Lule feels like somebody touched his right shoulder. Scared that the black man might be following him in the darkness, he opens his door quickly and switches on the outside light. Then he picks his torch plus battery after seeing noone nearby and locks himself inside: Wu, that was close! A few days later, Lule hears from his Christian grasscutter buddy that their Doctor friend hanged himself. In his suicide note, he writes that a Dragon Man in all black convinced him to kill himself if he wanted eternal peace from all his problems. Next the Dragonman also tries to push Lule to do his will, but then JESUS appears and he vanishes...

Devil's Plan
She loses all her five children in the same car accident and literally becomes crashed in her mind, body and soul. All her life savings disappear and her three Closest Friends advise her to denounce GOD, but she does not curse HIM...

Ruthless
Psalm 46:1 "GOD is our Refuge and Strength..." Based on a gruesome true story, Jawi - an Alur from Zombo does not expect any tragedy on his Wedding Day and it transpires quite well. The year is 1994: An unknown serial killer is sent away at a party for misconduct but returns with his gun to kill 14 of Jawi's wedding guests past midnight including those sitted where he was sitted with his bride. Luckily, Jawi survives to hear from his Best Man what exactly happened five Minutes following his departure with his wife Ruth from the After Party... 

Spaghetti 
Cue in "Automatic" by SHEEBAH ft. SIZZA DICTIONARY! Caption: 11th October (International Day of the Girl Child). There’s no halfway house between intimacy and loneliness! Joana, a smart, juicy and angelic "White Beauty" from Italy at the School of Agriculture, Architecture and Art (SAAA) aka The Agri-archi-tists, decides to break up with her Black Ugandan boyfriend because she thinks he is cheating on her with a half-breed girl from another school: Boys stink and they don’t always act right! However, Ali cannot give up on Joana after promising that they will be together always! Love is delicious like spaghetti, either you let it go or fight for it: I’m Kintu, please be my Nambi forever; when I see you smile, am happy! Outro: "Leave (Get Out) Ugandan Reply" by JOJO ft. [MR.] AIKO…

Rasta
Turn your lights down low! Based on a true story from Jinja (Uganda), a dreadlocked guitarist is deeply in love with a chocolate-brown-skinned belle and spends a lot of lovey-dovey time with her. She tells him that she loves him, but she lies; rasta meanwhile loves no other woman more than her. Then, when the irresistably sexy Nyambura who fancies wearing knee-high brown boots plus black designer skirts elopes with a richer Whiteman, the heartbroken rasta throws himself into the riverwater at the Source of the Nile where he used to rescue people from drowning; some said he committed suicide while others claimed he went back where he came from. Too much love will kill you. Nyambura bleaches to look like a Muzungu because she is convinced that Whitemen are more caring than Blackmen whom she claims do not know how to show love...

 
Quadratics
The Quadratic Equation ax2 + bx + c = 0 does not factor at all. The Principle of Zero Products states that if the product of two numbers is 0, then at least one of the factors is 0; only sr + bi = 1! Brian endlessly expresses love to Atwooki but the suspicious 42 year old Member of Parliament sets him up for arrest by Police. Then Court sentences the 25 Year old student to two years in Jail for Cyber Harassment; he is later released on bail. However, is Brian's obsession about Atwooki worth the suffocation behind bars or should he find another woman to send love messages to? Love is a crime when romantic interest is unwanted but it's also a heavy burden on the lover's heart as Engels cry...

Goatville
"Welcome to Arua!" When Jeni dies after a party, New Guy feels like dying too! She is Sniggy’s mum, brown and cute. Sniggy is black and stubborn; he nearly chokes to death while young after eating a lot of cassava leaves. He is later taken away on foot as dowry. New Guy, the father, black and very furry with a goatee was just brought in from afar. Meanwhile, Nego is also brown; she loses two kids but births the playful White Prince before her death with his twin struggling in vain to come out. White is bottle-fed, grows stronger, moves around freely, almost chokes to death when a rope is finally tied around his neck and is later sold off; White Prince is the Most Goodlooking Of All Time, got some wonderful grey patches from his brown mum and black dad...

Shila

She is a true Ugandan, born (12th July) and bred plus descends from the Switzerland of Africa; Tribal Name: Agasha. Shila is bold, polite and hardworking; she loves food, fashion and visiting places. Her Favourite Bird is the Crested Crane because of its gracefulness. Chwa is her boyfriend. Everyday at 2:56PM, Shila stops everything she is doing to pray to GOD. Enjoy the Adventures of Shila from Kigezi to Sipi Falls and beyond! This is my COWntry…

Wasteful Son
#GODisgreat, first and foremost! Luke Anira drops out of Law School at UCU despite having ambitions of becoming a Policeman and asks his Mukono father for his inheritance which he padlocks in a blue metal Suitcase. Then he rents a muzigo in KLA and dumps the girl who always thought highly of him since he was 15 years old after she tells him that she's pregnant, "Luke, I always thought you were very intelligent but saying you don't want to see me anymore makes you sound like a fool!" Giving her some money for an abortion, he sends her away, "You cannot stop me from living la vida; not even GOD can stop me!" Luke spends his inheritance money on clubbing, betting, gambling, kasinos, porn, weed, drugs, pork, booze and prostitutes until he becomes poor. His landlord evicts him for unpaid rent of four months, "friends" abandon him and he gets a job feeding pigs. Finally, he comes back to his senses in torn clothes and telephones his dad via a borrowed phone to apologise. His father is very happy to hear from his son who was rumoured to be dead and asks him to return and sell fruits with him. Anira also asks Linda for a second chance and attends their wedding on Friday 17th March 2017 dressed casually in a black T-shirt, black trousers and black Timbaland sneakers while carrying his wife's white veil; she's in all white. Their son dresses like his father...

Father's Day
Sunday 21st June 2020: A poster of Michael Jordan hangs on the wall. MJ is lying on the floor clinging to a basketball and crying for his departed father after winning Chicago's 4th NBA Championship. Nakanwagi goes to the Kakaparaka Temple during the Coronavirus lockdown to pray for her sick father, she gives alms to a lame man at the gate. 9th hour at the Beautiful Gate of the temple, Petero and Joni go up together. The 40 year old lame man is still at the gate, he asks for alms. Petero says, "Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of JESUS Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" Petero takes his right hand and lifts him up. The man's feet and ankle bones receive strength immediately and he leaps, stands, walks and enters the temple praising GOD. All the people including Naka see the lame man who is healed and are amazed; they run to the porch named after Solomon. Petero responds to the people, "People of Kakaparaka, the name of JESUS has made this man strong. Repent therefore and be converted that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the LORD!" Naka approaches Petero and asks him to pray for her beloved, hospitalised, diabetic father awaiting leg amputation in Mbuya so that he heals completely. OUTRO: Ru Kristo engapi 'bo ri ni amani driceza, okpo, ori ako azini agaza fe azi MUNGU ni e'yo ewaru ma alia [Translated from Lugbara: The name of the risen Christ gives us authority, power, boldness and breakthrough in ministry challenges]...

Anna-than
In the evening on Monday 29th June 2020, Jonathan Drapari cuts right near the twin San Siro video halls and enters Osu Village. Outside a wall-fenced compound, he scoops a gold 500 UgX coin from the wet soil, cleans it with his fingers. Then he heads to a fairly well-stocked 3x3 metre shop on the West side to buy escort for Tuesday breakfast. The teenager sitted behind the counter in a soft white dress with scattered designs tells him she does not have what he's looking for, neither donuts nor eggs; the three eggtrays placed high up at eye level are empty. "I should have got eggs for my mum today, but didn't," she laments. Then Jonathan looks down at the counter table and sees the remaining five soft, immaculately white and golden-browntop buns, "I'll take these!" They are a perfect fit for his lucky coin. The shopkeeper gets the buns, walks round the wooden barrier to Jonathan's left and puts them in his black kavera. Jonathan notices that she is much shorter than him plus also very beautiful. She lights up the room like the sun, he falls in love with her that very moment. The lively young woman likes Jonathan too and speaks to him freely. Her younger sibling standing in the corner playing a handheld electronic game notices their chemistry. When the beauty walks back to her seat, Jona asks her what her name is and she replies, "Anna!" He tells her that he is Jonathan. After he leaves, the younger sibling jokes to her elder, "Sis, your new name is Anna-than, heehee!" Both giggle as the night gets darker; Jonathan returns to Wadriff Road and boards a boda-elec to take him to his home in Kakaparaka Village. Outro: "Mulamu" by JOEL SEBUNJO ft. MYKO OUMA...

Adam & Eve (The Kiira Family)

A collection of funny conversations (JOKES) between an inseparable cartoonish Ugandan couple residing in Jinja - Adam Kiira & Eve Nalubaale (who renamed herself Victoria after Lake Victoria because of the ominous serpentine meaning of her given surname), their family plus friends around Africa and the world. Cue in "Is It A Crime" by SADE! Adam, a transporter who dropped out of school in S2, meets Eve on his 23rd Birthday at her recently opened "2 Fish Restaurant"; she is also a Fishseller at Victoria Fish Store - her dreamjob which she achieves at age 20. A brief Conversation results into the exchange of phone numbers and two months later, they get married. The two lovebirds reside at Nile Crescent in Jinja with their 15 year old twin daughters KYOGA and KWANIA plus two sons ALBERT (12 years old) and NASSER who was born 11 years later and after Adam had a scandal with Victoria's stunning Ethiopian househelp. Love flows endlessly like the great River Nile [Nyanja etakoma]! Cue in "Jinja Road" by GANDA BOYS. "What therefore GOD has joined together, let no man put asunder!" - Mark 10:9

[KIIRA: Nalongo wange, is there an English word you cannot spell?
VICTORIA: I'm too faithful to spell "cheeting" or "chitting" correctly! Why do men love soccer?
KIIRA: First tell me why women love hair! Okay, since men go to barber shops, where do women go?
VICTORIA: Murmur shops!
KIIRA: Haha, that's funny!
VICTORIA: Can you keep a secret?
KIIRA: As long as you don't tell it to me!
VICTORIA: What do you mean?
KIIRA: When you tell me your secret, it ceases to be a secret; it becomes a tale to tell. 
VICTORIA: If someone leaves the city and goes to the village but fails to make it in the village, then where should they go?
KIIRA: They should go back to the city! When a Musoga becomes a parent, s/he becomes a Congolese; Omu-zaire, heehee!
VICTORIA: But if a Congolese is born in Uganda, then which country do they belong to?
KIIRA: Democratic Republic of Uganda...]

UG against the World
A retrospective transfiguration cartoon illustrating the history of politics in UG since around 1900, through independence in 1962, the different regimes and the new Constitution in 1995. Where were you during the 2012 Golden Jubilee of Independence? The story is narrated using an allegory of a United Nations Politball Cup Final between UG and the rest of the World, featuring all the presidents since Sir Edward Muteesa II to M7. Kabaka Daudi Chwa plays in goal for UG... [Watch Video Comic]

2017 Concept Art for the Block Owners Crest [by Aiko]

[Survival Football]
"One Game, two Teams, no Rules!" Every civilisation has found a way to pass time; the Block Owners discovered another, probably the Greatest Sport. If you cannot make it to the Big League, who said you cannot play the game you love whether on a plateau, near a hill or in the valley? Everyone's invited and a winner, get in the game and show your skills! Let everyone play! Just choose any side: East or West, run after the ball, tackle, dribble, head, shoot, score, celebrate, defend and let off steam, game over! Forget tomorrow; let's make this moment last (forever like Champions)! The "Block Owners" is a Solidarity Class of approximately 200 members who first gathered on Monday 3rd March 1997 at one of Africa's Best High Schools (actually 4th in 2018). During Season 4, Muganwa is the Spokesman of La BO Familia and he is guarded by Men In Black...

Teeth Can Lost [Part 1 to 4]
(These are stories from Tara to the rest of West Nile...)
PART 1: Suzan in Nyadri Town (NYT) borrows a leaf from her crafty 16 year old agemate Nantaba who fleeces men that advertise in the Lonely Hearts Page of Westniler Newspaper for fun. She calls Gregori who stays in Komendaku and tells him to meet her for Saturday Lunch at the Rockview Restaurant and Guest House in Tara. Convinced that Suzan is the One anointed for him, Gregori gives her the 50,000 UgX she requests as downpayment for their relationship to start. However, she lies to him that she is called "Maya". After the date Gregori pays for, she switches off her phone hoping he would eventually give up. Gregori calls her in vain for a fortnight...
PART 2: Gregori uses Maya's number to search online for her real identity, confirmed by the pictures he finds on facebook for the account named "Suzan Onyiru". Feeling cheated, he creates a false account with a pseudo name (C-Wine) plus profile picture and lies to Suzan from early Sunday morning that he is the elder brother of  D-Wine, her favourite Lugbara musician. Around midday, he tells her after building enough rapport that they are on a Sunday Expedition to tour Mt. Wati in a tour bus but stranded because of used-up fuel plus little money and the star is with them. He informs her that there are no mobile money points nor ATMs nearby but begs Su to quickly send 90,000 UgX to a mobile phone number, which is actually his second sim card bought from a friend and already registered in the friend's name, purportedly used by the manager of a small petrol pump in Cilio. He assures her that when they get back to Canaan Lodge in Kubala, they will collect part of the money they left behind and pay her back with interest. In fact, she can even take a photo with her idol plus receive his autograph. Happy that her dream of meeting her music icon was about to come true, Suzan sends the mobile money immediately but waits for a return call in vain until sleep overcomes her...
PART 3: When Suzan wakes up convinced that maybe her Sunday loss was just karma, she goes to a kafunda to meet Nantaba. Their former Headmaster at Nyoko Primary phones and tells her to deliver at 3pm the stationery he asked her to bring. A short, mysterious conman from Entebbe silently overhears Suzan telling Nantaba how she fleeced some lonely heart named Gregori and also got fleeced but had work to deliver to their former HM. Three minutes later, Gregori receives an SMS from an unknown number inviting him to buy affordable shares in Nyoko Primary at only 150,000 UgX. The money has to be deposited in a particular bank using the stated account details but the share certificate would be issued at the Headmaster's office around 3pm the same day after presenting the bankslip. Rushing to grab this opportunity, Gregori waits outside the Headmaster's office. When the Headmaster returns from his lunchbreak with his former student beside him, the three enter his office. The HM assures the hopeful visitor that the school was not for sale, he had been conned. "Wait a minute, this woman looks familiar, isn't this Maya!?" Gregori asks about the lady who had remained silent throughout. "No, this is my former student Suzan, she came here to deliver stationery I ordered from her for the school," the Headmaster replies. "Muke, so she runs a supplies shop? But she conned me three Saturdays ago," Gregori continues. Suzan defends herself, "I'm sorry dude, but I also got tricked yesterday!" Gregori laughs; Suzan and the HM are perplexed, "Mi gu a'dusi [Translated from Lugbara: Why are you laughing]?" Gregori now serious strikes a deal, "If you help me, track down, this mysterious shares conman, then I promise you, I will give you back your money! 40,000, right?" Suzan is speechless...
PART 4: "So, you are not D-Wine's brother?" Suzan asks Gregori in her shop. "No, I just wanted you to trust me since he's your Biggest Indigenous Star," he replies. Using internet banking, Suzan searches on her computer for the bank details of the account in which Gregori deposited the shares money and designs a fake ID Card for Gregori with the account owner's name but his own photo disguised by spectacles he never wears. He uses the ID to report a misplaced debit card to the trickster's bank at exactly 4pm and fills in the forms. Unsuspectingly, the bank issues him a new ATM card before 5pm and he drains the trickster's account that had 1 Million UgX in it accumulated from various cons. Gregori returns to the shop, generously pays Suzan 200,000 UgX for collaborating and tells her, "Money can't buy love!" She responds, "But, don't you want more dates?" Gregori is clearminded, "Of course I do! Question is: will you date me without fleecing me again?" Suzan concludes, "We will see shilling after shilling! Mi fe mani, ma fe mini [Translated from Lugbara: You give me, I give you], hahaha!" Both laugh into oblivion as the song "(Abakyala Bagala Kufa) More Money" by NAPOLEON plays...

P1G

A group of older pigs is called a Team, this is not about droves nor Primary 1, but tasty, unclean, toxic, forbidden haram talk, stuff of legion demons plus their exorcism. After pork, they move to P7 [for Malwa]...

2014
Win, lose or love! Love is so tough that you might never end up with your real crush, but what if you get a second chance? Ivan Mwanga is obsessed with his beautiful classmate Nina Iniru for three years. Unexpectedly, his parents move to a new town, so he never tells her. He does not see her again until 2013, a day before signing for a soccer club in her hometown where her big brother is the Greatest of All-Time...

Qing (China Affection)
Cue in "Angel Of Mine" by MONICA! One man's fake is another man's cake! In the 2017 to 2018 Arua High School PCM Class of 45 students (three columns, five rows of desks) is a Greek Muzungu girl, Arab boy, two Indians (one male, the other female) and a Chinese girl named Yin Wu amongst Black Africans mainly from Uganda then DR Congo and South Sudan. On the first day of school, the Science Classteacher appoints a Muganda Class Monitor who swiftly chooses two backbenchers to sweep the classroom after 5pm. Winston Kakayo, a 17 year old Lugbara dude tells the Chinese girl paired with him that he can sweep the whole class on her behalf and let her only carry the rubbish bin to the big dump-pit outside; Wu accepts as they converse about their countries and their tough PCM (Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics) combination ahead. They walk out of school chatting before shaking hands and parting courteously; Wu wears her red and yellow one-armed China bag on her left shoulder while Kakayo holds his three counter books in his right hand. The following month during one sunny breaktime, a noisy, carefree clique of Blacks sit in the right column of the class and reveal how biased they are against everything Chinese, "Most Chinese are short, poor, yellow peasants," one of them taunts Wu. "Why did you people abort your babies so that there was only one per couple before 2015? Couldn't you take care of more than one child? Don't you want brothers and sisters?" Another classmate says, "They do not even know English, the Indians are better than them!" A boy with an afro adds, "The Chinese make fake goods, fake boobs, fake bums like Faco (Figa ne sayizi), fake hips, kiwani hair, fake eyelashes, fake teeth, fake nails and fake electronics! Most of their exports are fake!" One girl concludes harshly, "They are just fake people, they don't even brush their teeth and bow to statues of an obese god!" Kakayo hears everything but says nothing; he feels for the non-responsive Wu who could be saddened by the negativity from her Black classmates. Wu's grades fall horribly to "F" for two weeks in the Friday Afternoon Tests; she is last twice and goes AWOL for about a week to read ahead on her own. When she returns on a Friday, the Classteacher transfers her to sit permanently infront of Kakayo (the Bwat from the last test she missed) in the middle column next to another Ugandan girl instead of her previous right corner. The final bell of the week rings and students (including the day's sweepers) walk out with the teacher after he collects the test papers; meanwhile Wu turns and asks Kakayo to lend her his books for the weekend. "Welcome back! Thought you were gone forever," Kakayo speaks his mind. "I realised that there are special things I like that can keep me here!" Wu responds and while handing her the books, Kakayo asks, "Like what?" Wu answers, "People like you who have not yet judged me as a stereotype!" Kakayo continues, "That's good, no one should actually define who you are; besides you look cute and your English is clear like H2O!" Wu laughs, "Hahaha, yeah right, but xiexie: that means "thx" in Chinese! Can you come to my place on Sunday, I will have finished copying the work I missed. I actually revised ahead, so I know what to expect." Vincent chips in, "Sunday is actually my birthday!" Wu concludes, "Very cool, just look for Qing [pronounced Ching] Apartments in Ragem, I'll be waiting for you, bye!" Kakayo heads there on Sunday afternoon and finds a Chinese babe who resembles Wu unpegging clothes from the laundry line; he greets her confident it was Wu while "Nali Simanyi (Balongo)" by AK47 plays in the background. "Kaka," a stunned Vincent hears Wu calling him from a balcony upstairs; he soon discovers that she shares her self-contained upper-storey crib with two Chinese babes - her identical triplets. A poster of the New Vision Twins Festival hangs in their living room. They serve Vincent chicken and pork-fried rice plus chat while watching "What Happened to Monday (film)" on Startimes TV from 5pm. At the end of his visit around dusk, Wu offers Kakayo a Chinese wind fan as a rememberance gift. Back at school on Monday, the Classteacher returns test papers from the previous Friday test dropping each at the owner's desk. Getting to Wu who scored "A", he tells the class to clap for her, "Wu, this was a super-excellent improvement from your last two tests; you are actually the Best this time!" Next is Kakayo's paper, "Well done, again!" Wu looks behind to see Kakayo's "A" mark, "Congs, buddy!" Sola - Kakayo's deskmate on his left - is a ladies man like a babe magnet because he talks freely with females and he takes time off after lunch to find out something, "Wu, look behind for a moment!" She turns to face him, then he poses a question to Kakayo, "What is the Most Perfect Part on Wu's body, isn't it the lips with lip balm?" Kakayo replies without blinking, "No, everything is perfect, original and designer!" Wu smiles and looks back to the front. A real man just can't deny a woman's worth. Story ends with the song "Learn Chinese" by JIN ft. AYEESHA and WYCLEF...

Dilemma

At an open-air home party in Wobulenzi, youthful boys ask girls to dance with them as music plays in the grass compound and each one accepts. Ben confidently approaches Aciru and expects her to agree like all the other babes but she assertively says: NO! Dwarfed and humbled like garbage, he turns to his left to try and ease off the rude rejection; Ben feels like he has just rammed into a tree at full speed. Two minutes later, Sara - a young village nurse with a Coca-Cola figure in an all-white dress suddenly approaches him and tells him, "Let us connect!" Ben committedly follows her soukous moves as they dance the dusk away; he can even smell her treated puff-hair, no complications. She's like medicine. They share happiness: Ben brings her a Sprite soda and they chat about medical gloves and plasters as he sits on a high wooden stool; it's 10 minutes past 8pm. Later that night, Ben offers her 30,000 UgX just for being sweet-tempered and changing his sour night. They part in opposite directions even though Ben wants the chillaxed moment to last forever. A dude she probably knows comes and sits next to them but focusses on his smartphone while facing the other side...

LOVE Con-sult-ants
Love don't cost a thing! Money can't buy love, but it improves the chances by 21 percent. What is LOVE? Who do you ask for advice about Love, or do you have your own personal definition? Is Perfect Love all about money, booty, fashion, jewels, hair, social status, sex, cars and property or appreciating someone the way they truly are? There is no halfway house between intimacy and loneliness! Mu bagalana, tosayo kikyo [Translated from Luganda: Between lovers, don't put in your view]! Love is Love; sparks will fly! When you see two Lovers, don't hate but throw Flowers! Cue in the song "Disappear" by HOOBASTANK and the words: "Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude..." - 1st CORINTHIANS 13:4!

Caption: Saturday 24th June 2017. "Joni, Joni," Cecilia Nakatungulu calls out from the upper container deck, "come and hold your ladder for me!" The early-rising, fresh and clean, young football fanatic dressed in all-white with round, black neck plus sleeve-ends gets up from his sofa below and stands at the base of the black steps, "The steps are firm, don't worry about falling, you're safe!" She descends backwards pantiless in a teasingly short, hotpink summer dress while slowly holding the slanting ends of the steps; Joni gets a saucy glimpse of her nakedness (lovely behind plus bewitchingly thick, chocolate brown legs). He exclaims quietly, "Oh my, what a glorious kabina, like heaven on earth; I may have to pay insurance for her spicy-hot asset!" Cecilia hugs Joni warmly, "Happy Birthday, Sukari" rubs his back, presses her soft, busty breasts against his chest before they sit on the red sofa together to watch Ugaflix on a 21 inch flatscreen where a fat woman is eating a small cake. Cecilia holds Joni's right hand from under with her tender left palm while placing her right palm on top and confesses, "You are my number one friend; I care about you! We belong together! Some people say am a slut, but it's not true. If you remain the same, you will be perfect, a VIP!" Joni replies, "Thx Cecilia my Queen, you too are very kind and beautiful like diamonds! By the way, when I woke up, I saw the blue raincoat gift you bought for me, very grateful! Nothing's going to change my love for you. I want to ask you something very delicate but maybe another day before the year ends." Cecilia responds while kissing Joni on his right cheek and gently touching his right inner thigh then chest with her right hand, "I know what you want to tell me! You could have said it under the mango tree at the sportsfield or last night when we made love." She gets up to go to her pink bag, "Do you have anything to drink, besides water? Last evening before coming here, I made you a surprise Azam rollex, your favourite, and spiced it with chicken meat." He responds while smiling, "Yeah, very cool! Thx Love! We can share the big Splash Pineapple in the fridge!" Cecilia picks it and pours some for herself in a yellow cup, leaves the remainder for Joni. "Business is not booming like it used to. Tomorrow, I'll be going to Magufuli's country for seven days to buy some stock for my employer's store," Joni informs her. Cecilia accepts, "It's okay, my darling! Just keep in touch! Work is also getting hectic for me these days." She gets a golden Mazike (50,000 UgX) banknote from her bag and gives him, "This is for your transport!" He is grateful, "Thx, Cecilia!" Joni munches the rollex. Cecilia sits close to him and lovingly holds his waist like there is no tomorrow, a warm cuddle moment to last forever until scene fades. Throughout his time in Tanzania, Joni does not call Cecilia, only sends one SMS to report he reached safely and wishes her well throughout the week, but returns to relax at their occasional meeting place in Bukoto. While walking out through the gate of Kabira Country Club, Joni looks behind instinctively and sees Cecilia, his one and only girlfriend with her three close money-hungry friends (Moni, Mula and Senderu nicknamed The Consultants and Board of Directors) at table on the second floor. Unseen, he phones her and she accepts but the friends don't want her to pick up his call advising: "He is unreliable and poor! He has no car and sleeps in a shipping container like a vagabond; what kind of house is that? He spends his meagre income on pork and alcohol instead of investing. Sister, if you are already carrying his baby, then abort!/ Did he call you while on his trip? If that ka-boy does not have enough change in his pocket to phone you everyday, then dump him already like gasiya! No money, no love, girlfriend! It's better to cry in a Range Rover or Lexus than a boda boda. He supports KCCA FC while you are an SC Villa fan, stunt on him! What property does that ugly idiot have?/ He might even be cheating on you in this one year you've had something going on with him! Dogs are liars! His mother sells stuff from a basket on the streets, in fact his parents broke up and you might as well break up some day. You need an older boyfriend in your league, yasirana [He is cursed]. He eats from a very cheap, low-class, haramu kafunda. Why would you want to be a cook and maid for someone's poor son who stays in a slum..." Joni hears everything via phone, ends the eye-opening call, crosses Kira Road and boards a taxi to Wandegeya from where he connects to his 20 by 16 feet double-storeyed black Smartbox container pod in Bwaise. Joni later smses Cecilia: "Hello, how are you? I'm back, missed you! I love you, I need you; there's noone better than you! Your friends say I ain't right but you know we go together like day and night! Bakugamba ebigambo mbu tonsanira... Olugambo butwa [They keep talking way too much saying you should give me up... Gossip is poison]..." Cecilia does not reply. Cue in the song entitled "Been Calling" by MALEEK BERRY! After two months of trying too hard to call Cecilia who ghosts him, Joni gets a bombshell when she finally picks up and bluntly informs him that she has a boyfriend, "It's over; you're fired! For your information, yesterday I aborted your twins in my womb. I pity the woman who will marry you; how can you sleep on a bed made from eucalyptus stems! You probably stole the timber from a construction site. I cannot date a Liverpool fan, your team has not won the title since 1990; even Manchester United that had less now has more. You are just like Loserpool." Immediately after Cecilia hangs up, Joni gets a call from his boss, "Hello Semogerere, how are you today?" Joni answers, "I'm not fine, boss! I feel dead, broken to pieces; my sweetheart just switched up on me and it's hard to breathe right now. I had bought a ring from Tizi with one big blue diamond at the top and three small ones beneath it but now I cannot propose to her. Ceci confessed that she aborted my twins yesterday; I did not know she was pregnant." Boss consoles him, "Don't worry about spilled milk; she's so yesterday! Just come over to Club Juba right now to pick your Million plus 200,000 UgX shopping voucher! Bibawo! Abawala banji abalungi [These things happen! Good girls are many]. You will find her Substitute and get back up like a Phoenix!" Cue in: "Bakyaawa" by FRESH DADDY. Joni steps out of his pod and boards a red tuktuk emblazoned on the glass with "Liverpool" carrying a cute young woman. She breaks the ice, "Hi handsome!" Joni also acknowledges, "Hi beautiful!" She adds, "I like your T-shirt! Where to?" Joni replies, "Club Juba." Joni's white T-shirt has the KLA logo emblazoned in black fonts at the front. The free-spirited, Baraka-perfumed stranger in a yellow pullover continues, "Me too, I applied there last month and have been called for a job interview." Joni nods his head, "Cool, the owner is actually my boss, nice to meet you!" She reminds him of a girl he once knew. Quote: Speak now or forever hold your peace! Story fades out with "Kyendi Kyendi" by TOKI WRIGHT ft. SYLVESTER & ABRAMS...

Gari Ogwo [The Bicycle Thief]
A Congolese dressed in a TP Mazembe jersey leaves his bicycle outside a certain lady's kiosk in Awindiri and goes to pump pressure in a customer's tyre. When he returns, he finds the bicycle missing and asks some men sitted on the fallen tree log next to a nearby kiosk. They deceive him that they do not know; so he starts pushing out air with his bicycle pump as the culprit's left leg swells in unison until he confesses... 

Mawa azini Asindriza (2019)

SWAGA - She Wore A Green Attire (In The Merry Month of January)
Cue in "Lazy Man" by V CLICK ft. RAPPA BLUTIT; Intro Credits: Wednesday 9th January 2019, 11AM. Samuel Andrew Mawa, an Engineer at WENRECo meets Peace Asindriza, a beautiful 29 year old Lugbara babe who works as the Solar Task Manager at Arua Current (The Solar Supermarket). From Manibe to Awindiri, noone is more exciting than her: accommodative, sweeter than honey, superfly, fresh and clean, very fashionable in a simple white T-shirt and decent yellow lesu wrap, a Fair Lady, pretty-happy and electrifying like lightning, only talks when it's necessary, calm like burnt bricks, heart-mending like a gypsum-based Filla from Sublime Industries Ltd, good-natured, does not complain nor frown, looks out to see how you are feeling, just a perfect woman, an Engel; Mawa adores the way she laughs! Like energy from brand new Motoma super-heavy-duty Size D batteries or a wireless, all-black headset mp3 + FM player on Mawa's cleanshaven head, Asindriza is a quality companion, love at second touch, no harassment! She sits with Mawa at a restaurant near Hotel Pacific (Adumi Road) like a hawker and hands him a "Solar Goodies" leaflet. Mawa pays only 1,000 instead of 2,000 UgX for his brunch comprising boiled sweet potatoes and tea. With a green hood covering her natural hair, no makeup, Asindriza is loyal in her dealings like a fan of The Caterpillars who does not make a U-turn after Onduparaka loses 3-0 at Vipers FC in exactly the middle of the season. She is flexible enough to adjust and face the difficulties of life: diversions and miscommunication. Where can one get a woman like this one? She's captivated by him even without saying it in words and he loves her very much. She's definitely the Sweetest Woman on Earth, from Ociba Coast to Ediofe (Pajulu) Road T-Junction and beyond. Classes, levels and insults do not phase her. Asindriza is the one whom his soul loves, the Fairest among women: beautiful, flawless and radiant; her hair is puffed like a flock of goats running down the slopes of Arua Hill. Her friendship is better than an agofe's best wine, her speech is sweet like concentrated mango juice. Does she have honey under her tongue? She's altogether pleasant, desirable and bright as sunrise. Her cheeks are like halves of a passion fruit. In Mawa's eyes, she is the one who brings peace and her first name is fittingly also Peace. Crispy SWAGA: If the Sun loves you every Day, then why worry about the Stars nor Moon? If you cannot get what you want, then make sure you want what you get; have a Solarlamp-lit Dinner, dance in the Load Shedding or wait till the sun is up, stress free and superhigh! Outro Soundtrack: "Ma Leta (My Love)" by G ES SWAGGER (aka GA SWAGGA)...

Funter
"When I grow up, I want to become a fisherman, cruising the Latest Canoes..."

Centurion Hospital
There's Short Wave Radio, Satellite TV, Remote Control, Mobile Phone Telecommunication, Bluetooth, Facebook Zero, Mobile Money, Zoom Meetings, etc but why can't People be healed or resurrected from a Distance in the Name of JESUS? Is the Frequency Modulation of our Faith not strong enough or are we too much of tainted Sinners for GOD to work Miracles through our Prayers from far away? By HIS Stripes, we are healed from all the 39 World Health Organisation (WHO) Diseases. Are you sick at home or admitted in hospital? Just call on Doctor YESU, HE can even heal you from a Distance like the Centurion's Servant (Matthew 8:5-13, Luke 7:1-10 and John 4:46-53) via Remote Healing...

Martin, Slave To Money
"What is Depression? My name is Martin and I know what depression feels like; it's the bottom sole of a shoe, down at the bottom and stepped on. Life is a war! I used to work in a footwear-making factory but now stay with my parents plus two kids. You cannot choose your parents; my dad is a drunkard and always points out my faults. He wants me to find a better job than shoework; Like a Slave to Money, I would leave early in the morning! It took me more than 100 minutes to walk from home to the factory. My wife left me for other men because I did not give her much money yet I also accumulated debts. Fortunately, my mother and kids are my Biggest Comfort. Two carefree, former workfriends also give me a reason to keep on keeping on; they plan to start their own Buji Shoe Company and promised to hire me. I have no right to get angry with GOD, but one day I got so suicidal that I called a meeting to help me get through my pain. I sat with my mum at the bigger table while Philip Bujingo and his jolly lover (Birthday Girl in a red dress) Precious sat in the corner at the kids table; Dad was in town, the kids were at school." Suddenly, there is a knock at the door and in walks a famous rapper whom a surprised Martin had last met over a decade behind before his ephemera quietened in the country. He says that he was directed to their house and has come to see Martin. He can still remember him, "My nigga! When I started singing, you were one of my Hugest Fans, you promoted my first lines as dope while radios dissed me. So I left Uganda for The West. Now am back to do some local projects." The rapper sets to go out but then returns, pulls out a bundle of 10 red 20,000 UgX notes from his coat and gives Martin's mum, "Thank you, mister! GOD bless you more!" He then pulls out another similar bundle and gives Martin. Buji and Precious are starstruck and beg Martin, "Give us at least 30K!" but he plans to give them only 20,000 UgX to share; Martin's smile is back. Outro Caption: Honour your Father and Mother! Fade out with: "Don't You Worry Child" by Swedish House Mafia ft. John Martin...

Power Is Back
Amasanyalazi negagenda [Translated from Luganda: Power went off]! The year is 2015, it's the Copa del Rey [Spanish King's Cup] Final. Athletic Bilbao is frustrating Barcelona especially Messi after Kickoff with strong, determined Marking, no letting up. In the 20th Minute, tired of the Niggling, the Little Argentine gets the Ball near the Centreline and starts to dribble hard, one, two, three, four Players. As he sets himself to shoot past the fifth Opponent and outstretching Goalie, Power goes off and the viewers in the Hall express their Anger...

White Aunts
Why are whiteants black? Because they sunbathe. My uncle marries a muzungu, and all her sisters become my onya...

Froots
The seeds of a tree do not fall very far from the parent plant...

Heaven v Hell [Judgement Hoops]
This is the ultimate B-Ball playoff Final: one Game, one Winning Team; choose your side!

6:66 AM (Women, Arsenal, Computers)
Intro: "He causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their foreheads. And that no one may buy or sell except one who has the mark or the name of the Beast, or the number of his name..." - REVELATION 13:16-17. Cue in: "'Tis So Sweet To Trust In JESUS" by CADET SISTERS. Based on a true story: Tuesday 6th June 2006, a park-bound taxi drops ED off at Shell Kampala Road and he walks past Mabirizi Complex to climb up Siad Barre Road. When he reaches the Buganda Road Junction between Boston Restaurant and Central Police Station (CPS), Ed turns left entering another dimension. It's six minutes past 7 O'Clock in the morning and Ed is walking to his uncle's computer officeroom at Daisy's Arcade on Buganda Road but an angelic voice behind him informs in his right ear: You are about to meet the Devil! Ahead, coming towards him alone on the sidewalk is a redskinned man grinning in a white T-shirt and red trousers but barefoot. Unusually, there is no other human in sight nearby, only stationary vehicles. Ed cuts right through the parked cars and crosses to the other end of the oneway street that has two lanes. During the 90s, Ed wants to acquire magic powers from Lake Victoria and also prays for early death. From 2003, he wishes he knows what the Devil is masterminding against him so that he can sidestep him. Thrice in the past, he prays to the Devil, but now doesn't want anything from him. In his pocket is 5,000 UgX he plans to offer as tithe during lunchhour in a church fellowship he attends but knows nothing much about. He had unknowingly gone to look for a job at Cineplex Cinema which is adjacent to the Devil's altar at DV8, and found a gathering led by a former witchcraft practitioner (omusezi) turned prophet. Ed who was born and baptised Anglican thinks, "Why not look for the Blessing of the City from here? It hurts nobody!" The olive oil smeared on the forehead of congregants smells weird, the pastor calls his church a business and is listed as one of the false preachers who get their powers from the Devil, but Ed is attracted by his undoubtable prosperity gospel. Whenever Ed goes for the fellowships, he feels water drop on his forehead from the ceiling. After the fellowships, he seems to make strides forward but then hits a deadend. Sometimes he passes by a Pentecostal Church and Catholic Centre because of the friends and library but also genuflects before an altar statue when entering and leaving their chapel just like he was taught in his Ordinary Level Catholic School, even though he knows the 2nd Commandment says: Do not make nor bow down to idols! Othertimes, he gets texts from the girlfriend he got after making a request to the Devil to pick for him one; she is torn between him and her Ex-boyfriend. Jay who drives a white Mitsubishi SUV warns him, "When you find out the Devil's secrets, he will kill you!" The Devil walks around like a roaring lion looking for whom to devour; he comes to steal, kill and destroy. GOD would not let him sift Ed nor take his soul. Cue in: "Number One" by JUDITH BABIRYE! Flashback Vision in black and white: A dragon pushes Ed from the back but JESUS suddenly appears and the beast flies away; then JESUS hugs Ed. The first day Ed attends a Sunday service in the main church of Pastor Magezi who is believed to turn into a frog, a buxom brown-toned lady in a skimpy red-orange dress with glitter all over her cleavage and thighs sits on his left. As a kid, after being shown a blue movie by a young couple at Naguru Flats, Ed tells his Best City Friend named Captain who stayed with his parents in the same condominium as he did with his own hundreds of metres away that he plans to start the First 24/7 Porn Station in Uganda. "Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer, come to me!" he prays while looking at a switched off TV screen around 1995-6 and expects the Most Beautiful Angel to appear but it does not. At age 13, Ed starts jerking off, then turns into a savedee at the end of the year ending his Porn TV setup dreams. By the middle of the following year, Ed becomes an Arsenal fan. In 2001 he looks up to the sky while returning home from his Bukoto friend Ogwal's place and cusses, "Fuck YOU, GOD!" for letting his team lose the FA Cup Final they were leading, but immediately apologises after worrying that GOD might make worms eat him up immediately like Ananias and Sapphira plus drop his corpse in the public well where his family fetched water. In his new Advanced Level School, he is belittled by a classmate who keeps telling him, he's "daft, stupid, fake and boring" plus lists for him three topics to talk about whenever he converses with him. At first, Ed asks GOD to shush him but since nothing happens, Ed looks behind and tells the wannabe bully in his face, "I will bury you!" Ed then prays to the Devil to possess him and numb his conscience so that he kills the condescending classmate. After lunch, a white round bright light opens in the clouds and a voice whispers in his thoughts, "Forgive!" Some years later, Ed wants a laptop, but is conned of 150K (a quarter first installment of the full price) at Pioneer Mall (Kampala Road) by a short man who uses winds [empewo], claims to have returned from a UPDF mission in Iraq and stays in Entebbe. Ed leaves the cinema fellowship and goes to Pride Theatre, tithes 2,000 UgX, gets anointed with a pat of olive oil in his right hand by a female Pastor who is also accused of being in league with Satan and two weeks later is called for a project outside the city that pays for his first laptop which he returns to buy in the city at a Kampala Road Tower's basement. It gets infected with viruses repeatedly. So Ed gets a dragon desktop computer instead from Milworth Computers, but then leaves everything behind and shifts to another city. Outro: "Nothing But The Blood Of JESUS" by Deitrick Haddon. End credits: Do not sell your soul for material wishes! The Funniest Joke that Satan and his Advocates have ever cracked is that GOD has no money, nor wealth. The Devil must die...

Paraa Ball
A Primary 7 PLE finisher in Arua and two of his friends go on a tour in the jungle near Paraa with Irene Ntale. Suddenly, a pride of lions attacks and carries all four of them to their cave den using their terrifying mouths, place them on one end, sit on the other and just stare at the humans. One of the perplexed boys remarks, "Maybe the lions just want to watch us sing!" Irene assures him, "I can handle this!" Then she sings "Gyobera" with her great voice, though hoarse and husky when relaxed but lovely and the lions get up to dance...

Adia

Cue in "Mash My World" by TK LOVE ft. D'WAYNE GABANA. Yusufu brings home sweet potatoes in a big green kavera bag and tells his irresistably attractive, darkskinned friend with a nice figure named Adia to make for him mutere [dried potatoes]; she uses a handheld grater. Meanwhile, she serves him rice, meat, whiteants and 500 millilitres of Oner Mango Juice Drink (from Riham) in a bottle for supper. Yusufu is a laid-back oil broker for Imperial Company and he admires Adia, that's why he begs her to cohabit with him; she accepts. Adia, a hardworking Catholic Christian, takes care of his rented residence at Mvara Apartments like an angel while he does his work across West Nile in his green Subaru; Yusufu pays her with his funds. Tuesday 5th June 2018: Rain falls and a team of youthful constituency ladies from the "Health Freedom Movement" where Adia part-times come to sensitize tenants about various health issues including alcoholism, smoking, sanitation and family planning. Two young women stand on Yusufu's left, with "Freedom is now..." emblazoned at the back of their grey T-Shirts; one is clad in a black hijab while others are on the right. They talk a lot while the quiet Yusufu - a regular drinker, with his back to the left frame of a neighbour's door in a rose-red pullover, says nothing. Adia in the centre of the closed door, wearing a charcoal-black and blue Inter Milan jersey and snow-white skirt, jumps closer to Yusufu when a tenant unexpectedly opens her door inwards to find out what's happening. Several evenings later, Yusufu finds a dangerous-looking South African blackman behind his house under a mango tree and grabs a dried sorghum stem to chase him away. Adia wearing a sky blue jumper and black skirt surfaces suddenly, sees the intruder, assists Yusufu by picking up another dry sorghum stem and the assailant runs away. Whenever Yusufu does not spend nights at home, Adia worries that thugs might target his property. Jaded by the tiresome housework after seven months with him, lonely nights and Yusufu's unending drunkardness, Adia desires to leave but stays. One dark morning, two thugs in black attire suddenly attack Yusufu, he kicks them away but Adia finally decides to desert him and go to another town because she feels unsafe and unable to commit to a drunkard. Outro Song: "Adia" by BLACK HARMONY...
 

Golufu
Friday the 4th, it's not an unlucky day but rain suddenly falls for four minutes from 9:11am. Shanita dressed in all-black stops training golf alone as she usually does and runs to get shelter from one of the trees at the Kitante Golf Course. Dru who had been watching her silently walks up to her and boldly asks if he can play golf with her or carry her golf bag. Stunned, she questions, "Where is your equipment? So, you not only want to play with me but also become my caddie?" Dru replies, "Yes!" Shanita continues, "But I do not know you, what if you are a snake?" Dru defends himself, "Hahaha, hell NO, I have watched you try hard to win tournaments, maybe I can be your caddie, if you do not mind!" After thinking for a short time, Shanita speaks, "If I tell you to fetch mayi golufu bolls, will you do dat?" Dru replies, "Of course!"

Gutter
Going out for breakfast, Oti dressed in a red, yellow and black palm beach shirt plus khaki jean trousers converses with his sweet-smelling workmate Lekuru clad in an all black blouse plus trousers and holding a grey-white phone. They walk on one end of a macadamised Weatherhead Park Lane as she laughs at his smooth jokes and vibes; Oti feels happy and comfortable around his obsession after she requests him to teach her how to play pool (or snooker) and its rules. But when he playfully grabs her right bum, Lekuru's mood changes so unexpectedly that she pushes Oti into the roadside trench on his left. It's like he had just assaulted her sexually and she felt wronged, "Tojikwatako! [Don't touch it!], nyox!" Oti gets soaked in the mudwater that had collected from the heavy early morning rain and injures his right eye on a stone during the fall. Meanwhile, Lekuru crosses the road after spotting a man she knows driving a white saloon car in the opposite direction and enters to sit in the empty front passenger seat. Oti tries to get up by himself from the base of the trench on his knees and the driver asks, "Who is that?" Lekuru replies spitefully, "Some punk with a corrupt mind; I despise him!" Two men sitted behind laugh while the one directly behind the driver uses his smartphone camera to capture a video of Oti as they cruise away slowly, "Hahaha, fala looks drunk with wine!" Two minutes later, Oti is pulled out of the trench by a female stranger passing by...

Golola
"The only man who can just look at a woman and she gets pregnant", Golola is a Ugandan legend. This is the Life of a Champion. His energy is so volcanic that it keeps erupting. After he was born, Golola jogged home leaving his mother in the hospital. The Colonialists heard about it and immediately granted UG independence. He wakes up at 3am to train while mosquitoes are sleeping; whenever mosquitoes bite him, they get Malaria. He fights his own shadow. Golola is the only man who can save his money in the banks of River Nile and earn interest. People use Windows on their PCs because Golola is standing at the door. He can peel-off a page from facebook and hang his clothes on an MTN line. Golola kicked River Nile out of Uganda and then kicked the trees from the Sahara Desert. He eats cement and is not a joking subject, no retreat, no surrender! Just wait for the ring ling bangbang! "You are tampering a hot temper! Drink enough porridge if you want to be a champion..."

Cassava
Brens Masaba plants cassava in Mbale and after harvesting transports it in his green pickup van to Banda Market near KLA City...
 
The Househelp
Matayo, a street kid who dropped out of school in Primary 5 because of fees, meets his father near UMA Showgrounds (Lugogo) but does not know that he is the one. Neither does Ali Kasozi know, but he is amazed that the kid looks exactly like him "a million million times"...

The Kingdom of UG
Watch the skyline! It's the year 2080 and aliens have infiltrated the earth. Who will protect UG? Introducing the Ewns: Martin (The Chief), Isaac (Machineman), Oyakiya (The Earthquake), Jen (Faceless) and the Prince (Omulangira). "The enemy of our Omulangira is our enemy-in-law!" This is UG...

Allegiance To Satan [Shortcut To The Grave]
[Murderers, Adulterers & Thieves]: Ta smokes cigarettes daily: morning, midday, afternoon, evening and at night. One day, he starts coughing blood. When he goes for checkup, the Doc tells him he has irreversible lung cancer. Oholah, on a vengence mission to spread HIV, thinks prostituting to both men and women is the Cleverest Thing she can do since it brings her lots of money in a few minutes and she enjoys it. Ba has a bar called "Bottles & Condoms", it is very popular; he sells the Strongest and Most Expensive Liquor but is liked because of his purported generosity. One Hell-oween, the three meet in Ba's VIP Lounge on their final night; Oholah lands on a client who sacrifices human blood to his ancestors for goodluck. Ba decides to drink a whole carton of Uganda Waragi [12 bottles each 750 mls] in celebration; he never wakes up. Alcohol consumption is not suitable for persons under the age of 120. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you...

Ebimenke 
Based on a true story, Mike's grandmother sends him to buy paraffin. While running to the shop with his lupanka wheel, the beer bottle he is holding falls down accidentally, shatters and the 7 year old falls on top of the pieces. The broken glass cuts out his intestines. He is rushed to Kisubi Hospital on a lorry and goes into coma for 3 weeks. His spirit leaves his body and he wrestles in Space with about half a dozen cruel, ugly monster demons with tails trying to drag him to Hell. Although he could not speak, he remembers how a girl next to him in nursery said that when you call the Blood of JESUS, it will rescue you. So he just thinks about it and then suddenly a friendly-looking, lovely man appears. Stretching HIS hand, HE tells Mike, "You are not yet dead; you will be alive and also give life!" The strong monster demons melt away one by one...

Sweet Tales
"Who do you believe in, is it money or GOD?" In this Lugbara love story, Oso (nicknamed Fat Boy at LDC) is a very hardworking clerk at a law firm in Arua; one of his nice workmates named Yami who likes Oso tells him that whichever woman marries him will be lucky but he gets retrenched from his dream job the following week. So he starts growing tomatoes for sale on a 4 by 4 metre plot but after 40 days, they all die. Distressed, he goes to see a famous Arua Prophet named Motomoto who prays for him and he gets a motorcycle mysteriously. The following day while transporting someone as a bodaman, the bike is impounded by Police because he does not wear a helmet plus shoes and to retrieve it, he needs to pay 40,000 UgX which he does not have. Having given up on life already, he tries to hang himself with a rope under a mango tree but the branch breaks. So he goes to the village well to drown himself but when he looks at the water, he sees a reflection of Yami instead of himself. Immediately, he backs away and runs to the nearest church which was open and finds his former workmate praying. He sits next to her and tells her what just happened...

New Sodom
Nobody is born Gay! GOD destroyed Noah's World with Rainwater, then destroyed Lot's World with Fire, Brimstone and Salt. What will he use to destroy the New Sodom and Gomorrah, a modern Gibeah, an LGBTQIA+ World? Maybe more Fire, Wormwood, Scorpion Locusts, Armageddon, the Lake of Fire, Cells in Hell and a bottomless Pit...

DREAMSURFING VISIONBOX (Artificial Creativity)/ Ugatoons/ Half Past Asleep: Electronic Dreamvision-catching Platforms can use Human REM (Rapid Eye Movement) Dreams, Live Internet or their own expandable Intranet of Knowledge to create random, unexpected, unanticipated, alchemic Lucid Dream-esque Simulations in addition to Tradigital Visions that can be generated by feeding their Systems with Concept Drawings or a Film Script as Commands like Celtx mashed-up with automatic Blender Software, OASIS Virtual Reality in Ready Player One (2018 film) or Gran Turismo merged with Google Earth Streetview], something like Dream Induction. Surreal Artificial Dreamvisions [Orobi] deeper than the Uncanny Valley can come from Artificial Intelligence like EA Sports FIFA Gameplays (since 1993) or Google's ARCore, it's all Art! Machines like IBM's Summit Supercomputer can evolve to become better independent Artists or Storytellers than the Humans who have always used them to improve their own Designs. I'd love to experience VR Perspectives of Paradise based on Stories from People who have visited the Third Heaven something like Google Heaven, Emanuel Swedenborg or Akiane (Aki-Anna) Kramarik (Lithuanian American): bright Light, four Living Creatures, 24 Elders, singing Flowers, gold Streets, crystal clear Rivers and Springs, neat plush-green Grass, many Mansions, Engels, etc. Don't just think outside the Box, let the VisionBox dream too. Awo olwatuka, thanks for checking out AikoScripts...